Living in DC: We Regret To Inform You The Future Will Be Postponed

Sign on the front door of my corner mom-and-pop java cafe:

Please note that on weekends, WiFi service will not be available until 3pm.

Probably because the weekend crowd buys more food, and any weekday squatters will just take up "valuable" table space with their 1 mocha latte.

What I would do, if I owned the place: expand into the space vacated last week by the trendy clothing store. More floor space, more window space.

I guess Chris Brogan will have to wait a while longer before he can fully access the Internet in my neighborhood!

8 Reasons Why Many Networking Events Suck
and how organizers can improve them...

I enter a roomful of people I've never seen before. I write "MIKE" in large block letters on a nametag sticker and attach it to my shirt. I feel marked, but nobody shoots. Nobody even looks. I wander through the throng, trying to find the bar. I can feel the noise. I reach the bar, order a drink and turn to see everyone in small, closed circles. How do I break in? I decide I can't, so I focus on the people outside the groups. Their standing alone, with dead expressions.

And how can I engage a zombie?

I'm pretty good at meeting people for the first time. I don't have a problem striking up and sustaining a conversation. People genuinely like me. So why are so many of the networking events I've recently attended so bad?

1. Nobody's acting as a connector, and people have to sink or swim. You can't tell the organizers from the attendees, and the organizers are most likely perched behind a registration table or inside one of those small, closed groups. It's the organizer's responsibility to make sure that people are connecting, and the shy are included, by searching out the loners, getting them introduced around, even providing icebreakers. Get helpers to move around, meet everyone, be visible. Have them wear funny hats. Jeff Pulver's methods at his recent networking breakfast are ideal for getting strangers engaged with one another. He should be cloned and distributed live.

2. Just when it starts to get decent, the organizers stop everything and start making announcements. Sure, you need to market the event and let people know about what's upcoming. But do you have to do that in the middle of my conversation? You may have cut short a million dollar deal (not likely, but who knows?) Send emails out the next day, create a handout you can pass around unobtrusively while people are talking, highlight your events on your web site. Just don't turn the crowd into a literal audience.

3. The venue is too dark, hot, crowded, noisy (or lacks carpeting). Loud music may require that people stand closer to each other to converse, but it also makes those small circles even smaller. Think about the American Need for Personal Space (read about "Body contact and personal expression") and do a site visit beforehand. You might not be able to remedy all the problems, but at least you can be ready to work around them.

4. Your event is advertised as networking when it's really a presentation (and some of those presentations may be about networking.) Close to #2, although attendees may feel more baited-and-switched. Make sure you haven't set up chairs in the dreaded theater-style. Ban PowerPoints, can the lecturers, and don't focus the group's attention. Provide multiple food/drink stations, and spread handouts on tables around the room - anything to prove we're not back in school.

5. Too much distance between the "old guard" and the "newbies." I went to a playwriting conference at Arena Stage a few years ago - I think I even got an invitation. There were equal numbers of established writers, artistic directors, and struggling playwrights. At lunch, the status quo all sat together, while we huddled at the kids table. Know who will be attending your event. Get clear on the range of people likely involved. If you aren't able facilitate some connections between the old guard and the new, then perhaps you should cancel the event, or at least not hold it again without some real evaluation (and not that checklist you hand out asking us how much we loved you.)

6. The event becomes a figurative fishbowl. Your monthly meetup is a big success. People mark it on their calendars and email you about the next one. Those small, closed circles of participants are really a measure of your success. You wanted people to meet up, and they have. The trouble is, your event has turned into Happy Hour With Friends. Put more time into developing how you want the event to unfold, rather than relying on the "y'all show up" kind of hospitality. Go back to your original reason for getting together. Your original goal is probably light years from "we want to keep the already-acquainted talking only to those they already know."

7. Networking is scheduled for the end of a long day of presentations. This usually happens at conferences. I've been to - and organized - so many meetings jammed full of lectures, slides and handouts, where any networking time longer than a coffee break happens at the end of the day. By 6:00, people are ready for drinks, dinner and conversation, but with their friends. So many attendees have told me they're "burned out" at the end of the day, yet they find the networking to be the best part of their participation. I personally know it's almost impossible to provide for additional mingling time at an annual meeting, where even the lunches are programmed. Someone, someday, will realize this and make the necessary changes. I think.

8. Unclear, or too wide-ranging, event objectives. Sure, I know the main methods of successful networking involves meeting people first, second and third, and then maybe you can get into what you can do for each other. But it's tough to get enthused about a conversation on financial planning when I'm looking to connect on a possible business partnership level. Icebreakers are great to introduce a focused goal - and they don't have to be intricate and minutely planned. I'll bet Jeff Pulver didn't spend much time explaining his goals at the recent breakfast - and you can be reasonably assured the event didn't try to be all things to all people.
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What would I have put down for my personal tag line? How about "Mike Ambrose: Making the Personal Universal."

Edgy Characteristics
Yet another great Seth Godin post - The caricature of your brand - got me thinking today about the brands I'm familiar with and how they admit (or hide from) their most telling characteristics. These are the things that people talk about, the thoughts that enter the room before they do, the points that our constantly-sorting and redefining mind choose to remember. Here are a few of my thoughts:

Gold's Gym
Gold's has a charicature in its logo - that intensely developed bodybuilder, holding a barbell that bends under its own weight. Gold's was a gym before there were gyms, and tells of its early days on Venice Beach, California. Everything points to the brand being for muscleheads - but they firmly attach themselves to the general gym-going public. In a recent mailing to me, the facility I'm a member of touted its new coat of paint as a customer service benchmark. While the walls look nice, they're not exciting, and certainly not mentionable. What if Gold's went all the way with the bodybuilder image? Not to alienate themselves from their membership (most of whom do not look like bodybuilders at all), but to create a place that people would talk about. Have you ever heard anyone say "I just love going to my gym?" What if Gold's designed its facilities to take advantage of a retro-California-beach image? What if you entered the gym and you suddenly felt like you were inches away from sun, surf and sand?

Dentists
Think of a dentist and what comes to mind? Little Shop of Horrors? Dentists get a bad rap all the time. They're usually the worse-case scenario in many a conversation: "I wanted to travel to that meeting about as much as I wanted a root canal." Some are fighting back, acknowledging the fear of pain in potential patients by rebranding their offices with spa services and decor. What I wonder is, why doesn't the ADA take this a run with it?

Atlantis vs. RSVP
In the extreme-niche of Gay travel and vacations, Atlantis and RSVP are the two best-known companies. Both offer sea and land excursions. And recently, Atlantis bought RSVP. In their news release, Atlantis stated that they would keep the RSVP brand and continue to offer vacations through that label. But they never said exactly what that brand is. My friends and I have pondered the difference between the two. . RSVP was the first to offer gay vacations. Atlantis came in and... well, offered the same thing. But the caricature of an Atlantis cruise is tons of buff bodies, all night disco parties on the top deck, stunningly gorgeous men and slightly better ships. RSVP? TanDog (who's been on both) put it this way: The difference in eye candy between an RSVP cruise and and Atlantis cruise is the difference between an atom and the Universe.

4-H
Everybody who's ever been to a county fair knows the green clovers with the H's on each leaf. 4-H brands itself as the nation's largest out-of-school youth education organization. They know their caricature: Kids, Cows, and Cooking. Still, they've spent years playing down this image, in favor of chasing after more modern visuals and trying to convince the non-familiar that it's sophisticated and cutting-edge. But people love cows, and cooking (not so sure about kids).

Washington, DC
I've written about DC's image problem before - and suggested that the city embrace some of the aspects it's known for...

I can understand why companies and organizations would want to play down their most prominent features. Just look at how many people go for plastic surgery to "fix" what they feel isn't perfect. We all have a huge desire to blend in, not be noticed for what we're ashamed of. But we also want to stand out. Trouble is, we can't have it both ways (although we try and try and try.) Organizations that capitalize on their possibly-unpopular images could do themselves some damage, but could also be branded with a sense of humor.

I Want To Pump You Up!
Getting Gold's to Stand By Their Brand

Gold's Gym emailed me their newsletter the other day. I think this was the first issue, because all I recall getting from them in the past are messages that their workoutwear and gym bags are 15% off. I was surprised. When I opened it, however, I was disappointed. The first article was about celebrity sightings at their gyms across the country. Bruce Springsteen seen hoisting in New Jersey. Lindsay Lohan seen treadmilling in Utah.

I know what they're trying to do here. I can hear someone saying in the head office: "Celebrity always sells. Let's go with celebrities in our gyms for the first item in the newsletter. That'll get us the eyeballs!"

How can Gold's improve their newsletter?

1. Go core.
Gold's, you're not a Hollywood nightclub, the E! channel or a red-carpet runway. You're a gym. People go to work out. Why else would they go? Certainly not to see stars. Just check out the noontime crowd at the facility I frequent, and tell me any of those guys (and girls) care about Al Pacino and Brad Pitt. If you want to feature celebrities, feature your staff and customers.

3. Go local.
You expect your managers and staff to deliver the monthly and quarterly figures to your bottom line - why not let them deliver the content to the customers? Give them more control over that. And if there's no one at a particular gym with the time or talent to create and maintain the newsletter, then contract with one of your customers to deliver the goods.

2. Get pumped.
Give us the best info you can find, and not the same old stretching, menus and bench-press diagrams that everyone else runs. I scrolled down the newsletter and found stuff I've seen everywhere else. Most gyms just pretend to be about fitness, when they're really selling 5 minute abs and thirty second step classes (all to a disco beat.) You've got a huge reputation, pun intended. Be bold. Be funny. Be obnoxious. Be friendly. Be the terminator. Just don't be Bally's.

And check out this post titled Microsoft repositions to kick ass, from Eric Karjaluoto at Ideas - "a blog that invites dialogue on issues relevant to communication designers and brand strategists." Sure, he's talking about a computer behemoth. But he's also talking about all large companies and organizations as he states "Focus on core competencies and articulate your offering plainly and honestly."

Besides, do you really want to brand yourself so close to Lindsay Lohan?

The Video Resume - A Bad Idea Whose Time Has Come?

I've monitored some blogging chat recently discussing the pros and cons of video resumes...

Dan Schawbel, on his Personal Branding Blog sees them in our future.

While Nick Corcodilos over at Ask the Headhunter finds them wrong on a number of levels.

The ease and relative low cost with which people today can shoot, edit and post video leads many of us to believe that the traditional text, listing our experience and expertise, will soon turn give way to us, in head shots, communicating the same information.

Although, there are some who posit that "Web Video Is Neither Cheap Nor Easy."

And there are others who claim they can produce video while driving their car.

Me? I side with the Headhunter. And I think we're talking about what Seth Godin calls a Meatball Sundae. Although there might be a lucrative business in coaching job seekers to not only look good on camera, but also effectively show how they should be chosen for the job.

Still, it's going to be tough keeping resume reviewers from ejecting the DVD after five seconds of viewing...

Improving Public Radio Fundraising at the Local Local Level

I'm listening to WETA-FM's pledge drive - that week of programming public broadcasting inflicts on us in order to stay in business. The station's promised a shorter drive this time, and is playing more music during it than they used to. Every so often they include a story from one of their announcers, reminiscing about how they discovered and grew to love "classical" music. And I wonder:

Why doesn't the station catch and air listener stories?

The idea grew out of Chris Brogan's post on creating microcontent and hyperlocal media. I thought it might be easy for WETA-FM to set up a blog* to encourage listener's stories. During the fund drive they could scan the blog comments for stories, and promise to include some of them on the air. In fact, they could say "If you make a donation at any amount, and you've contributed a story to our blog comment section, we might just read it on the air." They could continue by contacting a few of the best storytellers and have them record their tales for broadcast after the fund drive is completed.

They're not doing that, though. They're not even reading contributor names on the air. Over the past weekend I heard one of the announcers mention "Of course, we can't read names on the air, because that would take too much time."

I tried to analyze exactly why WETA is not using "new media" to improve their fundraising, and I came up with these possible explanations:

they tried it once before, but the return on investment was nil;
they were still discussing it by the start of the fundraising drive;
they haven't thought of doing it;
they thought of it but weren't interested;
they came up with the idea but found too many internal controls to make it work.

I think it has a whole lot to do with the fact that so many people still don't know how to use "new media" and Web 2.0 applications, much less figure out how to make them work the micro, or neighborhood, level. However, I just heard the WETA-FM announcers mention that many people are pledging money online, at the WETA Web site. Now whether or not that's a sales tactic, I don't know.
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*or some other Web 2.0 online application.

How Personal Trainers Can Create the Remarkable
A buzzword currently circulating among marketing gurus on the Web is "remarkable." That is, what is it that you're doing which causes your audience, clients, customers, whoever to talk about you (and not like a dog.) An interesting post over on Remarkable Communication describes two hot dog street vendors, and made me start to look at this whole "remarkability" factor in my environment.

Of course, it's easier to talk about other people's remarkability rather than one's own. So I'll write a bit about an idea I had today: How personal trainers can increase their remarkability.

The idea's blindingly simple. Every so often - at least once a week - email your clients individually. Find something remarkable in their previous workout session and tell them about it. Guide them to an interesting article online. Encourage them to keep up with their diet/nutrition plan. The key is to come up with something encouraging and positive for each client - and not a canned missive that they'll trash without a moment's thought. Tailor the message to the person.

This may seem to be a lot of work, but it can be done with some planning* - and jotting down notes on the client's chart.

I worked out all last year with personal trainers, and none of them were shy, reserved, quiet and self-effacing people. They were fun, energetic, supportive, exciting people. None of them, though, made a point of extending their presence into my thoughts once I left the gym.

My idea would start them down the road to remarkability, since I don't think many trainers do this.

After they get comfortable with this idea, then they can start blogging! (Hot Dog Impresario Biker Jim has a blog - after all, people will talk about anything.)
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*Whenever I think of planning, that Monty Python sketch (Episode 4) about "defending yourself against attack from fresh fruit" comes to mind:

Self-Defense Instructor (SDI): Come on, come on you worm...you miserable little man. Come at me then...come on, do your worst, you worm.

(third man runs at him; the SDI steps back and pulls a lever; a sixteen-ton weight falls upon the man)

SDI: If anyone ever attacks you with a raspberry, simply pull the lever...and a sixteen-ton weight will drop on his head. I learnt that in Malaya.

Student: Suppose you haven't got a sixteen-ton weight?

SDI: Well that's planning, isn't it?

Post-Cluetrain Rant

I finished reading The Cluetrain Manifesto yesterday. It's close to a decade now since it was first written, and I think it still has tons to say about our current and future online and face-to-face communications.

I caused me, also, to go on a rant. Here are my 12 theses in the spirit of Cluetrain's 95. Some of them carry explanations, while others sit there enigmatically. But I'd be please to explain my thinking to anyone who wants to start a conversation! And I will most likely expand on some of them in the days ahead:

Fluorescent lighting has to be the worst lighting in the world, and shouldn't be used anywhere except in hospitals and maybe restaurant kitchens.

CEOs of store chains: Look at your stores. Look at them!!!!

Do customers want to get in and out of stores quickly because they've got something else to do, or because the store's environment sucks?

CEOs of store chains: Look at your employees. Look at them!!!!

Everything, and I mean everything, speaks.

Retail, organization, and government leadership: Why aren't you worried about your the health of your employees and their families?

We have too much stuff. There are people in this country that can't get out of bed because they are so overweight. We have reformulated our plastic trash bags to stretch because we have too much trash to throw away.

Commerce: Surprise me. But not as I'm about to leave the store. And not as I'm walking in. Start with my "snail" mail box.

How dare you tell me I'm not worthy. How dare you.

Whatever you're doing, you're probably beating your head against a brick wall. You can stop. Now.

There's no excuse for dismal government office environments at any scale.

Nobody in the U.S. is more than an hour away from a better, more tranquil, more beautiful environment.

Not Just Small, But Tiny

A few days ago I mentioned I haven't gone to the gym for two months. Last night, something dawned on me. No, it wasn't the possibility that I'll turn into a pile of mush if I continue to avoid exercise. What struck me was the fact that my gym doesn't seem to care.

No one working there takes a look at the membership roster to see if any members have been chronically absent. Or if they do, they file the info somewhere in the back of their mind, and take no action.

It's not that I require attention from my gym in order to go back. But I think they're missing an opportunity to market their members. With today's connectivity and the easy use of their database, my gym could send me an email asking about my well-being. We're talking a few minutes of somebody's time here, time that could be used to foster a connection.

If you think about it for a few minutes, you'll find that there are just a few reasons why gym members might miss a month or two of workouts. It could be:

Work demanding more time;
Injury or illness laying a member up;
A job change forcing the member to a new location;
Loss of interest in exercise or that particular gym.

Whatever the reason, my gym is missing out on an opportunity to engage me more fully as a member. Of course, the real reason gyms don't consider this an opportunity because they can't see a direct line from their email message to money in their pocket.

As traditional "mass media" ways of thinking are undercut and forced to evolve through our massive online connectivity options, businesses are being called on the carpet because they continue to think BIG. I see my gym's opportunity, noted above, as a way of acting tiny, rather parallel to the thinking I read this morning in an interesting post at Brand Autopsy titled How Tiffany Saved Michael’s Life. Thanks to John Moore for helping me frame my thinking in this way.

For my gym, and many others, marketing these days really reduces down to small, miniscule, seemingly-unimportant actions that could combine to create huge results.

How Many Marketers Does It Take To...

A movie crew is filming a commercial on my block today. They've got the street blocked off, and although today's a bright, blue-sky kind of day in DC, they've also got fill lights and giant reflectors aimed on the actors. It's a familiar sight to anyone who's ever stumbled upon this kind of setup. But what struck me today as I walked past, was how many people it took just to film an SUV parallel parking in front of a restaurant!

There had to be about 15 crew members (including directors, etc.) wearing headsets, focused on video screens, and holding those puffy boom mics. All for a car.

As I walked past, I heard the director (I'm guessing who that was) say "OK, cue the background!" What he meant were the actors, the performers sitting at the cafe tables. Subservient to the car. Add another 9 people involved in the whole setup.

But I can't forget the crowd of people who stopped and watched. When I found out there wasn't a celebrity involved, I really wondered why anyone would take time out of their day just to watch a camera crew setup a shot over, and over, and over again.

P.S. Hank's Oyster Bar at 17th and Q was the restaurant. I thought it was odd that their Web site hasn't got a single picture of the establishment. Evidently, it's picturesque enough for a boring car commercial, but not enough for the proprietor's site!

Showing the Plug and Not the Cable

37 Signals wonders why we show the cable and not the plug. That is, why we focus on what we think we should show, instead of what the other person really needs for us to show. It's a fantastic post, pointing up a flaw of everyday communication, and it made me remember an example I experienced many years ago.

As a graduate assistant for a television production class, I was the one who shot the student video, as guided by the student director, and later stuck all the shots together, as guided by the student editor. These were short productions, less than 5 minutes in length. And most of them involved a character walking through a door.

In just about every shoot, the director wanted a closeup of the actor's hand turning the doorknob. This meant one more setup, and a separate lighting procedure, just to show the grabbing the doorknob, twisting it, and opening the door.

An extra setup, to show us something we do so often we don't even think about it. The extra time it took quickly ate into our short shooting and editing window.

I started advising the directors that they didn't need the closeup doorknob shot, unless the doorknob was covered with peanut butter or slime or wouldn't turn at all because the door was locked (which had to be a part of the script.)

The professor guiding us grad assistants told me to let the students make the mistake and find their errors on their own.

Anyway, the 37 Signals post reminded me of our tendency to show ALL the details in, well, an incredibly detailed fashion, even if those details are so well cemented in our minds that we can move right past them to the good stuff.

And I'm running a level-3 diagnostic on my brain to find out all the myriad times I've done the same thing.
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photo from Scott Fisher: Environmental Media Archives - it's the doorknob from Disney's "Alice in Wonderland," I believe.

All About the Package
A study has found some small proof of what parents have known for years: that children prefer foods branded McDonald's over foods in unprinted containers. Researchers asked children which tastes better, fries, carrots or milk in a McDonald's wrapper or the same foods in everyday, non-corporate garb. They answered McDonald's, as reported in today's New York Times.*

I could have told somebody that. Growing up, I saw it happen in my family. But my anecdotes aren't scientific, double-blind investigations, so it's interesting to see this behavior supported by some statistics.

The article taps into my recent thinking about this whole food-packaging issue. Urged on by all the "green living" info available online, I'm considering an experiment to see if I can go a week only eating grocery store-available foods packaged as simply as possible, with minimal marketing ink used in helping them jump off the shelves. I thought it might be difficult.

But once I took a look at my weekly diet, I found I would have to make such small changes, it might not be worth it. From bananas, wrapped in nature's best natural marketing wrapper, through free-range chicken, olive oil, fresh vegetables et al, my usual food intake requires little coaxing from Madison Avenue.

I would allow "coelacanth packages" - like egg cartons, which have been around since the dawn of human time, are absolutely necessary, and can be easily retro-fitted* with pipe cleaners, goggle eyes and multicolored paints to resemble caterpillars. I would have to give up peeled baby carrots though, in favor of the less-processed, straight out of the ground kind.

So I continue to work out the bugs in the experiment idea. But leave it to marketing guru Seth Godin to expand our thinking about wrappers in a still-relevant Fast Company essay from March 2001 that begins "That wedding dress is the wrapper on your wedding day." Seth's words have stuck in my brain over the years, as he analyzes our need for packages, boxes or bags:

"At the same time that we're abandoning some traditional wrappers, some businesses are becoming ever more obsessed with the wrapper. They understand that their businesses are really about wrappers, and so they offer their T-shirts, their soaps, their teas -- even their computer workstations -- in wrappers and packages that satisfy our inner need for beauty."

As further proof of the article's relevance, it seems that even in 2007 we'll gladly pay for the same cookies over and over, as evidenced in The Consumerist article "Like Those 100 Calorie Packs? You're Paying Twice As Much."
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*But not reported there first - CNN scooped the Times in early August, and Pronet Advertising posted an August 7 commentary on the study.

**Just find a bunch of kindergarteners and you've recycled, for a short time at least, months worth of trash; oatmeal boxes can become pigs this way too.

What's Brand Me?
Revisiting "Personal Branding" a Decade Later

Ten years ago this month, Tom Peters' article "The Brand Called You" appeared in Fast Company magazine, and an era was born. The term brand stopped being the exclusively property of cattle ranchers and breakfast cereal manufacturers, and started being our property too.

I remember reading the article, and finding the concept interesting. But I was too busy working full time, writing plays in my off hours, and managing my life (both the social and everyday upkeep aspects) to work at defining my personal brand.

I've got a much better idea of it now. Today, something moved me to read the article again. I not only found out it's ten years old, I could see how, even today, people would still a difficult time explaining who they are according to their brand.

Simply put, my personal brand is what enters the room before I do.

We used to call it "personality." Or "personal style." But simple doesn't mean it's easy. I'm sure you've had people tell you "I hate working on my resume" or "I hate developing my yearly performance appraisal."

That's because we're really bad, and hesitant, at thinking about ourselves in this manner. Here's a thought exercise I've found useful to get around that problem:

Think of a friend, waiting for you in a restaurant. You're meeting for lunch, drinks or dinner.

He or she is thinking about what the experience will be like once you show up.

Is your friend looking forward to:
- laughing because you always say funny things?
- exciting political conversation because you're always up on what's happening across the country?
- telling you some great personal news because you're always happy and congratulatory?
- a long afternoon because it's going to be all about you?

The person waiting for you is attuned to the experience he or she is going to have once you show up.

Now take it wider. Think of how others might view you at work.

Are you:
- always ready to lend a hand, when it's needed?
- someone who people tiptoe around?
- the go-to person when anyone has a problem?

All these thoughts and opinions are elements of your personal brand. They're the things people instinctively feel even before they see you. They're the things people expect from you.

They might expect:
you'll always be positive
you'll always be difficult to deal with (and so maybe they just don't and you're left
alone!)
you'll always be energetic at every moment of the day
you to be calm but kind of out of it until the coffee kicks in
you'll always be there.

It even goes to the work you crank out. They might expect that:
it's always nearly perfect
it's always missing something
it'll be delivered so quickly that they won't be ready for it
it's always delivered timely
it's something they'll have to fix later

It really helps if you have some examples of things you know people have said about you. Snippets of a conversation, or the positive things written about your work in your last performance appraisal.

Simply put, our personal brand is what enters the room before we do.

Once I started thinking about myself and "my brand" in this way, I started laying a foundation which I can build on quickly when I need to. Like, when I apply for a job. Or when I'm about to meet a bunch of people I've never met before. Or if I need to change something I'm doing in order to make the outcome better or surprising, instead of the boring old status quo.

I can't promise you'll end up happy working on your resume, but you might end up much happier with your results.

And read the Tom Peters' article (again, if you've read it before.) Reflect on how timely it still is, especially 10 years later (which is a billion years in cultural time.)

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Picture from The Arizona Ranch Web site.

But That's Not What We're About!

As a promotional stunt for the upcoming Simpson's movie, some 7-11 stores are now Kwik-E-Marts, Homer's version of Whole Foods.

Jeff Brooks over at Donor Power Blog thinks it's a nifty idea, one that some nonprofit organizations might learn from.

According to Jeff:

"So often, a company's brand image bull-headedly flies in the face of reality, stubbornly insisting in an ideal that's baldly untrue. That's why 7-Eleven's willingness to laugh, even at their own weakness, is so amazing. And appealing. They've actually left behind their phony brand image and joined the real conversation. Maybe they figured out that being authentic, even when it's less than flattering, is better than sticking to an irrelevant playbook... I'm waiting for a nonprofit that can do that."

Every nonprofit I've worked for has complained "people just don't understand who we really are and what we really do." Among the specific "misunderstandings" I've run across in my career:

1. Everyone thinks we're a bunch of hayseeds and hicks, when we're actually quite sophisticated!
2. People believe we want to use these strategies and tactics for punishment, when we're really working to improve interpersonal communication!
3. We're not trying to destroy the concept of parental consent - although a prominent radio personality keeps saying we are - while we're trying to get kids and parents to talk even more!
4. We're characterized as sadistic money-grubbing technicians, worse than auto mechanics, when we're more necessary for good health than anyone thinks, and we've got the research to prove how we're just like everyone else!

In fighting these perceptions, each organization has run to solutions based on external communications, while trying to work through a certain amount of anger at those who won't listen or have their idea set changed. I like the Kwik-E-Mart idea of taking what you fear is your biggest stereotype and, to use a touchy-feely concept, totally owning it.

Think of the fun when, in your marketing meeting, you fill the flipcharts with all the crazy, negative assumptions leveled against your organization. Think of the bumper stickers you could design with slogans based on your most cutting criticisms. Even if you decide not to proceed as 7-11 has done, oh what collective wisdom you'll unleash!

In each of my cases, I'd bring the following ideas to the table:

1. How about we develop a character right out of Green Acres as our spokesperson - and give him or her a sophisticated edge that even he or she doesn't quite believe or understand? Like mixing tractors and caviar?

2. What if we put our practitioners into corrections-inspired outfits. Maybe dayglo orange jumpsuits or old-time prison stripes. Could you imagine them delivering services in that getup? Would the clients get it, and even laugh?

3. Maybe we could develop a PSA that says "Yeah, we think parental consent SUCKS!" And we're shouting it to America over a bullhorn from atop a really high building. Then we end with ways parents, guardians and kids can work together to avoid the need for parental consent.

4. Could we really get outrageous and create a Web site gloryfying our most negative attributes, and then deliver the facts along with the myths - but it would be up to the site users to find the clues that we're pulling their collective legs?

Of course, there would be massive problems in getting a nonprofit to Kwik-E-Mart themselves. Mainly because:

Nonprofits almost always are in a struggle for money, and would fear spending time and energy on something that could blow up in their faces and ruin their fundraising.
Nonprofits deal with subject matter and issues that often aren't funny at all, and could be severely anxious about coming across as "making fun" of the sufferers.
Nonprofits rely on established practitioner methods and traditions to make themselves credible in a highly professional marketplace - and traditions stick with the grip of epoxy cement.

But, as Scott the Nametag Guy writes today, sometimes you have to dream up some really crazy ideas to get anywhere.

And it'll be interesting to see if anyone follows Jeff Brooks' call...
Meanwhile, there's a blog carnival all about authenticity over at Sea Change Strategies.

How Green Is My H2O
12 Ways WASA Can Help DC Break Its Bottled Water Habit - and Improve Our Plastic Container Environmental Impact

Fast Company's fascinating analysis of the bottled water phenomenon ("Message in a Bottle," July/August 2007) inspired me to come up with some more ideas for improving WASA's public outreach (see my previous post on the subject - 7 Ways to Improve a Municipal Water Report to DC Residents.)

According to Fast Company, America's water supply is "impressively safe," yet we prefer to spend billions on a substance we can get for free (or at very very very low cost), not to mention the environmental cost of all those plastic bottles.

I think this provides a great opportunity for DC's Water and Sewer Authority to take back their main product and reposition it in our lives. How to do this? Some examples:

1. Publish a "Did You Know..." series focusing on
- how much money we can save by filling our water bottles from the tap
- tips and facts about water's health benefits
- how municipal water purification is not that far removed from bottled water manufacturers' water processing systems
- why using DC's water is better than using bottled water.

2. Create a fact sheet itemizing all of WASA's benefits to DC residents (sometimes these things need to be spelled out, even the ones that can be termed "common sense.")

3. Design a snappy DC water system logo that looks less governmental.

4. Provide DC households with a free plastic gallon refrigerator water jug - prominently featuring the logo. Make the jugs, as well as reusable individual water bottles (adult and child/aquapod sizes) available to DC residents for a small fee.

5. Revamp the consumer sections of WASA's Web site to better represent the DC water "brand" and upgrade the graphics, writing style, and user information.

6. Start a DC water blog, highlighting facts, short tutorials, and breaking news around DC's water supply. Plenty of opportunities for puns here, which I won't burden anyone with at this point.

7. Develop a "Save the Water, Save the World" campaign, which encourages residents to keep track of the money saved through bypassing the purchase of bottled water, which they can then donate to charity (like WASA's S.P.L.A.S.H. Program.)

8. Conduct taste tests at community gatherings (farmer's markets, flea markets, neighborhood festival days) at a newly-upgraded WASA exhibit, which pit DC water against the top bottled water brands (and give away t-shirt sporting the new WASA logo.)

9. Create a school science curriculum showing the extensive water reclamation system and its component technologies.

10. Collaborate with DC's Department of Public Works on a program that encourages residents to lower the amount of plastic we throw away by reusing water bottles for DC tap water, and informs us on how much garbage we currently produce with bottled water.

11. Launch a "develop your taste for water campaign."

12. Combine forces with DC's Health Center on a "Water Fights Obesity" campaign that shows the positive health benefits of DC water (when combined with healthy eating and exercise.) Identify (and facilitate) some neighborhood "Jareds" (a la Subway) as spokespersons for the campaign.

***
Extra Added Attraction! Dumb Little Man offers "9 Reasons to Drink Water, and How to Form the Water Habit."

Cheesy Promotion Language
I'm watching a tv show on various snack food factories, and I'm hearing a number of terms that gunk up my brain like a pipe full of sludge. I'm talking about those terms that we hear all the time in advertising, the words and phrases that marketers believe will endear us to their products. Me, I just find them cheesy, and annoying in a number of different ways. And these words are:

Best Kept Secret
Used to describe regional products or products that have a small and rabid fan base, I just heard this phrase in a program segment on Dippin's Dots, an ultra-frozen mini-sphere ice cream foodstuff. I also used to hear it when I worked for a very large youth education organization. I always wondered, and still do, why anyone would admit to having a business that's a "best kept secret."

Authentic
Today I heard this adjective linked to "brick ovens," implying that the baking method for a brand of pretzels was somehow linked to a historic cooking method. The trouble is, nobody bothered to linked the word "authentic" to a specific culture, time period, or cuisine. It was implied, and while most viewers would believe there was truth spoken here, I was left wondering exactly what this "authenticity" was really referring to.

Sneak Peek
It seems we're always being offered a "sneak peek," of an upcoming show episode, or a movie, sometimes a concert. Trouble is, I don't like anything "sneaky," because to me it means "somewhat illegal." And the word "peek" is just a little too fey and cutesy to my ears. Put them together and I get this ridiculous vision of an executive producer, on tiptoes, hunched over, lifting the canvas a bit so we can see what's going on inside the circus tent. Note that this vision has nothing to do with the episode, movie, or concert in question.

Your Favorite
Always, always, always used on infomercials for highly specialized cooking or mixing machines. The excitable hosts are working much too hard to link this product to my needs, and by saying "add your favorite pasta, ice cream, spice mix, or fruit and vegetable" they've just gone over the edge. Especially since I never think of the foods in my kitchen as indicative of "my favorite" anything. The "best tasting" or "best deal in the store" perhaps, but "my favorites" can change from day to day. The effect on me - I feel like these uber-bubbly infomercial people are standing just a little too close, like someone on Seinfeld.

Just and Simply
Open up SkyMall and read all about how you "just attach the special vacuum pump to the giant inflatable bounce-castle" and you can "simply" inflate this expensive monstrosity to a size that can destroy most of the grass on your front lawn. Or "simply plug in" the magic fingers massage chair and ease your flight-related stress away for a mere $1250. One or two uses of "just" and "simply" are fine. But read these words over and over in SkyMall before you take off, and the product blurbs become a little too insistent, approaching shrill.

Ship to Shore Communique
Atlantis Events sent me a response to the comments I sent them regarding their new Web site:


Mike,

Thank you for your feedback. Honestly, in our 16 years we've tried to sell cruises with a variety of photo images, and the ones that work are the attractive (and therefore somewhat younger) ones. My commentary in the site is correct -- it is marketing after all.

We've tested multiple images, and the ones that gay men respond to are essentially the ones that we have on the site. I don't think it's a question of responsibility, it's a question of running a successful business.

We're very honest with the content. Absolutely every photo on this site is a photo of real guests on a real vacation with us. And if you look a bit close, you'll find that it fairly matches the average age of our guests, which is around 39.

I also think if you look a little close, you'll find it's not all "buff", it's a variety of people in a variety of settings. But sometimes gay men miss the variety and focus on the physique. It's a common thing that we hear.

Also, I think the video content on the site addresses the variety of experience and clientele better than just the static photos.

We are rewriting some of the comments in the FAQ section. Those were written a while ago and need some updating.

I hope this sheds some light on our work and look forward to seeing you again on a future Atlantis vacation.

Thank you again for your comments.

Regards,
Rich

A Rare Opportunity
Atlantis Events, the gay charter company (which has ferried me on a number of fantastic vacations) is about to debut their new Web site. They've sent a test version of this site to "alumni" and asked for our comments. I'm excited, because it's rare that I have a prepared opinion saved up and ready-to-email! So, I sent them my posting from a number of months ago:

A Marketing Golden Rule.

I was thinking of sending along
Enough About You. What About Me? Some Thoughts on Customer Service Surveys,
but I don't want them to think I'm a crazy person.

It's About Joy
Fascinating article in Sunday's New York Times (titled "Seeking Fans, Ballet Scrambles for a Killer App") about the role of ballet in modern American culture, and the financial/artistic struggles of ballet companies in New York City and across the country. The article lists the usual tactics arts institutions employ to bring in audiences: "Girls Night Out" at the New York City Ballet, offering dessert and "girl talk" with ballerinas; newly-minted ballets featuring tried-and-true stories from other media like "Peter Pan" and "Dracula." I say "usual" because I read about this kind of thing all the time. Instead of trying to understand how to appeal to the customer when the customer says "I don't like or need what you offer," the institutions merely ape popular culture, and nobody wins.

But a quote by Italian choreographer Luca Veggeti really set my head spinning: “You have companies saying, ‘We have to do Peter Pan and Dracula,’ ” he added, laughing. “What is the point? You’re not like a TV program. You’re supposed to raise the cultural level of your audience."

I have never
never
NEVER
gone to any artistic performance to raise my cultural level.

I have always gone because I wanted to see something amazing, hear something incredible, or experience something transforming.

NEVER NEVER NEVER TO RAISE MY CULTURAL LEVEL OR AWARENESS!

I went to school for that.

Out Before You Hit The Ball
Been checking out some mind-expanding articles on design - how design is moving out from the exclusive territory of industry, fashion, architecture, and into conversations, politics, education. Why things are designed that sound bad, and why they can't be designed to sound good. And I thought about HRC's phone call, looking for me to donate money.

First, links to the cool places that have stirred my thinking:
Metacool's Sound Matters (the briefest post);
Bruce Nussbaum's "Are Designers The Enemy of Design?" in BusinessWeek
Logic+Emotion's "Designers Are The Enemy of Design."

Next, how the recent call started:
"Hello, may I speak to Mike A-."
"This is Mike."
"How are you this evening? My name is [fundraiser x] and I'm calling on behalf of HRC..."

Design-wise, this call is set up to fail. HRC only calls me for money. They may think the conversation's designed to foster my generosity, but since I've so familiar with this "design," it builds my skepticism instead. The conversation's opening gambit puts me on the defensive. "I'm calling on behalf of HRC" is designed to make me say "I'm sorry, I'm not able to donate at this time."

There's probably a document in front of the fundraiser, some kind of flowchart that shows the conversation's possible designs, which gives him ways to keep the conversation going. I think the caller tried to engage me further by mentioning something about HRC's work. However, telling me what I already know about the gay community's struggle for rights will not prime me for action.

So the batter is out before the ball even crosses the plate.

First step toward hitting a home run? Change the design of that conversation - maybe by starting with that sheet of paper in front of the caller.