Reunion Generation

I belong to a generation of people who lived their lives going from one social sphere to another. Through the levels of education - elementary, junior high (now called middle school), high school proper, college, then grad school for some. In amongst those social milieus, there were others - various clubs, organizations, sports groups, etc. We moved in a progression through school, and in and out of activities, all the time meeting new people and making new friends. While we would carry some friends onward, and turn some aquaintences into friends, our steady march through school meant that we would have to lose touch with some people as we changed locations. Sure, some of those people stayed in our spheres, but the vast majority did not. It was a badge of maturity to leave high school and everyone you knew and loved and go to college somewhere else. Sure it was scary, but necessary - necessary for growth, we thought. If someone held on too tightly to the past - if they insisted on going to every high school football game once they started college - we saw them as somewhat flawed. It was imperative that we move forward, and a big part of that movement meant separating from one social circle and creating a new, often more diverse group around us.

Still, it wasn't like we wouldn't see our old old friends ever again. That was what reunions were for. Coming back to that homecoming game. Running into one of your best buddies at the mall. Keeping touch through holiday cards. And looking forward to the pinnacle event of them all - the organized reunion. We kept in touch with the major changes, high points and low points of our best friends through these tools. While we knew about computers, none of us had one. The PC didn't exist. Our biggest technical challenge was learning to type on an IBM Selectric. There was no Internet helping our communications fly at the speed of light.

There is a generally-used name for my generation - Baby Boomers (Boomers for short.) We define ourselves by our forward motion, by how many new people we can meet, become intimate with, pull into our ideas, or impress. We always look forward, to the next group of people, consigning those times we look back to those officially-sanctioned reunions.

Take a look at this great post by Seth Godin, which got me thinking about the Reunion Generation. In Facebook's generational challenge, Seth talks about how he's not used to using Facebook the way younger generations use it. He relates a small tale about a college student he knows who was able to contact tons of people in her upcoming class, so that everyone knew everybody before they set foot on campus.

This is, to me, related to information I've read about how the "younger generations" continue to be involved in their friends' lives through My Space, Facebook, and social media on the Web.

They build on their circle of friends as they go along. No need to move on to the next social circle, when you can keep everyone abreast of your life - and they, you - on a daily basis through online networks. I'm guessing that they don't see this continual contact as a negative thing, the way we in the Reunion Generation might. Their definitions of maturity don't involved sailing away from one shore and losing contact with the island altogether in search of the next beach.

My Top 20 Tactics for Taming Terrible TV Addiction Madness

I basically made one New Year's Resolution last week: to work on my TV addiction. It's been with me for a long, long time, from my early days when I rushed home from school to watch Dark Shadows, through my higher education years (majoring in Television and Communications - what else?) I've realized I need to do something to curb my nightly channel surfing activities, but I wasn't having much luck in figuring out exactly what to replace the tube with until I fell upon The 9 Step Television Diet (at Think Simple Now, by way of The Happiness Project.)

Tina's list of television's evil effects hit home for me, and her options for battling this particular monkey are simple and achievable. They also encouraged me to come up with my own list of Things To Do Instead of Watching TV and Ways To Battle the Madness. They are:

1. Turn the TV on later in the evening. (I got used to this when I was working at home all last summer and fall.)
2. Cultivate the ability to turn things off. (I turn off the stove after using it - think of the TV as the stove.)
3. Increase my stamina. (This helps with number 15, below.)
4. Replace with working out, a class, a hobby
5. Move to someplace more active all year round
6. Turn on the radio - methadone for TV addicts
7. Call people on the phone
8. Take the laptop to a coffee shop
9. Turn the set on, but turn off the sound
10. Figure out other relaxation methods
11. Go to bed earlier. (This will allow me to Get up earlier.)
12. Move the Tube - to a less central and accessible location.
13. Get rid of cable. (This one's tough, unless I really start thinking about what I can buy with the money I've saved after 6 months - which amounts to a weekend trip to the beach!)
14. Stay longer at work.
15. Move my gym workouts to the evening.
16. Do home improvements
17. Plan out tomorrow or next week (lunches, dinners, work plan, workouts)
18. Allow for some (few) days when I will watch TV the way I used to. (During blizzards. And cold torrential downpours. When I'm sick. Or after a particularly stressful week or month.)
19. Freelance! (Make extra money!)
20. Blog.

(I would put "reading" as number 21, but for me, reading can become an addiction too. So while I definitely think it's better than watching "The Biggest Loser," I also consider it the methadone of TV addiction cures.)

A Conversation About Passion, Dreams, and Waking Up

A compelling article in Sunday's New York Times, titled Often a Swan, Rarely a Queen, concerns a little-discussed problem with chasing our passions and our dreams. What happens when we get close to our dreams, but they're never fully realized? The article focuses on life in the rarified and hyper-specialized atmosphere of a world-class ballet company, but it describes an issue that can be universal:

"For the few who survive the grueling competition, relentless discipline and mental pressure to make it into one of the world’s first-rank companies, this tale of recognized talent and continuing achievement frequently ends soon thereafter. The new company member is now just one of a hundred or so other brilliant talents. When the level is that high, the exceptional becomes ordinary, and the dancer discovers that perhaps she will not be on a poster on bedroom walls."

It's a realization I've come to in my own life, as I have come to understand (perhaps too well) that I'll never win the Pulitzer for playwrighting, receive an oscar for best screenplay nomination, or take the stage as a competitive bodybuilder.

Hugh McLeod, in Post Dreaming Reality on Gaping Void, mirrored my thoughts a couple of days ago with this cartoon:


I especially like his words "kill slowly," as well as his succinct appraisal, in the accompanying text, of the stage we all probably get to:

"Then you get to a certain age and you realize that the time for "One Day" is over. You're either doing it, or you're not. And if you're not, a feeling of bitter disappointment starts hitting you deep into the marrow. Which explains why we all know so many people in their 30s and 40s having mid-life crisis'."

This reality could be a function of age - I am 50, after all, and I can feel my life adapting to all kinds of realities these days. Unfortunately, there no manual readily available to help us through this time. Something on the order of "How to understand your adolescent," but for the newly-middle-aged, would be beneficial.

It could be a fault in the way our society works. Too many dream careers require huge sacrifices and still leave many without the big fulfillment, perhaps because our vision of success requires huge, powerful, and largely financial outcomes.

I've posted about this before, and I've come to believe this passion thing is way overrated. But if you don't feel the way I do, you can still find plenty of information out there that will tell you how to Take your first step and Achieve Your Dream.

Some are disappointed, though, when their energy wanes in the pursuit. I've been battling the conflict between what I've always thought I've wanted to do, and what I really want to do now (which are two very different things.) Thom Singer may be feeling the conflict too, as McLeod's Post Dreaming Reality "flies in the face of my current quest."

But Brazen Careerist's Penelope Trunk offers us a solution. In Bad career advice: Do what you love, she counsels:

"If you tell yourself that your job has to be something you’d do even if you didn’t get paid, you’ll be looking for a long time. Maybe forever. So why set that standard? The reward for doing a job is contributing to something larger than you are, participating in society, and being valued in the form of money."

According to Penelope, "We are each multifaceted, multilayered, complicated people..." and "None us loves just one thing." According to me, getting rid of an old dream makes room for a new one. The trick is to recognize the new dream as one of many that may not bear any resemblance to the original.

Top 19 Exercise Tips and Tricks from the Blogosphere

In just a couple of weeks, the holiday food madness will reach New Year's Resolution time, and most of us will lament the calories we've consumed and vow to get into shape. Should be no problem, right? "Life hacking" blogs can help us out. I visited 6 bloggers, 18 posts, and scanned over 200 items to come up with the following most popular tips and tricks that will get us exercising and keep us working out through the rest of winter:

FIND YOUR BEST EXERCISE TIME AND SCHEDULE IT ON YOUR CALENDAR - 17 tips in all
Tactics include: Don’t put exercise time in a place where it will easily be pushed aside by something more important. Find your best time of day for exercise. Schedule workouts. Do it early in the morning - during lunch - after work.

DON'T GET STUCK IN AN EXERCISE RUT - 15
Be a bit adventurous, try out different exercises. Seek a geographic cure.

START SMALL AND SLOW - 13
In the beginning, it’s best to hold back, and just do a little. Your goal is to set a workout routine that is challenging, but not overwhelming. If you’ve been inactive for years, you can’t run a marathon after two weeks of training.

GO FOR THE RIGHT REASON(S) - 11
Go for Yourself, Not to Impress. Focus on the feeling after the session. It’s Time for you/Time for contemplation. Don’t be motivated only by weight loss goals. Living long enough to see your grandkids … and play with them. Remember that your ultimate goal is an active lifestyle. Go for the long haul - Think of exercise as a life-long habit, and your goals will come to you eventually.

GO FOR THE OTHER RIGHT REASONS - 11
How you’re going to look. Fitting into new clothes. Being attractive. How you look in your before picture. The dread of feeling “yuck” from not exercising. The scale. Others commenting on how good you look. An upcoming day at the beach, or a reunion. Calories burned.

EXERCISE STRATEGIES A GYM TEACHER MIGHT SAY - 11
Stop making excuses. Think positive. If you fail, get up, brush yourself off, and start again. Commit yourself. Don’t worry if you’re not seeing results right away. Exercise even when you feel tired. Don’t get discouraged when you reach your plateau.

BE AWARE OF AND ANALYZE YOUR EXERCISE PROBLEMS - 11
Isolate Your Weakness. What are your priorities? Listen to your Body.

GET A WORKOUT PARTNER OR BUDDY - 9
Pick someone who is committed to their health. If you can't afford a trainer or a great instructor, or you don’t think you’re ready for one yet, grab hold of a friend with similar goals. Just make sure you don’t become so dependent on your gym buddy that you forego working out if he can’t make it. Make it a competition. Bet on who will achieve a certain goal first.

SET GOALS - 9
Set one easy, specific, measurable goal. Not weight-loss or muscle gain goals, but fitness goals. Think more along the lines of “I want to lose 20 pounds” or “I want to get down to a 15% bodyfat level Post goals where you can see them constantly.

MAKE EXERCISE FUN -8
If you don’t enjoy yourself at the gym, it is going to be hard to keep it a habit. Don’t let it be painful. If you like it you’ll keep at it. Exercise should be fun.

REWARD YOURSELF - 8
When you reach a goal, whether it is a little one or a big one, reward yourself. The first few days are the most crucial. Reward yourself often during this time. Reward Showing Up, Not Weight Loss.

MAKE IT A HABIT YOU WON’T QUIT - 8
If you can do exercise at the same time, every single day for a month, you are more likely to make it a habit. Avoid long breaks in exercising or rebuilding the habit will take some effort. Make Time. Don’t let a four day holiday interfere with your attempts to get in shape.

ADD MOTIVATORS - 8
Fitness magazines. A cover model picture on your fridge. Read blogs about people who are into running, losing weight. Find success stories
Print motivational quotes or put them on your desktop. Buy strength training books

MAKE IT SOCIAL - 7
Surround yourself with like-minded people. Get some friends to exercise together. Sign up for a class. Join an online group.

EAT HEALTHY - 6
Incorporate foods high in nutrients and low in fats and empty calories. Get the protein your muscles need to rebuild. If you do intense workouts, you will need carbs, or you won’t have enough energy. Don’t fuss over minutia like whether your getting enough Omega 3’s or tryptophan. Don’t get fooled by the deceptively healthy snacks just pretending to be good for you. You shouldn’t work out on an empty stomach — but you also shouldn’t eat right before you work out.

KICK UP INTENSITY AFTER YOU'VE BEEN EXERCISING FOR AWHILE - 6
Heavier weight. Duration Doesn’t Substitute for Intensity. Increment your exercise.

SET A TIME FRAME - 5
Do it for one month. Exercise Daily. Do a 30-day Challenge.

KEEP A LOG OR JOURNAL - 5
Do a workout, put up a star. Record the way your body feels after workouts and take body measurements.

GO PUBLIC - 5
Tell people what you’re doing! Make your goal public. Post your results on your blog.
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Here are the bloggers who did all the work coming up with the ideas, and the blog posts where you can find them:

13 Tips to Actually Enjoy Exercising - lifehack.org

Bored with your Workout? Let's Mix it Up a little! - Dumb Little Man

31 Ways to Motivate Yourself to Exercise | Zen Habits

16 Tips to Triple Your Workout Effectiveness | Zen Habits

How to Exercise like a Pro – even if you’re Not! at Ririan Project

How to Make Exercise a Permanent Habit In Your Life at Ririan Project

Seven Little Known Tips for Getting in Shape - lifehack.org

Finding a Healthier Lifestyle - How You can find the Perfect Exercise Routine – Dumb Little Man

6 Workout Hacks, Plus 8 Tips for Beginners - Dumb Little Man

Top 42 Exercise Hacks | Zen Habits

18 Ways to Supercharge a Boring Gym Session at Ririan Project

15 Tips to Restart the Exercise Habit (and How to Keep It) - lifehack.org

10 Ideas to Get You Exercising

4 Simple Steps to Start the Exercise Habit | Zen Habits

Home Gyms And Home Fitness Information: 7 Tips for Starting a New Exercise Routine

Get Healthy and Fit, Part 2 - Exercise Edition | Zen Habits

How to Get Back on the Exercise Train | Zen Habits

10 Benefits of Exercise, and How to Start Doing It at Ririan Project

Do Winners (sometimes) Quit?
Advice we've heard all our lives may be hazardous to our health.

Persistence is the keyword in life. From an early age onward, we're taught to keep at it, whatever the task, and not be swayed into nonaction by a little bit of failure. One of the first questions we're asked as children is "what do you want to be when you grow up?" The question turns into "what's your passion" once we get into our first job after college (when we're probably so far away from our passion that we just don't know it.) We're advised to Pursue Your Dream and Follow Your Bliss, and ignore the naysayers who counsel us "you probably won't succeed writing one act plays in Minnesota."

We're instructed to soldier on, whatever the cost.

As reported in Quitting Can Be Good for You (part of The New York Times Magazine's "7th Annual Year in Ideas" issue), researchers "found that teenage girls who are unable to disengage themselves from trying to attain hard-to-reach goals exhibited increased levels of the inflammatory molecule C-reactive protein (C.R.P.), which in adults is linked with diabetes, heart disease and early aging."

Now whether or not these findings are observable in the population at large is not known. But it tells me that my decisions to give up highly frustrating, little- chance-of-success goals may be a good thing. Even if it goes against everything I've been taught.

I do know that quitting a couple of projects I've spent a number of years on has opened up brainpower and time for me to pursue other goals.

Holiday Party Refreshments That Just Don't Work

Penelope Trunk's post on Brazen Careerist titled Five things people say about Christmas that drive me nuts inspired me to think deeply about this holiday madness we're facing. Like all those holiday parties scheduled between now and January 1, 2008. I've been to my share in the past, and I've come to believe the following foods and beverages should be banned from all public and private places at this time (indeed, any time) of the year:

Cheese Balls
Always labeled "port wine," these seemingly efficient creations have one basic problem: once the first guest takes a portion from a fresh ball, it immediately looks like leftovers. And have you ever been to a gathering where one of these nut-rolled wonders are devoured down to the last cracker? SOLUTION: Serve cheese by all means. Just not processed.

Spiral Sliced Ham
This actually tastes fine, if you like ham. I can never navigate the proper-sized slice. It's always one continuous ribbon, difficult to maneuver into one of those small, cube-shaped rolls. I feel like I'm going to walk away from the table trailing ham behind me, like toilet paper stuck to my shoe. SOLUTION: Consider the spiral slice a given, and contribute your own slicing before you place it on the table.

Condiments in Ramekins
Closely tied to the Spiral Sliced Ham. Granted, a big jar of Hellman's and a blazing yellow Heinz squirt bottle does irreparable damage to the buffet table aesthetics. But mayonnaise starts to turn colors when exposed to air, and mustard gets all crusty. We won't even mention the food safety issues. SOLUTION: Nix the ham and you don't have to supply the condiments in any container.

Egg Nog
"I just drink it for the alcohol," you've probably heard people say. Any beverage that requires an excuse is subject to deletion in my opinion. And is there any justification for displaying a bowl of thick, whitish-yellow creamlike substance with that most unappetizing name? SOLUTION: Serve mixed drinks, wine and beer. Or soft drinks, if you're so inclined.

Kabobs on a Cabbage
My mom made this for a Christmas Eve party a couple of years ago. Sliced a cabbage in half and spent far too much time sticking it with cold cut-laden toothpicks. It looked hazardous. After guests consumed a significant number of kabobs, we were left with a cabbage full of holes to look at. Happy Holidays! SOLUTION: Don't read housekeeping magazines before the holidays.

Sparkling Cider
A product that is All About The Package. Why else would people buy and serve apple juice with bubbles, if not to approximate champagne. It's just sweet enough to keep it from being served with any meal course. Two glasses of this and I just start feeling sick. SOLUTION: Go to bed at a normal hour that night.

Which holiday party foods/beverages would you like to retire permanently?

8 Reasons Why Many Networking Events Suck
and how organizers can improve them...

I enter a roomful of people I've never seen before. I write "MIKE" in large block letters on a nametag sticker and attach it to my shirt. I feel marked, but nobody shoots. Nobody even looks. I wander through the throng, trying to find the bar. I can feel the noise. I reach the bar, order a drink and turn to see everyone in small, closed circles. How do I break in? I decide I can't, so I focus on the people outside the groups. Their standing alone, with dead expressions.

And how can I engage a zombie?

I'm pretty good at meeting people for the first time. I don't have a problem striking up and sustaining a conversation. People genuinely like me. So why are so many of the networking events I've recently attended so bad?

1. Nobody's acting as a connector, and people have to sink or swim. You can't tell the organizers from the attendees, and the organizers are most likely perched behind a registration table or inside one of those small, closed groups. It's the organizer's responsibility to make sure that people are connecting, and the shy are included, by searching out the loners, getting them introduced around, even providing icebreakers. Get helpers to move around, meet everyone, be visible. Have them wear funny hats. Jeff Pulver's methods at his recent networking breakfast are ideal for getting strangers engaged with one another. He should be cloned and distributed live.

2. Just when it starts to get decent, the organizers stop everything and start making announcements. Sure, you need to market the event and let people know about what's upcoming. But do you have to do that in the middle of my conversation? You may have cut short a million dollar deal (not likely, but who knows?) Send emails out the next day, create a handout you can pass around unobtrusively while people are talking, highlight your events on your web site. Just don't turn the crowd into a literal audience.

3. The venue is too dark, hot, crowded, noisy (or lacks carpeting). Loud music may require that people stand closer to each other to converse, but it also makes those small circles even smaller. Think about the American Need for Personal Space (read about "Body contact and personal expression") and do a site visit beforehand. You might not be able to remedy all the problems, but at least you can be ready to work around them.

4. Your event is advertised as networking when it's really a presentation (and some of those presentations may be about networking.) Close to #2, although attendees may feel more baited-and-switched. Make sure you haven't set up chairs in the dreaded theater-style. Ban PowerPoints, can the lecturers, and don't focus the group's attention. Provide multiple food/drink stations, and spread handouts on tables around the room - anything to prove we're not back in school.

5. Too much distance between the "old guard" and the "newbies." I went to a playwriting conference at Arena Stage a few years ago - I think I even got an invitation. There were equal numbers of established writers, artistic directors, and struggling playwrights. At lunch, the status quo all sat together, while we huddled at the kids table. Know who will be attending your event. Get clear on the range of people likely involved. If you aren't able facilitate some connections between the old guard and the new, then perhaps you should cancel the event, or at least not hold it again without some real evaluation (and not that checklist you hand out asking us how much we loved you.)

6. The event becomes a figurative fishbowl. Your monthly meetup is a big success. People mark it on their calendars and email you about the next one. Those small, closed circles of participants are really a measure of your success. You wanted people to meet up, and they have. The trouble is, your event has turned into Happy Hour With Friends. Put more time into developing how you want the event to unfold, rather than relying on the "y'all show up" kind of hospitality. Go back to your original reason for getting together. Your original goal is probably light years from "we want to keep the already-acquainted talking only to those they already know."

7. Networking is scheduled for the end of a long day of presentations. This usually happens at conferences. I've been to - and organized - so many meetings jammed full of lectures, slides and handouts, where any networking time longer than a coffee break happens at the end of the day. By 6:00, people are ready for drinks, dinner and conversation, but with their friends. So many attendees have told me they're "burned out" at the end of the day, yet they find the networking to be the best part of their participation. I personally know it's almost impossible to provide for additional mingling time at an annual meeting, where even the lunches are programmed. Someone, someday, will realize this and make the necessary changes. I think.

8. Unclear, or too wide-ranging, event objectives. Sure, I know the main methods of successful networking involves meeting people first, second and third, and then maybe you can get into what you can do for each other. But it's tough to get enthused about a conversation on financial planning when I'm looking to connect on a possible business partnership level. Icebreakers are great to introduce a focused goal - and they don't have to be intricate and minutely planned. I'll bet Jeff Pulver didn't spend much time explaining his goals at the recent breakfast - and you can be reasonably assured the event didn't try to be all things to all people.
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What would I have put down for my personal tag line? How about "Mike Ambrose: Making the Personal Universal."

10 Reasons for Why I Stay In Dupont Circle

Sometimes I wonder why I continue to live in this overpriced neighborhood. I've been in my condo 15 years, and in the 'hood for 18, and I'm jonesing for a different lifestyle. Or so I tell myself. I find it tougher and tougher to battle winters here, not because they've gotten worse, but because I've lost my patience with being cold. A post on Brazen Careerist got me jotting down notes on why I stay here, and I've come up with the following 10 reasons:

1. Low mortgage payment. I bought my condo when you could get a great place for under 100K.

2. WalkScore of 97. I don't think there are many other places in this country that can top that. Although it does contribute to the still-high condo prices here.

3. Fast access to great bike trails. And stretches of Beach Drive in Rock Creek Park are closed to cars on the weekends.

4. Family nearby. Close enough to visit without traveling all day, but far enough so that they don't drop in unexpectedly.

5. Escape of urban escape. A few minutes of driving and it looks like you're out of the city altogether.

6. Close to beaches. Rehoboth is only a three-hour drive away.

7. The gay thing. Although I have seen more and more young (straight) couples with strollers (and stroller inhabitants) over the past year, 17th Street is still home to four gay bars in two blocks, and the Dupont Circle area is still known for its acceptance of "alternative lifestyles." Those of us who have been here a long time refer to the hood as the ghetto. I've gotten comfortable here, although we can still experience gay bashing nearby.

8. Close to the Metro. I'm about three blocks (or so) from the subway system.

9. Nearby friends. It's just a quick hike to where we all hang out.

10. Tons of employment possibilities. Tons.

Working Hard or Hardly Working?

There's a phrase I've had trouble understanding for most of my life: Hard Work. I hear it all the time, as in "she worked really hard to get where she is today." And there probably are very few of us who haven't received the exhortation "you're going to have to buckle down and work hard on this."

In its many guises, the term Hard Work always conjures for me the same mental scenes: shoveling dirt out of a ditch, slamming rocks with pickaxes, and human pack mules transporting heavy loads. What's missing from this picture? Any sense of joy, satisfaction, fulfillment and excitement.

But they must be there - otherwise, actors would not wait tables to finance their lives while going on auditions, mathematicians wouldn't continue to solve Fermat's last theorem, college students would stop registering for classes, and I would have never started writing a single play.

It's almost like we use the term Hard Work as a major plot point in a simple story about our lives. That story is really a fairy tale, consisting of the same motifs as Cinderella's resume: cleaned ashes from kitchen fireplace, kept physical order in country cottage, responded to customer's multiple requests (i.e., stepmother and stepsisters). We think that by grunting through life, we'll be assured our own versions of the pumpkin coach, couture gown, and glass shoes, not to mention marriage to the handsome prince.

I mean, Cinderella sure didn't get what she wanted by working. Someone came along and gave it to her, because she was downtrodden. Pretty much the same way that Extreme Home Makeover gives a custom-designed house to a "worthy" family down on its luck.

Truth be told, simple "hard work" is no guarantee of success - not even if you term success in a variety of creative ways, and not just by the barometer of money. I've come to believe that what most of us mean by Hard Work is really Work That Takes A Long Long Time - And Then We Get The Reward.

The tales we've been told are wrong, and it's tough to give them up.

Post-Cluetrain Rant

I finished reading The Cluetrain Manifesto yesterday. It's close to a decade now since it was first written, and I think it still has tons to say about our current and future online and face-to-face communications.

I caused me, also, to go on a rant. Here are my 12 theses in the spirit of Cluetrain's 95. Some of them carry explanations, while others sit there enigmatically. But I'd be please to explain my thinking to anyone who wants to start a conversation! And I will most likely expand on some of them in the days ahead:

Fluorescent lighting has to be the worst lighting in the world, and shouldn't be used anywhere except in hospitals and maybe restaurant kitchens.

CEOs of store chains: Look at your stores. Look at them!!!!

Do customers want to get in and out of stores quickly because they've got something else to do, or because the store's environment sucks?

CEOs of store chains: Look at your employees. Look at them!!!!

Everything, and I mean everything, speaks.

Retail, organization, and government leadership: Why aren't you worried about your the health of your employees and their families?

We have too much stuff. There are people in this country that can't get out of bed because they are so overweight. We have reformulated our plastic trash bags to stretch because we have too much trash to throw away.

Commerce: Surprise me. But not as I'm about to leave the store. And not as I'm walking in. Start with my "snail" mail box.

How dare you tell me I'm not worthy. How dare you.

Whatever you're doing, you're probably beating your head against a brick wall. You can stop. Now.

There's no excuse for dismal government office environments at any scale.

Nobody in the U.S. is more than an hour away from a better, more tranquil, more beautiful environment.

11 Tips on How To Meet the Famous (and/or the Very Well-Known)

Chris Brogan has been discussing how he works with a large crowd of people who want to meet him. And he's also come up with a bunch of tips and tricks to help us all when we meet the famous, or Very Well Known (VWKs). It's fascinating to me that, even in this democratized world of blogging and social networking, our "celebritendency" takes over, and no matter what group we're involved with, we feel the need to hoist up a few members into a rarified realm.

Still, it's exciting to meet someone you only know from "mass" and/or "social" media. I've met quite a large number of celebrities, and I've had VWKs involved in some of my endeavors. The following are tips I have used - they work for me (which means I haven't caused any incidents or made a total fool of myself during any encounters.)

1. Get clear in your mind your exact purpose in meeting the VWK.
If it's to shake their hand, tell them how much you like something that's tied into him or her, and get a picture of the two of you, then full steam ahead. You'll probably be successful - I have been in the past. If it's to have a big conversation, get seated at their dinner table, sell them something, or suddenly become their best buddy in the world, it's probably better if you don't approach.

2. Wait your turn.
There will probably be a small crowd around the celeb. Don't barge in. It's ok to wait in line.

3. Realize that you're going to get maybe 30 seconds with the person, and be satisfied with that.
If you've got an idea that you think the celeb will love, don't pitch it there. Work through the people coordinating the event. They can hook you up with that well-known person's staff or assistants.

4. Watch their body language while you're chatting - especially their eyes.
I've notice that people "in the public eye" use a subtle method of moving the crowd that wants to meet them. As they finish chatting with you, their eyes will land on the next person. Don't take this as an insult. Think about how you would act (probably the same) if you had 200 people waiting in line to see you!

5. Have a closing line ready to avoid awkwardness.
The celeb might be tired, and stop talking after answering your question. If you don't have anything to say at that point, it can be disconcerting to stand there with nothing to say, as the crickets chirp in the background. This is a great point to say "You've been so nice, I'm glad to have met you. So long!" and then move off.

6. It's ok to extend your hand first for a handshake.
By all means extend your hand. With a smile. It shows confidence, and allows you to control the encounter (see above).

7. It's not ok to grab that person.
Do not grab. I repeat. Do not grab. I have never done so, and it's amazing that I have to mention this. But it does happen. If you grab you'll be viewed as a psycho, and you might be wrestled to the ground by large assistants. Or worse - that VWK may ask you to leave them alone!

8. Avoid (at all costs) trying to get their attention by calling out their name, loudly.
They are trained not to respond. And if they do respond, think: is that how you want to be remembered? By yelling their name?

9. Keep the encounter short.
Just as it's not ok to stand in Costco and snarf up all the samples, it's not ok to monopolize a celeb's time. Especially if there are people waiting behind you.

10. Try not to blubber.
Compose yourself beforehand, if you feel you're going to get too excited during the actual meeting. However, if you find yourself tongue-tied, and mess up what you say, and stammer a bit, try not to get upset. It might come across as endearing. If you can laugh at yourself, the celeb might just laugh along with you. After all, you probably won't be the first person who's gone all idiotic during the encounter. (Earlier this year, I experienced brain freeze when I was introduced to Isaac Hayes. We both survived the encounter quite well.)

11. Meet other people.
That's what you're there for, isn't it? And everyone's got a story. Somebody might even be able to partner with you. Remember that, first and foremost.
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That's Charo who's got me in a headlock. She's quite delightful!

You Do Have People Working There, Don't You?

When I'm pulling up a "new-to-me" Web site, 90% of the time my 2nd click is either on "About Us" or "Contact Us." What I find on that page far to often is either an online form to fill out, or a generic email address.

What I want is: A list of staff and a physical, street, suite number, city state and zip address.

Why do sites continue to act as if they don't have staff? When I can't find people's names, it makes me think:

you're a fly-by-night group that doesn't exist;
you've got your people locked to their desks in the basement;
your employee turnover rate is close to 99%;
you're afraid that listing staff names will give them too much power;
you just don't care.

There's probably no real excuse not to have staff listed on an organization's Web site. Not anymore.

Showing the Plug and Not the Cable

37 Signals wonders why we show the cable and not the plug. That is, why we focus on what we think we should show, instead of what the other person really needs for us to show. It's a fantastic post, pointing up a flaw of everyday communication, and it made me remember an example I experienced many years ago.

As a graduate assistant for a television production class, I was the one who shot the student video, as guided by the student director, and later stuck all the shots together, as guided by the student editor. These were short productions, less than 5 minutes in length. And most of them involved a character walking through a door.

In just about every shoot, the director wanted a closeup of the actor's hand turning the doorknob. This meant one more setup, and a separate lighting procedure, just to show the grabbing the doorknob, twisting it, and opening the door.

An extra setup, to show us something we do so often we don't even think about it. The extra time it took quickly ate into our short shooting and editing window.

I started advising the directors that they didn't need the closeup doorknob shot, unless the doorknob was covered with peanut butter or slime or wouldn't turn at all because the door was locked (which had to be a part of the script.)

The professor guiding us grad assistants told me to let the students make the mistake and find their errors on their own.

Anyway, the 37 Signals post reminded me of our tendency to show ALL the details in, well, an incredibly detailed fashion, even if those details are so well cemented in our minds that we can move right past them to the good stuff.

And I'm running a level-3 diagnostic on my brain to find out all the myriad times I've done the same thing.
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photo from Scott Fisher: Environmental Media Archives - it's the doorknob from Disney's "Alice in Wonderland," I believe.

10 "Get The Body You've Always Wanted" Tips, Tricks and Motivators

It seems, no matter where you turn, we're obsessed with body size, exercise, and portion size. I'm obsessed as much as everyone else. So I came up with the following fitness tips and tricks to keep you motivated as winter (or at least fall) approaches. I use all ten myself, so they work (at least for me.) Feel free to add your own to the comments section! Just be sure to check with your physician if you've been a couch potato for too long and suddenly feel the urge to become Charles Atlas. Full disclosure: I find #3 the toughest to follow, unless it's combined with #1.

1. Invest in "Personal Buttkicking" (PBK)
Sign up for, but don't spend all your money on, PBK - my term for Personal Training. A trainer's expertise, motivational skill, personality and sense of humor will do wonders for your workout. Most trainers charge between $65-100 per 50-minute session, so it can get expensive. If you're strapped for funds, ask if you can contract for two sessions (I'll explain why in a minute.) Some gyms offer new members a couple of sessions gratis; if you're not new, watch for specials, or take the initiative and ask about discounts. Maximize your sessions by asking for diet and exercise tips for when you "go solo" again. Good trainers will provide you with simple meal and workout plans without being asked. Good trainers will also ask you about your goals. My reasoning for a minimum of two sessions? Trainers love clients who put everything they've got into their workout, and do it with a sense of humor. If you can muster a laugh when you think you're going to die, the trainer will remember you. Workout on your own when the trainer's with other clients and you'll feel like your in the classroom and the teacher is watching. I've had trainers volunteer tips and motivation for even after we've completed all our sessions. That's motivating!

2. Watch motivational/inspirational television shows
A steady diet of crime, murder, terrorism and political scandal on news shows, day and night soap operas, and Law & Order SVU (which I love) drains our energy. Content that's sarcastic, violent or features Brad Pitt feeds our inner critic and exposes us to hopeless scenarios. Try finding shows that feature people doing extraordinary things, that highlight creativity, and/or present others in a more positive light. "The Biggest Loser" is a good choice. "Wife Swap" is out of the question.

3. Replace your "cheat day" with a single "cheat item"
The trouble with "cheat day" - that all important 24 hours when you can eat whatever you want - is it expands too easily into "cheat 3-day." "I'll splurge on breakfast today," you rationalize, "lunch tomorrow, and dinner on Monday. I'll eat healthy the rest of the week. "Cheat meal" can go the same way, too, if you eat donuts in the morning, bacon at lunch and, what the heck, a cheesburger, fries and diet coke at dinner. I suggest focusing instead on a once-per-week cheat ITEM. For example, ice cream. Limit yourself to a pint, which forces portion control. Only buy one pint each week, close to the time you're actually going to consume it. Choose the "healthiest" brand you can find. You don't have to jettison taste - there's lots of great low-fat, low-cal, or light ice cream and sorbet out there. Take it home, give it your full attention, and eat it slooooooooooow, because that's all you get until next week. Your goal is to stop confusing your taste buds and acclimate yourself to enjoy healthier food.

4. Take stock and push ahead of the curve
I took this from my "Happiness Commandments." Basically, it's about training your mind to deal with workout pain. There are times I'm riding my bike or lifting weights at the gym when the miles or the pounds get ahead of me. I feel like something needs to pull me along, instead of pushing me from behind. At these times, I take stock of my body, asking myself "am I going to have a heart attack? A stroke? What hurts? My butt?" When I find I'm not doing too badly, and when I let my legs or arms or whatever hurt, I can compartmentalize the feeling, and keep it from taking over my entire body. And if I'm not going to have a heart attack, then I can push myself harder.

5. Sign up for a 5K
You've got to have a goal to work for - and in most cases, merely stating your desire to lose weight or build muscle isn't going to satisfy you in the long run. Have an actual event to work toward. Running your first 5K, bicycling in a charity ride, even going on a cruise or attending your high school reunion are good events to consider. Get your goal outside yourself, and you'll achieve what you need inside yourself.

6. Ask for a spot
If you're new to this whole gym thing, you could find it daunting. You might flash back momentarily to gym class in school. There's a big difference now, though. People might look focused and mean in a gym, but they're really just focused. Ask someone to spot you for a set of bench presses. You'll find that most gym denizens are happy to help out once in a while. You might even find a workout partner.

7. Find a gym as close to work or home as possible.
This is the old "location, location, location" thing. But it's especially true for gyms. Ideally, a gym should be walking distance from home or the office. If not, then try to locate one on your route from home to the office. If you don't have to go out of your way, you're more likely to get that workout in, even if you're tired and hungry and hate your life.

8. Watch out for endorphins*
Not so you can avoid the little buggers, but so you can realize when they kick in. Endorphins are chemicals your body releases, usually after some stress, which make you feel good. You may have heard the term "runner's high." That's a result of endorphins. After a stressful physical workout, your body dispatches these chemicals as a way of smoothing over the pain. It usually happens to me after a long bike ride. Watch for a general rise in your energy level an hour or so after your workout. Some people feel lighter, others more focused. Learn to recognize these feelings. If you find a way to bottle them, you'll make a fortune.
˙ǝpıɯɐpuɐuɐ pıouıqɐuuɐɔopuǝ ǝɥʇ ʎllɐǝɹ s,ʇı os 'ʇɥƃıɹllɐ*

9. Schedule your workout during your daily "transition times"
I have three daily "transition times," when my body forces me to get up and move: immediately after waking up (6:30am), lunch (12 noon), and the "late afternoon stretch" (5pm). My brain is no good at these times - but my body's jockeying at the gate. Pay attention to what your brain and body tell you during the day, especially those times your brain acts like a two-year-old and yells "I want to play!!!!" Then let it!

10. Buy something you almost can't fit into - but want to one day
Something tight, form fitting, and from the athletic store will do fine. Buy it even if it shows all your folds and bulges. You might even think the shirt or workout pants accentuate your love handles, etc. That's fine! You want it to! Then it will be easier to see your progress a few weeks down the road when the lycra doesn't have to strain so much.
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This post was inspired by the Tips and Tricks blog writing contest announced yesterday at Daily Blog Tips. Thanks for the opportunity to enter!

Thou Shalt Not Be Miserable!
12 Happiness Commandments - Part 2

Yesterday I published my first six Happiness Commandments, inspired by The Happiness Project. Today, here's the second six:

7. Believe in the Next Big Thing
I once heard that actors feel they'll never work again after the show closes or the movie is finished filming. I'm that way with amazing experiences. I've had many, but after each one, I have this feeling that I'll never have another one again. But if I look at my track record, I can see that just when I thought things were bleakest in this category, another big thing would happen. This is very close to "having something to look forward to."

8. Take Stock Then Move Ahead of the Curve
last week I was feeling physically down. Tired. I blamed it on DC's wonderful allergy season (all year long). When I rode my bike, I felt behind the curve. But I took stock of exactly how my body felt, and when I found I wasn't going to throw up, have an aneurism, or a heart attack, I was able to push ahead.

9. Keep Acting "As If"
I've gotten really far with this - so much so, I recommend it to others.

10. Nobody Cares
Extremely freeing, although it sounds like a cause to be unhappy. But sometimes real unhappiness happens when you think others are looking at you in a less than stellar light. Truth is, most people are thinking about themselves, and not about you. This frees my thinking and energizes me to take more chances.

11. Once a Week
Meet a friend or a contact for coffee and advance my communications and online community building talents. I've been doing this over the last couple of months and I find it's a blast!

12. Write It, Wear It, Publish It, Lift It
My version of "just do it."

Thou Shalt Not Be Miserable!
12 Happiness Commandments - Part 1

Happiness is all the rage these days, and nowhere more so than on Gretchen Rubin's very useful blog titled The Happiness Project. Gretchen recently posted tips on creating your own Happiness Commandments. These are short phrases that stand for big ideals - you know you're not thinking large enough if they sound like items from a "To-Do" list. I've taken Gretchen's advice and come up with my own 12 Happiness Commandments. I think I'm on the right track - here are the first six:

1. Create Calm
Clutter clogs my brain. I feel much calmer in an uncluttered* room, working at an uncluttered desk. And if I'm calm, I'm happy.

2. Remember the Alibi
I'm a great one for telling people that if they only knew what was going on in the minds of others, then they'd feel a whole lot less self-conscious, as most people are probably thinking about themselves. Yeah, I'm a great one for that, and then I go out on my own and feel totally self-conscious. So I need to remember when Fort Lauderdude and I went to the Alibi bar in Florida a few weeks back, and I watched him from afar while I was getting drinks. He looked totally self-possessed and confident, although I knew he was thinking "I get out of here." I need to remember that moment.

3. Stretch and Breath
Instead of bounding out of bed and down the stairs or into the living room, I feel a whole lot better if I first take some time to stretch out after waking up. It's like breakfast, only much cheaper. And breakfast gets done at some point soon after. And taking a few deep breaths actually does help the body calm down!

4. Divide by 15
After all these years, I've found I work best in 15 minute increments. Sure, I can concentrate on something for an hour or so. But that's exhausting. I need refreshers every 15 minutes or so. And a good one is:

5. Walk to Nowhere
A great 15 minute refresher. The "nowhere" part is key. I used to think that running an errand would kill the two birds. I'd get out, and something would get done. But since I instituted these walks, sans multitasking, my brain gets clear and focused and I can think up more ideas. And more ideas = more happiness for me.

6. Option my Life.
Get interested in my life as if it's a billion-dollar screenplay and all of Hollywood wants to option it. If I don't think that, then exactly who else will?

Check back tomorrow for numbers 7-12. And in the meantime, consider Dumb Little Man's 30 Happiness Tips: Program Your Life for Optimum Enjoyment.
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*Decluttering tip: Don't let postal mail hit a flat surface. Sort it out by hand before you lay the stack of ads and bills down, then throw away anything that's classically "junk." I then put bills in a box on my desk. This has done amazing things for my living room.

All About the Package
A study has found some small proof of what parents have known for years: that children prefer foods branded McDonald's over foods in unprinted containers. Researchers asked children which tastes better, fries, carrots or milk in a McDonald's wrapper or the same foods in everyday, non-corporate garb. They answered McDonald's, as reported in today's New York Times.*

I could have told somebody that. Growing up, I saw it happen in my family. But my anecdotes aren't scientific, double-blind investigations, so it's interesting to see this behavior supported by some statistics.

The article taps into my recent thinking about this whole food-packaging issue. Urged on by all the "green living" info available online, I'm considering an experiment to see if I can go a week only eating grocery store-available foods packaged as simply as possible, with minimal marketing ink used in helping them jump off the shelves. I thought it might be difficult.

But once I took a look at my weekly diet, I found I would have to make such small changes, it might not be worth it. From bananas, wrapped in nature's best natural marketing wrapper, through free-range chicken, olive oil, fresh vegetables et al, my usual food intake requires little coaxing from Madison Avenue.

I would allow "coelacanth packages" - like egg cartons, which have been around since the dawn of human time, are absolutely necessary, and can be easily retro-fitted* with pipe cleaners, goggle eyes and multicolored paints to resemble caterpillars. I would have to give up peeled baby carrots though, in favor of the less-processed, straight out of the ground kind.

So I continue to work out the bugs in the experiment idea. But leave it to marketing guru Seth Godin to expand our thinking about wrappers in a still-relevant Fast Company essay from March 2001 that begins "That wedding dress is the wrapper on your wedding day." Seth's words have stuck in my brain over the years, as he analyzes our need for packages, boxes or bags:

"At the same time that we're abandoning some traditional wrappers, some businesses are becoming ever more obsessed with the wrapper. They understand that their businesses are really about wrappers, and so they offer their T-shirts, their soaps, their teas -- even their computer workstations -- in wrappers and packages that satisfy our inner need for beauty."

As further proof of the article's relevance, it seems that even in 2007 we'll gladly pay for the same cookies over and over, as evidenced in The Consumerist article "Like Those 100 Calorie Packs? You're Paying Twice As Much."
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*But not reported there first - CNN scooped the Times in early August, and Pronet Advertising posted an August 7 commentary on the study.

**Just find a bunch of kindergarteners and you've recycled, for a short time at least, months worth of trash; oatmeal boxes can become pigs this way too.

Horizontal Vs. Vertical

Just got back from spending a bunch of days in Fort Lauderdale, FL. For those of you who read this and are incredulous, saying "You went to Florida in August?!?!?" I say "It's a whole lot nicer than DC in August!"

I lounged on my friend's balcony and watched a parade of tropiclouds at every hour of the day.
I marinated in the ocean every day.
I read a book, one actual book, the same one, every day.

I'm finding it difficult to go back to reading blogs and other online information, though. I'm pretty sure it's because when I read the book (Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert) I moved my eyes from left to right, then down to the next line and left to right.

Online I read from top to bottom. Oh sure, there's left to right. But I think there's more perusing of lists, more text going by my eyes like the credits at the end of a movie.

It hurts. I'll get used to it again. Funny, though. I didn't have to get used to reading "the old-fashioned way."

As for Stumbling on Happiness - I really enjoyed it. Gilbert takes us on a tour of our brain's capacity to feed us illusions of reality. If that sounds just too metaphysical, I'll add that he also supplies us with easily-digestible results of actual scientific mind-testing, on human subjects that were not harmed in the pursuit of knowledge and, well, happiness.

I found much in the book that I've figured out for myself over the years, as well as examples in my own life that further pointed up how even I can completely delude myself into abject misery and despair. I'll post a couple of examples in the next post or so. Once I get used to typing, my laptop, and all these things called Web sites once again.

How To Get The Job Of Your Dreams
Part 2

Yesterday I posted my thoughts on Fast Company's short slide presentation titled "How To Get The Job Of Your Dreams.". After weighing in on the first three quotes, I promised my opinions on the second three today, and here they are:

"People who think they should just get things for who they are or whatever are the people who don’t make it. If you want to follow what you want to do, you have to have that extra drive and effort that nobody else has." -- Fatal1ty. Professional Video Gamer.

Not sure what he's saying here in the first sentence - I think it's "don't expect an engraved invitation." As for the second sentence - I'm tired of people saying you have to work so bloody hard that you might end up with a quintuple bypass and a stroke on your way to your bliss. Do we honestly believe everyone has to do it this way? I think this idea is just as bad as "magical thinking" - or "if you want it hard enough, you'll get it."

"The very first thing you have to do when you want to find that job you are passionate about is you have to be honest with yourself to a point where it may almost be painful… Because many times when you say this is what I want to do, everyone around you will look at you like you’ve lost your mind… You have to be able to handle the pressure and outside criticism." -- Rebecca Donohue. Stand-up Comedian.

I really agree with the first part of this quote. I've come to a point in my life (with my script writing) where I've been incredibly honest with myself, and it's been a painful decision to quit - although it's felt good too. And it's opened up new vistas for me.

"For people who want to get into music -- if you want to be an artist use the Internet. Make a cool video and put it on YouTube. There are so many amazing things made possible now with the net and with MySpace and so many ways to get your music out there." -- Mark Ronson. Music Producer and Artist.

Rings true for me. I wish I had today's resources twenty years ago when I was studying communications in grad school. Actually, I learned from the ground up, shooting and editing 16mm black and white film by hand, creating video with large, heavy equipment, learning the basics of lighting - key, back and fill. So I feel I have hands-on experience. But only up to a point. Now we're faced with zillions of people creating content online. And we haven't done it long enough to see whether or not it's sustainable by the "masses." I mean, how long can anyone create without seeing some sort of monetary return?

I've thought and looked at lists of people and thought some more and I still can't come up with anyone I know who's working in their dream job. I've come up with people who worked - in the past - in their dream job, but the dream changed.

I don't see a whole lot of writing on that.

How To Get The Job Of Your Dreams
Part 1

This just in from the "How To Do It" file... Fast Company has a short slide show titled "How To Get The Job Of Your Dreams." I was looking for other information on their site, but this drew me in like a black hole. I spent all of 1 minute 30 seconds viewing it, as it's very very short. The advice, quick quotes from notable people, hits the usual notes: give it your all, don't quit, pay attention, analyze, start small. No mention of luck. No mention of "surround yourself with people who work in their dream jobs" (although that might be difficult, as they're usually working.)

Still, it made me think, especially as I'm looking for a job. Here are my thoughts (in bold) on each quote. As there are six quotes in all, I'll run three today and three tomorrow:

"Never give up. People go 99% of the way and then just like when running a race, they get really tired towards the end. But it's those that go the last 1% who are successful. Edison was right: it's 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. Keep going because you never know when you might succeed -- success sneaks up on you." -- Jim Clash. Adventure Columnist, Fortune Magazine.

I give up, because sometimes I have to keep my sanity. Getting tired towards the end - that's one thing, and I'm used to that. Hating the race, or at least no longer finding it interesting (which is where I am now), is another thing entirely.

"An indirect path to where you eventually want to arrive may be better than taking a direct route. As a designer, it's beneficial to make oneself as eclectic and interdisciplinary as possible. Take auxiliary classes. Because while you're studying algae or even sheep diseases, you never know what information you might get and how that might end up influencing your design work someday." -- Pam Greene. Senior Design Innovator, Nike Considered Line.

That's the way my mind works. I like this quote the best, as it's something I advocate for others, as well as myself. Keeping options open, and interests too, have steered me into some pretty interesting jobs. Maybe by using this tactic my next job will be a "dream." The trick for me, though, is being open to new horizons on a daily basis. The older I get, the more I feel I need to revisit past comforts.

"All you have to do is go create your dream job if it doesn't exist. Don’t wait around for someone to hand you the perfect job -- go out and start making it happen." -- Steve Hager. Editor, High Times Magazine.

This is the "just do it" idea, and I've followed this advice before. The problem comes when I've met with some success crafting my own route, but it didn't result in a sustainable income.

And a final thought (for today) - I don't think I know anyone who is working in his or her dream job! I'll have to do a little research, and I hope to have some details for tomorrow's post (which will contain the final three quotes from the slideshow.)