I Am Jack's Disappointment

I watched Fight Club (again) last night - and this quote stood out, for me, at this mid-life reassessment time in my life:

"We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

So, yeah, I understand a bit where Tyler Durden's coming from. Although I don't believe in taking the film literally - I have no desire to fight anyone, much less support anarchy. The flick is some sort of great movie, but not a manifesto for modern living. Although Making soap sounds kind of fun.

For a more conventional view that mirrors the quote above, and my current state, check out this post from Life Two - The Midlife Resource. I've pulled the following quote that helps drive the point home:

"...one of the great challenges of surviving the midlife transition derives from the sense of profound disappointment that comes when you realize that most of the assumptions that you had about 'success' in your early adult years were bogus. We joke about the portrait of life that we were fed from such 1950's and 1960's TV shows like "Leave it to Beaver" and "Father Knows Best". It's a picture of life that even now we're digesting with 20/20 hindsight in such period dramas as TV's "Mad Men". We were somehow brought up to believe that, when we retired, life would, at least, be quieter. Also, it would be better if we worked hard and saved up wisely for our 'Golden Years.' Many people still go into middle age believing that, even though slowing down will be inevitable, at least we have some peace and quiet to look forward to."

I Have Too Much Stuff

And maybe this will help: Five classic clutter-busting strategies from Unclutterer.

Most of my stuff I never use. Clothes, books, papers, photos, kitchen equipment, vinyl records. I'm saving some of it because it contains my history. There's a set of books signed by authors that I won't give up. And I'm lazy. But lately I've felt this need to declutter and get rid of stuff, to almost "go minimal." Should I go all out and empty my closets, sell what others might want, and trash the rest? Do I toss old yearbooks into the garbage, and follow them with box after box of pictures?

Malcolm Gladwell May Have Saved My Sanity

Mr. Gladwell's fascinating article about prodigies vs. all the rest of us (Late Bloomers - Why do we equate genius with precocity? in the October 10 New Yorker) made me feel a whole lot better about myself as a writer - or whatever it is I am. I'm certainly NOT a prodigy, and I'm not yet sure if I'm a "late bloomer." My great grandfather was a late bloomer, as noted in a New Yorker "talk story" from 1939. I'm not 75... yet... so perhaps there's hope.

Excerpts from Mr. Gladwell's article that really hit home:

The freshness, exuberance, and energy of youth did little for Cézanne. He was a late bloomer—and for some reason in our accounting of genius and creativity we have forgotten to make sense of the Cézannes of the world.

...late bloomers bloom late because they simply aren’t much good until late in their careers.

On the road to great achievement, the late bloomer will resemble a failure: while the late bloomer is revising and despairing and changing course and slashing canvases to ribbons after months or years, what he or she produces will look like the kind of thing produced by the artist who will never bloom at all.

Prodigies are easy. They advertise their genius from the get-go. Late bloomers are hard. They require forbearance and blind faith.

Whenever we find a late bloomer, we can’t but wonder how many others like him or her we have thwarted because we prematurely judged their talents. But we also have to acccept that there’s nothing we can do about it. How can we ever know which of the failures will end up blooming?
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Odd coincidence: Art News, in a quote I've ransacked my files looking for (and have not yet located), called O.A. Renne the American Cézanne.

There's Nothing Like A Nice, Extended Mid-Life Crisis

"I had to find out where I went wrong. The years I've spent trying to get all the things I was told were important. That I was told to want. Things, not people or meaning, just things."
Rock Hudson, Seconds

I've been lying fallow for close to a year now, and I'm beginning to understand why. The popular term is "mid-life crisis" although I prefer the bland, non-melodramatic sounding "mid-life re-assessment." However, it's not bland to live through. I've been solidly parked in creative paralysis, spurred by the ongoing question "why bother continuing to write, when I still haven't made any money from it?" And there's been part of me, way down deep inside, that has .been reacting to this time in my life quite like the character Arthur Hamilton (played by Rock Hudson) reacts here, in the closing scenes from the ultra-disturbing Seconds. In the film, the 51-year- old Hamilton, a deeply bored businessman, is offered an extreme makeover - not only will he physically change, but "The Company" will set him up with a new life, kind of like the witness-protection program on steroids. Your death is faked, your psyche is probed so your dreams can be fulfilled, and you'll be happy.

Except it doesn't work for our hero. Here, Hamilton (now named "Wilson") has returned to The Company (Yup, that's Grandpa Walton, playing the founder) to get a new identity, after he failed to find self-actualization in Malibu. He's promised a chance to move onto the "next stage." But that promise comes with a horrifying price - and he tries everything in his power to avoid payment.

Reunion Generation

I belong to a generation of people who lived their lives going from one social sphere to another. Through the levels of education - elementary, junior high (now called middle school), high school proper, college, then grad school for some. In amongst those social milieus, there were others - various clubs, organizations, sports groups, etc. We moved in a progression through school, and in and out of activities, all the time meeting new people and making new friends. While we would carry some friends onward, and turn some aquaintences into friends, our steady march through school meant that we would have to lose touch with some people as we changed locations. Sure, some of those people stayed in our spheres, but the vast majority did not. It was a badge of maturity to leave high school and everyone you knew and loved and go to college somewhere else. Sure it was scary, but necessary - necessary for growth, we thought. If someone held on too tightly to the past - if they insisted on going to every high school football game once they started college - we saw them as somewhat flawed. It was imperative that we move forward, and a big part of that movement meant separating from one social circle and creating a new, often more diverse group around us.

Still, it wasn't like we wouldn't see our old old friends ever again. That was what reunions were for. Coming back to that homecoming game. Running into one of your best buddies at the mall. Keeping touch through holiday cards. And looking forward to the pinnacle event of them all - the organized reunion. We kept in touch with the major changes, high points and low points of our best friends through these tools. While we knew about computers, none of us had one. The PC didn't exist. Our biggest technical challenge was learning to type on an IBM Selectric. There was no Internet helping our communications fly at the speed of light.

There is a generally-used name for my generation - Baby Boomers (Boomers for short.) We define ourselves by our forward motion, by how many new people we can meet, become intimate with, pull into our ideas, or impress. We always look forward, to the next group of people, consigning those times we look back to those officially-sanctioned reunions.

Take a look at this great post by Seth Godin, which got me thinking about the Reunion Generation. In Facebook's generational challenge, Seth talks about how he's not used to using Facebook the way younger generations use it. He relates a small tale about a college student he knows who was able to contact tons of people in her upcoming class, so that everyone knew everybody before they set foot on campus.

This is, to me, related to information I've read about how the "younger generations" continue to be involved in their friends' lives through My Space, Facebook, and social media on the Web.

They build on their circle of friends as they go along. No need to move on to the next social circle, when you can keep everyone abreast of your life - and they, you - on a daily basis through online networks. I'm guessing that they don't see this continual contact as a negative thing, the way we in the Reunion Generation might. Their definitions of maturity don't involved sailing away from one shore and losing contact with the island altogether in search of the next beach.

Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow. Rrrrrright.

How many times have we heard or read this slogan? How many of us have done what we love, and we're still waiting for the money?

I've pursued a number of passions, and had some great experiences doing so. But the financial return on my investment in each case has not just been nil, but negative.

If we are to believe the "Do What You Love" phrase, then merely practicing a hobby should naturally fill up our bank accounts.

The truth, however, is far different.

For me, the money's always followed when I've done something I didn't particularly love.

However, I find tons of subjects interesting. But "Love?" That's asking quite a lot.

It's time to nuke this advice and and show it for the sentimental platitude it really is! I prefer to revise the phrase into "Do something you find interesting that also offers a salary or other cash renumeration and the money will follow."

While you make up your own newer, more accurate version, consider the potential dangers of "Doing What You Love," as described in Beware of Turning Hobbies into Jobs at Gaping Void.

And for a very effective dismantling of a similarly erroneous aphorism, check out I keep reading the argument that “Money can’t buy happiness.” It’s not that simple! at The Happiness Project.

My Top 20 Tactics for Taming Terrible TV Addiction Madness

I basically made one New Year's Resolution last week: to work on my TV addiction. It's been with me for a long, long time, from my early days when I rushed home from school to watch Dark Shadows, through my higher education years (majoring in Television and Communications - what else?) I've realized I need to do something to curb my nightly channel surfing activities, but I wasn't having much luck in figuring out exactly what to replace the tube with until I fell upon The 9 Step Television Diet (at Think Simple Now, by way of The Happiness Project.)

Tina's list of television's evil effects hit home for me, and her options for battling this particular monkey are simple and achievable. They also encouraged me to come up with my own list of Things To Do Instead of Watching TV and Ways To Battle the Madness. They are:

1. Turn the TV on later in the evening. (I got used to this when I was working at home all last summer and fall.)
2. Cultivate the ability to turn things off. (I turn off the stove after using it - think of the TV as the stove.)
3. Increase my stamina. (This helps with number 15, below.)
4. Replace with working out, a class, a hobby
5. Move to someplace more active all year round
6. Turn on the radio - methadone for TV addicts
7. Call people on the phone
8. Take the laptop to a coffee shop
9. Turn the set on, but turn off the sound
10. Figure out other relaxation methods
11. Go to bed earlier. (This will allow me to Get up earlier.)
12. Move the Tube - to a less central and accessible location.
13. Get rid of cable. (This one's tough, unless I really start thinking about what I can buy with the money I've saved after 6 months - which amounts to a weekend trip to the beach!)
14. Stay longer at work.
15. Move my gym workouts to the evening.
16. Do home improvements
17. Plan out tomorrow or next week (lunches, dinners, work plan, workouts)
18. Allow for some (few) days when I will watch TV the way I used to. (During blizzards. And cold torrential downpours. When I'm sick. Or after a particularly stressful week or month.)
19. Freelance! (Make extra money!)
20. Blog.

(I would put "reading" as number 21, but for me, reading can become an addiction too. So while I definitely think it's better than watching "The Biggest Loser," I also consider it the methadone of TV addiction cures.)

Why You Might Change Your Passions and/or Dreams in Mid-Life

I used to be all about performing. Onstage, in concerts. Watching others tackle my original work. Paying big bucks to see the masters at work. I've sung in Carnegie Hall and on CBS for the Kennedy Center Honors. I've watched as television actors made my words their own and gave life to my characters in Los Angeles. I've witnessed firsthand some of the most legendary performers of the 20th century.

So why isn't it all that important for me to work in the performing arts anymore? I have my reasons, which I'll list below. Perhaps you'll recognize some of them yourself, if you're challenged by a major shift in your goals.

But first, check out what Hugh Mcleod has to say about this phenomenon, in his post Allow Your Work To Age With You at Gaping Void.

Hugh advocates quitting and moving on. I'm analyzing the possible reasons why one would quit that support Hugh's take on the subject. The reasons?

Those things are no longer fun.
Pursuing them makes no business sense - too much money expended for less and less returns.
Quitting allows for investigating other options and opportunities.
You've found something better.
It was never about [fill in the blank], and you've had enough of what it's about.
You've lost faith in the issue/idea/area.
You've lost respect for the issue/idea/area.
You've fulfilled your dream and don't need to go further.
The money didn't follow.
You feel there are too many sacrifices you continue to have to make.
It was someone else's dream in the first place.
It was more about proving something about yourself than a love for it (the issue, idea or area.)
You're much more enamored of part of the dream than the whole thing.
You've found easier/cheaper/better ways of working at your dream.
You ran out of ideas.
You've decided the amount of work you have to do isn't worth it in the long run.
It really is too hard to pull off.

I used to dream about making movies. Now I dream about travel, following the sun, being outdoors, athletic activity.

But it is strange to say goodbye to a passion that's taken up so much time and energy. But it needs to happen, since the passion is just not there anymore.

How To Eat Healthier and Enjoy It in 2008
The long national nightmare known as The Holidays are now officially over, and 2008 has just begun. Time to throw away all the leftover gift chocolate, seal up the liquor bottles, and resign ourselves to Healthy Eating Madness. I know I can improve the quality of my food intake - my only problem is getting out of the chicken breast, broccoli and sweet potato rut. I searched a number of fitness sites, lifehack and diet blogs to come up with the following lists of healthy foods that might just help me introduce more variety into the potentially bland:

The 10 Best Foods You Aren't Eating - from Men's Health
Beets
Cabbage
Guava
Swiss chard
Cinnamon
Purslane
Pomegranate juice
Goji berries
Dried plums
Pumpkin seeds
Plus these extras:
Salmon
Beans
Blueberries
Quinoa
Walnuts/Almonds
Spinach
Artichokes
Tomatoes

The Top 5 Brain Health Foods - from Brain Ready
Wild Salmon
Cacao Beans
Matcha (Tencha-grade green tea powder)
Acai berries & Blueberries
Coffee beans

Top Ten Rejuvenating and Anti-ageing Foods - from Lifehack
Avocado
Berries
Green vegetables
Garlic
Ginger
Nuts
Yogurt
Whole wheat pasta and brown rice
Melons
Water

10 BEST FOODS/Super Foods for Better Health - from CSPI
Sweet Potatoes
Grape Tomatoes
Fat-Free or 1 % Milk
Broccoli
Wild Salmon
Crispbreads
Brown Rice
Citrus Fruit
Diced Butternut Squash
Spinach or Kale

The 29 Healthiest Foods on the Planet - from BellyBytes.com
Apricots
Avocados
Raspberries
Cantaloupe
Cranberry Juice
Tomato
Raisins
Figs
Lemons/Limes
Onions
Artichokes
Ginger
Broccoli
Spinach
Bok Choy (Chinese cabbage)
Squash (Butternut, Pumpkin, Acorn)
Watercress and Arugula
Garlic
Quinoa
Wheat Germ
Lentils
Peanuts
Pinto Beans
yogurt 25.
Skim Milk
Shellfish (Clams, Mussels)
Salmon
Crab

10 Super Foods for Better Health - from Dumb Little Man
Berries
CitrusVegetables
Whole Grains
Salmon
LegumesNuts and Seeds
Lean Protein
Olive Oil
Tea

Kick Start Your Day With These 11 Mood-Lifting Foods - from The Ririan Project
MILK
CHOCOLATE
WHOLE-GRAIN RICE OR PASTA
MACKEREL
BROCCOLI
COFFEE
TURKEY
LIVER
BLUEBERRIES
BRAZIL NUTS

10 Great Foods to Melt Away Those Pounds - from Diethack
Grapefruit
Chilies
Black Beans
Applea
Celery
Strawberries
Mackerel
Cottage Cheese
Low-Fat Milk
Lettuce

5 Power Foods to Live Longer - from Diethack
Spinach
Tofu
Blueberry
Avocado
Garlic

Foods That Burn Fat/The Top 10 Lists - from Burn the Fat Blog

Starchy Carbohydrates and Grains:
1. Oatmeal (old fashioned)
2. Yams (almost same as sweet potatoes)
3. Brown rice (love basmati, a long grain aromatic rice)
4. Sweet potatoes
5. Multi grain hot cereal (mix or barley, oats, rye titricale and a few others)
6. White potatoes (glycemic index be damned!)
7. 100% whole wheat bread
8. 100% whole wheat pasta
9. Beans (great for healthy chili recipes)
10. Cream of rice hot cereal

Vegetables:
1. Broccoli
2. Asparagus
3. Spinach
4. Salad greens
5. Tomatoes
6. Peppers (green and red)
7. Onions
8. Mushrooms
9. Cucumbers
10. Zucchini

Proteins:
1. Egg whites
2. Whey protein (protein powder supplement)
3. Chicken Breast
4. Salmon (wild alaskan)
5. Turkey Breast
6. Top round steak (grass fed beef)
7. Flank Steak (grass fed beef)
8. Cod Fish
9. Bison/Buffalo
10. Rainbow Trout

Fruits:
1. Grapefruit
2. Apples
3. Blueberries
4. Canteloupe
5. Oranges
6. Bananas
7. Peaches
8. Grapes
9. Strawberries
10. Pineapple

A Visual Guide to 15 Healthy Snacks - from Diet Blog
Raw Almonds
Raw Mixed Nuts
Dried Fruit
Mandarin
Apple
Banana
Grapes
Tuna
Dried Peas
Popcorn
Baby Carrots
Celery & Hummus
Cherry Tomatoes
Whole-grain Crispbread with Cottage Cheese
Bean Salad

Do Winners (sometimes) Quit?
Advice we've heard all our lives may be hazardous to our health.

Persistence is the keyword in life. From an early age onward, we're taught to keep at it, whatever the task, and not be swayed into nonaction by a little bit of failure. One of the first questions we're asked as children is "what do you want to be when you grow up?" The question turns into "what's your passion" once we get into our first job after college (when we're probably so far away from our passion that we just don't know it.) We're advised to Pursue Your Dream and Follow Your Bliss, and ignore the naysayers who counsel us "you probably won't succeed writing one act plays in Minnesota."

We're instructed to soldier on, whatever the cost.

As reported in Quitting Can Be Good for You (part of The New York Times Magazine's "7th Annual Year in Ideas" issue), researchers "found that teenage girls who are unable to disengage themselves from trying to attain hard-to-reach goals exhibited increased levels of the inflammatory molecule C-reactive protein (C.R.P.), which in adults is linked with diabetes, heart disease and early aging."

Now whether or not these findings are observable in the population at large is not known. But it tells me that my decisions to give up highly frustrating, little- chance-of-success goals may be a good thing. Even if it goes against everything I've been taught.

I do know that quitting a couple of projects I've spent a number of years on has opened up brainpower and time for me to pursue other goals.

Top 23 Motivation Tips, Tricks and Tactics from the Blogosphere

Stuck in a rut? Can't get going? Moving backward instead of forward? The blogosphere has just the solution for you. "Personal Hack" blogs list all kinds of tips to kickstart our flagging motivation. But I've been wondering - how much of this information is repeated? Not that there's anything wrong with that - sometimes I need to read something a bunch of times before it sinks in.

Inspired by LiteMind's Lists Group Writing Project, I downloaded motivation tactics from 11 blogs (searched through Google and Technorati), then tried to sort them according to some overall headings I created just to answer my question. And I found a combination of repeated tips and original tricks. It's all below - the headings I created, the number next to the title which tells you how many tactics in all there were for each specific heading, and after the list, the blogs themselves:

TAKE A BREAK AND DO SOMETHING ELSE - 14 Tactics
Interesting that the most cited tactic is to get away from work and listen to music, do something physical, or just sit with your eyes closed for a few minutes. But it makes a whole lot of sense, especially if you're a "nose-to-the-grindstone" type of person.

FACE UP TO REALITY - 12
The "hard work ethic" phrases we've heard all our lives, including: life is tough, work through the difficult, be patient, stop thinking - just do, stick with it, remember there'll be ups and downs. They work, unless you make a steady diet of them.

FIND AND USE VISUAL OR OUTSIDE MOTIVATORS - 12
I found two categories of tips under this heading: objects you gather which trigger your enthusiasm, and ideas (both conventional, like recognition and power, or "doing it for someone you love.").

CLEAR AWAY DISTRACTIONS AND FOCUS - 12
Eliminate the non-essential and focus on your mission, vision, and goals.

GET SOME HELP - 11
Because you can't do it all alone, "get a coach, take a class, join a group, get a workout/goal buddy, find others working hard, or create a friendly competition"

START AND FOCUS ON THE SMALL AND SIMPLE - 11
Concentrate not on the huge amount of work you have to do, but on the next, small simple step, and build from there.

MAXIMIZE YOUR CREATIVITY AND DO WHAT MOVITATES YOU - 11
Why spend all your time on the awful, painful tasks? Find what you like doing, the stuff that fires you up, builds from your creativity, and do that for awhile.

BE POSITIVE - 9
Nuke negativity.

SET GOALS - 7
One goal, long term goals, a major goal, unrealistic goals, or no goals at all.

DEVELOP A PLAN - 6
Timelines, deadlines, bite-sized chunks - create a road map that will keep you on course and make sure you don't spend all your energy right of the starting gate.

BUILD (AND KEEP BUILDING) YOUR KNOWLEDGE - 5
Read, learn, listen, investigate, and educate yourself self - all on an ongoing basis.

KEEP TRACK OF YOUR PROGRESS - 5
Track, chart, follow, evaluate progress and journal it daily, so you'll know how far you've come and how far you have to go.

INSPIRATION - 5
Seek internal stimulation.

ANALYZE YOUR DIFFICULTIES - 5
Reframe problems, deconstruct your fears, keep notes on when your motivation sucks, know when you urge yourself to quit so you can fight back.

CHANGE THE WAY YOU DO THINGS - 4
Kill repetition and introduce variety into your tasks.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE HAVING SIMILAR INTERESTS - 4
Look for reinforcers of positive thoughts and feelings, good company, positive friends, passionate people of similar interests.

HELP OTHERS - 4
Share, encourage, help and be of service to other people.

REWARD YOURSELF - 3
Often, after completing a task.

MAKE AN OUTWARD COMMITMENT - 3
Post your goal, commit publicly, make it big and fully commit.

BEGIN THE DAY - 3
Start with a To Do list to kickstart your day.

GO BACK TO SQUARE ONE - 3
Ask yourself "why am I doing this in the first place," find powerful reasons why and write them down.

DON'T STOP - KEEP GOING - 2
It's all about building and maintaining momentum.

GET THE RIGHT TOOLS - 2
Don't use a saw to hammer a nail.
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Thanks to the following blogs for writing the posts I was able to analyze for this list:

Lifehack -
8 steps to continuous self-motivation
How to enjoy what you are doing no matter what
Thirteen tricks to motivate yourself
11 ways to motivate yourself to complete any task in the new year

A List Apart
Staying Motivated

Daily PlanIt
What's the Motivation?

MotivationTools.com
Seven Rules of Motivation

ZenHabits
Top 20 Motivation Hacks
Get Off Your Butt - 16 Ways To Get Motivated When You're In a Slump

Made for Success
Finding Motivation: What To Do When You Don't Feel Like Doing Anything

Dumb Little Man
5 Simple Steps to Stop Procrastination Today

Freelance Switch
Staying Motivated Without a Boss

Ririan Project
Why you lose your focus and what to do about it

Lifehacker
Ten Ways to Defeat Brain Drain

Ian's Messy Desk
8 mental steps to self-motivation