My Top 20 Tactics for Taming Terrible TV Addiction Madness

I basically made one New Year's Resolution last week: to work on my TV addiction. It's been with me for a long, long time, from my early days when I rushed home from school to watch Dark Shadows, through my higher education years (majoring in Television and Communications - what else?) I've realized I need to do something to curb my nightly channel surfing activities, but I wasn't having much luck in figuring out exactly what to replace the tube with until I fell upon The 9 Step Television Diet (at Think Simple Now, by way of The Happiness Project.)

Tina's list of television's evil effects hit home for me, and her options for battling this particular monkey are simple and achievable. They also encouraged me to come up with my own list of Things To Do Instead of Watching TV and Ways To Battle the Madness. They are:

1. Turn the TV on later in the evening. (I got used to this when I was working at home all last summer and fall.)
2. Cultivate the ability to turn things off. (I turn off the stove after using it - think of the TV as the stove.)
3. Increase my stamina. (This helps with number 15, below.)
4. Replace with working out, a class, a hobby
5. Move to someplace more active all year round
6. Turn on the radio - methadone for TV addicts
7. Call people on the phone
8. Take the laptop to a coffee shop
9. Turn the set on, but turn off the sound
10. Figure out other relaxation methods
11. Go to bed earlier. (This will allow me to Get up earlier.)
12. Move the Tube - to a less central and accessible location.
13. Get rid of cable. (This one's tough, unless I really start thinking about what I can buy with the money I've saved after 6 months - which amounts to a weekend trip to the beach!)
14. Stay longer at work.
15. Move my gym workouts to the evening.
16. Do home improvements
17. Plan out tomorrow or next week (lunches, dinners, work plan, workouts)
18. Allow for some (few) days when I will watch TV the way I used to. (During blizzards. And cold torrential downpours. When I'm sick. Or after a particularly stressful week or month.)
19. Freelance! (Make extra money!)
20. Blog.

(I would put "reading" as number 21, but for me, reading can become an addiction too. So while I definitely think it's better than watching "The Biggest Loser," I also consider it the methadone of TV addiction cures.)

Broadway Tony Loses to Tony Soprano
and what the American Theatre Wing can do about it...

The Washington Post is reporting that this year's Tony Awards show (aired Sunday night, June 10) could be the least-watched Tony Awards ever. The American Theatre Wing (which co-produces the Tonys) blames The Sopranos finale over on HBO. I think it's because, for the majority of Americans, live theater (much less Broadway itself) is not relevant to their lives.

I propose that the awards be broadcast in an entirely different way, with grassroots support from those people across the world who are genuinely interested in the proceedings. The Tonys could take a lesson from Timothy Ferriss, who tells us on page 34 of his book The 4-Hour Work Week that we should "Emphasize Strengths, Don't Fix Weaknesses."

Broadway has a rabidly committed audience out there. The Tonys should stop playing to the general public.

Exactly how could they do this?

1. Broadcast the show in high definition not only nationwide, but to movie theaters in medium-large cities with active theater communities and to schools with good drama programs (as the Metropolitan Opera does now.)

2. Create "Throw Your Own Tony Awards" materials containing ideas (such as "gather people together and find a large-screen television to watch the show on") that will not only market the awards but show the fans that Broadway cares about their opinion (more on that below.) Include tips for everything - party theme, getting the best high definition signal, etc. Send it to anyone who wants it.

3. Hand out most of the awards before the curtain goes up on the actual ceremony itself.

4. Now for the big change: instead of mind-numbing presenter after presenter reading lists from cue cards, broadcast extended sections of the shows up for "Best Musical," as well as those with top actor/actress nominations. Give the audience background info in the toolkits. Let them know What The Story Is. The two musical excerpts I saw - from "Grey Gardens" and "Spring Awakening" - were energetic, but I can't tell you the most basic plot line for either of them.

5. Develop a new award category: America Votes for Tonys.

6. Allow the fans to vote, either by phone or online during the show, for their favorite musical (in each category) based on the scenes they've just seen (like on American Idol.)

7. Ignore the plays, at least for the telecast. In past shows, I've never seen an excerpt from a play work in generating my interest when shown on TV.

I'm sure the American Theatre Wing, home of the Tony Awards, struggles every year with making their awards telecast relevant to a national audience of non-theatergoers. But they're selling a product that most of us cannot purchase without committing a major amount of time and money to do so. In order to actually see a Broadway show, you have to reserve a hotel room (in advance, at least $250/night), travel to New York city (another outlay of at least $250), and purchase tickets (again, in advance, at around $100 per seat.) I've just spent over $500 and the orchestra hasn't even tuned up.

And while the American Theatre Wing may have data that shows an upturn in box office receipts for winning shows, have they ever tried to figure out if the awards telecast is responsible for developing interest in people who up until now have no interest in Broadway (or even just a little?)

I know they're trying to develop that interest. Last night's tag line was "There's a little bit of Broadway in everyone." But I didn't understand what they meant by that.

The show itself looked and felt just like any other awards show.

Support the audience that cares. Let them convert the masses.

The Big Eye Blinks
According to USA Today, CBS has ordered up another seven episodes of Jericho!

We'll all be able to see what happened after all the shooting started.

Now the Jericho writers can add a gay character (although that may be too much to ask.)

I see CBS's decision as an excellent customer service action.

Next time, can we order it without nuts?

TCM's Rare Misstep
While Tom Shales over at The Washington Post reviews Turner Classic Movies' "Screened Out," their month-long investigation of "Gay Images in Film," I'll contribute my thoughts on their summer-long festival of family-friendly flicks, "Funday Night at the Movies."

The series began last night with the #1 family-friendly movie ever made - The Wizard of Oz (flying monkeys nothwithstanding.) Tom Kenny intro'd the movie, hosting a bunch of "tween" kids on a clubhouse-type set. This misstep here is the concept. We were led to believe, in the previews over the past month, that we'd gain some insight into the films by having all these kids around. However, Tom looked stiff as he reacted to the camera lens, giving me the impression he was reading from cue cards. The kids sat around without much to do, other than almost destroy a prop (on purpose). After the film, Tom provided some low-energy tall tales surrounding those monkeys, and then frightened the kids away with an unopened box of them.

It came across as erzatz Nickleodeon. At least "The Wizard" wasn't interrupted for additional shenanigans.

And then there's the whole "repackaging" aspect of this new endeavor. More on that in a bit.

Tom Shales rightly believes TCM is the classiest cable channel. And their original programming, mostly documentaries on stars and genres, is top notch. So I can forgive them this brief respite from brilliance. Hopefully they'll get this format together for future shows.

But I'm still left with a feeling they're just repackaging the same TCM stuff, and not trying anything new. Years ago, when I was a radio announcer and station music director in the wilds of New Hampshire, the general manager came to me with a new idea she and the sales staff were working on. "Jukebox Saturday Night," they called it, and the idea was to sell one hour blocks of ads to a client, who would "sponsor" the hour. "Great," I said. "Do we get to buy some new music, maybe expand our library of 50's and 60's tunes?"

"Oh no," said the GM. "We're going to work with the music we've got."

Jukebox Saturday Night never did get plugged in. I don't think the potential "sponsors" weren't all that thrilled with it, but I'll never know if additional music would have made the difference.

I'll be checking out TCM next Sunday night to see what they do next with this "Funday" idea.

No Mo
A nuclear shockwave went through the nation this week. CBS cancelled Jericho. After killing off Gerald McRaney in the season finale, and slamming into a blackout just as Jericho started firing their remaining ammo at New Bern, we now find that we cannot go back to this post-nuclear landscape and Find Out What Happens.

Jericho was the first ongoing-plot drama I've religiously watched in a long long time. But I've got a thing for post-apocalyptic storylines. I'm going to miss it.

But maybe not. At petitiononline.com you can add your voice to the 88,263 others calling for CBS to bring Jericho back.

Remember Star Trek back in the sixties? (I'm showing my age here.) How it was cancelled after three seasons, to the dismay of die-hard fans? And look at today - I believe you can find a rerun playing somewhere in the world at any hour of any day.

I'm not surprised Jericho was cancelled. Without going into its ratingzzzz (which I haven't been following), or how much money it has or hasn't made for CBS, I'll give a couple of my opinions on Why The Show Is No More.

1. I felt the writers didn't know where they were going. I liked the fact that the town faced a tough winter (in spite of the fact that somehow, many of their trees stayed green.) But there's only so much a writer can do with "we don't have enough food to last until spring, what are we gonna do?"

2. The "mystery" aspects of Robert Hawkins' character became less and less mysterious. The whole FBI-CIA-whoever-they-are skullduggery seemed like it was happening in a different show entirely.

But I still liked the show! Come on, CBS - show me some customer service! If you really valued me as a customer, you'd search out my opinion on Jericho. You'd put out a call across the country and around the world for ideas. Run a contest to develop a new character! Or the plotline for an episode!

Here's one from me - develop a story that deals with how gays are treated in the "[new]SA." Would gay and lesbian citizens be seen as detrimental, due to the lower population? Would the heterosexuals see LBGTQs as people who aren't pulling their weight? people? Bring a gay character in, and let the townsfolk deal with him or her.

After major conflict, I think they'd run him or her out of town on a rail.

We might just have to face reality, though, since Hollywood only cares about money (and not even your money, but the money from advertisers). We may never find out what happens. So here's a thought: for anyone still mourning the passing of Jericho, a suggestion: pick up a copy of Cormac McCarthy's novel The Road. Pretend that the father and son are characters you haven't met in the Jericho series. And take it from there...

Cheesy Promotion Language
I'm watching a tv show on various snack food factories, and I'm hearing a number of terms that gunk up my brain like a pipe full of sludge. I'm talking about those terms that we hear all the time in advertising, the words and phrases that marketers believe will endear us to their products. Me, I just find them cheesy, and annoying in a number of different ways. And these words are:

Best Kept Secret
Used to describe regional products or products that have a small and rabid fan base, I just heard this phrase in a program segment on Dippin's Dots, an ultra-frozen mini-sphere ice cream foodstuff. I also used to hear it when I worked for a very large youth education organization. I always wondered, and still do, why anyone would admit to having a business that's a "best kept secret."

Authentic
Today I heard this adjective linked to "brick ovens," implying that the baking method for a brand of pretzels was somehow linked to a historic cooking method. The trouble is, nobody bothered to linked the word "authentic" to a specific culture, time period, or cuisine. It was implied, and while most viewers would believe there was truth spoken here, I was left wondering exactly what this "authenticity" was really referring to.

Sneak Peek
It seems we're always being offered a "sneak peek," of an upcoming show episode, or a movie, sometimes a concert. Trouble is, I don't like anything "sneaky," because to me it means "somewhat illegal." And the word "peek" is just a little too fey and cutesy to my ears. Put them together and I get this ridiculous vision of an executive producer, on tiptoes, hunched over, lifting the canvas a bit so we can see what's going on inside the circus tent. Note that this vision has nothing to do with the episode, movie, or concert in question.

Your Favorite
Always, always, always used on infomercials for highly specialized cooking or mixing machines. The excitable hosts are working much too hard to link this product to my needs, and by saying "add your favorite pasta, ice cream, spice mix, or fruit and vegetable" they've just gone over the edge. Especially since I never think of the foods in my kitchen as indicative of "my favorite" anything. The "best tasting" or "best deal in the store" perhaps, but "my favorites" can change from day to day. The effect on me - I feel like these uber-bubbly infomercial people are standing just a little too close, like someone on Seinfeld.

Just and Simply
Open up SkyMall and read all about how you "just attach the special vacuum pump to the giant inflatable bounce-castle" and you can "simply" inflate this expensive monstrosity to a size that can destroy most of the grass on your front lawn. Or "simply plug in" the magic fingers massage chair and ease your flight-related stress away for a mere $1250. One or two uses of "just" and "simply" are fine. But read these words over and over in SkyMall before you take off, and the product blurbs become a little too insistent, approaching shrill.

There Comes One Of Them Now!
Turner Classic Movies is running a Guest Programmer contest. All you need to do is create a short video explaining why you should be chosen as Guest Programmer for an evening of movies on TCM and you might just win. Funny how they don't ask you what movies you'd pick. So I've gone ahead and NOT produced a video, and selected the movies I'd screen if I was chosen:

Because it's the greatest movie ever made.

Because it's out of its mind.

Because it's intensely frightening, hugely influential, and made for about $7.00.

Because it's the most underrated movie musical of the sixties.

Something You Can Always Count On
The day after the Oscars, you can always count on Tom Shales absolutely BLASTING the show in the Washington Post. And this year has been no exception. Nowadays, I dispense with watching the telecast, and just read Shales's rant the next morning. It tells me all I need to know.

For me, knowing how Tom is going to feel about the Oscar show is quite in line with Seth Godin's post "I'm not surprised."

If I was an Oscar telecast producer, I'd read the last twenty years of Tom Shales reviews before I put the next year's awards on the air.

Oprah Hogs the Spotlight
Why is PBS showing a documentary on Oprah Winfrey? Why are they giving extra broad and cablecast time to someone who doesn't need it? Oprah's on TV all the time... if it's not her show, then it's something called "after her show." There are millions of other African American lives PBS can showcase. Why does it have to be the woman who practically owns... Oh, wait a minute, I know why they're doing it - money. PBS is thinking, with a show on Oprah, we'll get tons of eyeballs. Ratings.

Maybe they could spend a little less money on advertising?
Had an epiphany the other day. I realized that television advertising does nothing to influence what products I buy, what vacations I take, what services I purchase, and what I eat. I took a look at an earlier list I posted - the brands I pay into for goods and services and/or associate myself with - and found I could not remember a single advertising spot they've produced. Nor could I say that TV ads influenced my decisions to purchase from them. I've even been paying more attention to commercials over the past couple of days, to find one spot that is either for something I buy, or would make me buy something. And while there are Comcast and Enterprise and Disney commercials, they never swayed my opinion and made me search them out.

So, maybe some of that money spent on producing ads and buying time and researching viewers could be spent on something a bit less fleeting.

The Best Was Yet Last Night

In reviewing Tuesday night's NBC special "Tony Bennett: An American Classic," The Hollywood Reporter quipped: "Bottom Line: The best thing of its sort that you will ever see." And I have to agree. The birthday salute to the 80-year-old "grand old man of pop" was an hour of breeze, on-the-spot and dead-right orchestrations, cool dancing... and an hour too short. My favorite parts: the sixties television studio variety show re-creation (for the song "The Best Is Yet To Come"), and the duet "Just In Time." It was all perfect - and totally devoid of pretension. Just how perfect it was became immensely clear during the Target commercials, which were exceedingly ugly - black and white plus glaring red, featuring all of the singers in the special as if they were photographed by bad pararazzi. Hopefully, NBC will show this again, soon.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things
I watched an episode of Jericho Wednesday night on CBS, after reading a number of reviews for Cormac Mccarthy’s recently published novel The Road, which led me to fondly remember my favorite (and not so favorite) stories of global apocalypse and societal breakdown…

La Jetee
It's short. Made in 1962. 99+44/100% of it is still pictures. All about time travel after a nuclear war. And it’s in French. It just shouldn’t work at all. I just saw it a couple of weeks ago for the first time in 30 years. And it’s much more shattering than "12 Monkeys" - the remake.

Night of the Living Dead
Simple, basic, frightening. When the eating starts, even the background music is destroyed.

On the Beach
In Australia, Gregory Peck, Ava Gardner, Fred Astaire, and Anthony Perkins wait out the last days of humanity after a nuclear war. That’s right, Gregory Peck, Ava Gardner, Fred… oh, never mind.

Testament
Sounds like rapture claptrap - NOT! Simple tale of a small California town dying off after a nuclear war. Do we see a pattern here? Jane Alexander’s presence makes it all too… artsy and political. But it’s got Kevin Costner, years before he’d try much the same thing in the uber-ridiculous “The Postman.” Guaranteed to kill any party.

The Day After
Supposedly, ABC cut this down to two hours in a panic when, as I remember it, the zeitgeist surrounding it got too hot. And that was before it aired. After the bombs drop, it’s a long slow slog with Steve Gutenberg to the end of the world. Not to be confused with the long slow slog with Steve Gutenberg that is “Cocoon.”

The World, the Flesh and the Devil
Mel Ferrer (aka Mr. Audrey Hepburn), Harry Belafonte, and Inger Stevens (who?) are the last three people in New York City. How they all got there and where the other bodies went is anyone’s guess. Not nearly as good as…

The Quiet Earth
A man, a woman, and a Maori tribesman (uh, ok) are the only three people left in New Zealand, probably the whole world. Works up to an interesting finish.

Kiss Me Deadly
“Blood Red Kisses! White Hot Thrills” goes its tagline. How does a Mickey Spillane adaptation fit with this list? Well, if you happen to see it sometime on Turner Classic Movies, just keep watching…

The Stand
Steven King’s phone-book sized tale of a superflu virus and the devastation it brings was an ABC miniseries with more gore than "The Day After." Still, the book was better.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers
Don Siegel’s model-of-economy black and white flick scared the heck out of us when we were kids (we were all ready to laugh at it, with that goofy title.) The plot, lean and mean with absolutely no fats or oils that add calories, still works its charms after all these years.

The Last Man on Earth and The Omega Man
Two adaptations of Richard Matheson’s “I Am Legend,” the first with Vincent Price, the second with Charlton Heston. "Omega" is nutty. "The Last Man" approaches zombie gold.

The Day the World Ended
Roger Corman quickie about, uh, let’s see, what is it about… oh yeah, the end of the world! Black and white, cheesy sets, bad acting… DC’s Channel 20 used to show this all the time, after which you always felt... somehow… dirty…

Panic in the Year Zero
Ray Milland directed this, about… oh you know. A family escapes Los Angeles just as the Bright White Flash takes over. Depressing but a smidgen of hope at the end.

and

Chant Sous la Pluie
Another bomb drops in Los Angeles, and the fallout is, well, interesting. In “Jericho” everybody stayed out of the possibly-irradiated rain. In this movie, the main character demands: “Bring It On!”