Post-Cluetrain Rant

I finished reading The Cluetrain Manifesto yesterday. It's close to a decade now since it was first written, and I think it still has tons to say about our current and future online and face-to-face communications.

I caused me, also, to go on a rant. Here are my 12 theses in the spirit of Cluetrain's 95. Some of them carry explanations, while others sit there enigmatically. But I'd be please to explain my thinking to anyone who wants to start a conversation! And I will most likely expand on some of them in the days ahead:

Fluorescent lighting has to be the worst lighting in the world, and shouldn't be used anywhere except in hospitals and maybe restaurant kitchens.

CEOs of store chains: Look at your stores. Look at them!!!!

Do customers want to get in and out of stores quickly because they've got something else to do, or because the store's environment sucks?

CEOs of store chains: Look at your employees. Look at them!!!!

Everything, and I mean everything, speaks.

Retail, organization, and government leadership: Why aren't you worried about your the health of your employees and their families?

We have too much stuff. There are people in this country that can't get out of bed because they are so overweight. We have reformulated our plastic trash bags to stretch because we have too much trash to throw away.

Commerce: Surprise me. But not as I'm about to leave the store. And not as I'm walking in. Start with my "snail" mail box.

How dare you tell me I'm not worthy. How dare you.

Whatever you're doing, you're probably beating your head against a brick wall. You can stop. Now.

There's no excuse for dismal government office environments at any scale.

Nobody in the U.S. is more than an hour away from a better, more tranquil, more beautiful environment.

Not Just Small, But Tiny

A few days ago I mentioned I haven't gone to the gym for two months. Last night, something dawned on me. No, it wasn't the possibility that I'll turn into a pile of mush if I continue to avoid exercise. What struck me was the fact that my gym doesn't seem to care.

No one working there takes a look at the membership roster to see if any members have been chronically absent. Or if they do, they file the info somewhere in the back of their mind, and take no action.

It's not that I require attention from my gym in order to go back. But I think they're missing an opportunity to market their members. With today's connectivity and the easy use of their database, my gym could send me an email asking about my well-being. We're talking a few minutes of somebody's time here, time that could be used to foster a connection.

If you think about it for a few minutes, you'll find that there are just a few reasons why gym members might miss a month or two of workouts. It could be:

Work demanding more time;
Injury or illness laying a member up;
A job change forcing the member to a new location;
Loss of interest in exercise or that particular gym.

Whatever the reason, my gym is missing out on an opportunity to engage me more fully as a member. Of course, the real reason gyms don't consider this an opportunity because they can't see a direct line from their email message to money in their pocket.

As traditional "mass media" ways of thinking are undercut and forced to evolve through our massive online connectivity options, businesses are being called on the carpet because they continue to think BIG. I see my gym's opportunity, noted above, as a way of acting tiny, rather parallel to the thinking I read this morning in an interesting post at Brand Autopsy titled How Tiffany Saved Michael’s Life. Thanks to John Moore for helping me frame my thinking in this way.

For my gym, and many others, marketing these days really reduces down to small, miniscule, seemingly-unimportant actions that could combine to create huge results.

How Many Marketers Does It Take To...

A movie crew is filming a commercial on my block today. They've got the street blocked off, and although today's a bright, blue-sky kind of day in DC, they've also got fill lights and giant reflectors aimed on the actors. It's a familiar sight to anyone who's ever stumbled upon this kind of setup. But what struck me today as I walked past, was how many people it took just to film an SUV parallel parking in front of a restaurant!

There had to be about 15 crew members (including directors, etc.) wearing headsets, focused on video screens, and holding those puffy boom mics. All for a car.

As I walked past, I heard the director (I'm guessing who that was) say "OK, cue the background!" What he meant were the actors, the performers sitting at the cafe tables. Subservient to the car. Add another 9 people involved in the whole setup.

But I can't forget the crowd of people who stopped and watched. When I found out there wasn't a celebrity involved, I really wondered why anyone would take time out of their day just to watch a camera crew setup a shot over, and over, and over again.

P.S. Hank's Oyster Bar at 17th and Q was the restaurant. I thought it was odd that their Web site hasn't got a single picture of the establishment. Evidently, it's picturesque enough for a boring car commercial, but not enough for the proprietor's site!

11 Tips on How To Meet the Famous (and/or the Very Well-Known)

Chris Brogan has been discussing how he works with a large crowd of people who want to meet him. And he's also come up with a bunch of tips and tricks to help us all when we meet the famous, or Very Well Known (VWKs). It's fascinating to me that, even in this democratized world of blogging and social networking, our "celebritendency" takes over, and no matter what group we're involved with, we feel the need to hoist up a few members into a rarified realm.

Still, it's exciting to meet someone you only know from "mass" and/or "social" media. I've met quite a large number of celebrities, and I've had VWKs involved in some of my endeavors. The following are tips I have used - they work for me (which means I haven't caused any incidents or made a total fool of myself during any encounters.)

1. Get clear in your mind your exact purpose in meeting the VWK.
If it's to shake their hand, tell them how much you like something that's tied into him or her, and get a picture of the two of you, then full steam ahead. You'll probably be successful - I have been in the past. If it's to have a big conversation, get seated at their dinner table, sell them something, or suddenly become their best buddy in the world, it's probably better if you don't approach.

2. Wait your turn.
There will probably be a small crowd around the celeb. Don't barge in. It's ok to wait in line.

3. Realize that you're going to get maybe 30 seconds with the person, and be satisfied with that.
If you've got an idea that you think the celeb will love, don't pitch it there. Work through the people coordinating the event. They can hook you up with that well-known person's staff or assistants.

4. Watch their body language while you're chatting - especially their eyes.
I've notice that people "in the public eye" use a subtle method of moving the crowd that wants to meet them. As they finish chatting with you, their eyes will land on the next person. Don't take this as an insult. Think about how you would act (probably the same) if you had 200 people waiting in line to see you!

5. Have a closing line ready to avoid awkwardness.
The celeb might be tired, and stop talking after answering your question. If you don't have anything to say at that point, it can be disconcerting to stand there with nothing to say, as the crickets chirp in the background. This is a great point to say "You've been so nice, I'm glad to have met you. So long!" and then move off.

6. It's ok to extend your hand first for a handshake.
By all means extend your hand. With a smile. It shows confidence, and allows you to control the encounter (see above).

7. It's not ok to grab that person.
Do not grab. I repeat. Do not grab. I have never done so, and it's amazing that I have to mention this. But it does happen. If you grab you'll be viewed as a psycho, and you might be wrestled to the ground by large assistants. Or worse - that VWK may ask you to leave them alone!

8. Avoid (at all costs) trying to get their attention by calling out their name, loudly.
They are trained not to respond. And if they do respond, think: is that how you want to be remembered? By yelling their name?

9. Keep the encounter short.
Just as it's not ok to stand in Costco and snarf up all the samples, it's not ok to monopolize a celeb's time. Especially if there are people waiting behind you.

10. Try not to blubber.
Compose yourself beforehand, if you feel you're going to get too excited during the actual meeting. However, if you find yourself tongue-tied, and mess up what you say, and stammer a bit, try not to get upset. It might come across as endearing. If you can laugh at yourself, the celeb might just laugh along with you. After all, you probably won't be the first person who's gone all idiotic during the encounter. (Earlier this year, I experienced brain freeze when I was introduced to Isaac Hayes. We both survived the encounter quite well.)

11. Meet other people.
That's what you're there for, isn't it? And everyone's got a story. Somebody might even be able to partner with you. Remember that, first and foremost.
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That's Charo who's got me in a headlock. She's quite delightful!

5 Reasons Why I Have Been Avoiding The Gym

I haven't gone to my gym since the end of July. Although the membership fee is burning a hole in my wallet, I'm sure I'll return soon. There are some very specific reasons why I've been staying away:

My new part-time status at work has forced me to change my entire daily schedule has changed, and I'm now working out exactly where to slot the workouts.

I'm spending a large chunk of time gearing up for my next money-making venture, which eats into day.

I worked out like a maniac last year, with personal trainers pushing me further than I've ever gone before. I continued this year, on my own, and I feel I needed some time off. I want to do personal training again, but that costs $$$.

I have no special events in the immediate future that require me to be overly concerned with how I look (although you could say that now is the perfect time to be working out, when you're not under the gun of some deadline.)

This stretch of great weather here in DC has forced me outside, and I've been mainly riding my bike.

I've taken time off before, and I always go back. It's tough those first few workouts. But I know from my past experience that I'll get back into it. Too bad I can't put my membership payments on hiatus while I'm busy doing other things. But there's bad weather coming as late Fall and Winter approach, and then I'll have to go back.

Yes, I do feel some guilt. Maybe that's why I'm writing this post.

You Do Have People Working There, Don't You?

When I'm pulling up a "new-to-me" Web site, 90% of the time my 2nd click is either on "About Us" or "Contact Us." What I find on that page far to often is either an online form to fill out, or a generic email address.

What I want is: A list of staff and a physical, street, suite number, city state and zip address.

Why do sites continue to act as if they don't have staff? When I can't find people's names, it makes me think:

you're a fly-by-night group that doesn't exist;
you've got your people locked to their desks in the basement;
your employee turnover rate is close to 99%;
you're afraid that listing staff names will give them too much power;
you just don't care.

There's probably no real excuse not to have staff listed on an organization's Web site. Not anymore.

Tranquility Base

If I ever get an iPod (which may be never, but go with me on this), the first thing I'd do is download a bunch of classical music that I find not only tranquil, but is able to put me in a totally different physical location altogether. These snippets from suites and larger works engage my brain chemicals in such a way that I feel I'm on a beach in the middle of summer when it's actually February. In other words: Instant Vacation. I have many of these on CD, but I haven't checked to see if they're all available through classical music iPod download sites. They're pretty much all from the 20th century, with French and English composers filling the most spots for some reason. And they are:

Ralph Vaughan-Williams
“My Pretty Bess” from Five Tudor Portraits

Jean Sibelius
1st movement, Symphony #6

Maurice Ravel
"Menuet" from Le Tombeau de Couperin
Pavane pour une infante defunte
2nd Movement, Piano Concerto in G

Erik Satie
Gymnopédies

Malcolm Arnold
"Allegretto" from Four Scottish Dances

Gabriel Faure
"Sicilienne" from Pelleas et Mellisande
Pavane
"Pastorale" from Masques et Bergamasques

Percy Grainger
"Harkstow Grange" from Lincolnshire Posey

Aaron Copland
1st movement, Clarinet Concerto

Claude Debussy
Prelude a l'Apres-midi d'un faune
"Nuages" from Nocturnes
"En bateau" and "menuet" from Petite Suite

I sometimes wonder what other people hear in these selections...

Tips & Tricks
Daily Blog Tips posted all the entries in the Tips & Tricks Writing Project. My post is included under Health & Fitness ("Get the Body You Always Wanted"). Among all the great information, four entries stood out of the crowd for me. They are:

6 Tips to Generate Outstanding Ideas
Because I agree wholeheartedly!

Thirteen Tips to Help You Resume Your Health & Fitness Program if You Get Off Track
Because I have Gotten Off Track and I need to get back on!

Life Tips Learned from High School Musical
Because that movie has a couple of great production numbers which feature excellent personal development information!

Three Strategies for Surviving Your Short Stay in the Slammer
Because we might not follow those Life Tips from High School Musical!

Showing the Plug and Not the Cable

37 Signals wonders why we show the cable and not the plug. That is, why we focus on what we think we should show, instead of what the other person really needs for us to show. It's a fantastic post, pointing up a flaw of everyday communication, and it made me remember an example I experienced many years ago.

As a graduate assistant for a television production class, I was the one who shot the student video, as guided by the student director, and later stuck all the shots together, as guided by the student editor. These were short productions, less than 5 minutes in length. And most of them involved a character walking through a door.

In just about every shoot, the director wanted a closeup of the actor's hand turning the doorknob. This meant one more setup, and a separate lighting procedure, just to show the grabbing the doorknob, twisting it, and opening the door.

An extra setup, to show us something we do so often we don't even think about it. The extra time it took quickly ate into our short shooting and editing window.

I started advising the directors that they didn't need the closeup doorknob shot, unless the doorknob was covered with peanut butter or slime or wouldn't turn at all because the door was locked (which had to be a part of the script.)

The professor guiding us grad assistants told me to let the students make the mistake and find their errors on their own.

Anyway, the 37 Signals post reminded me of our tendency to show ALL the details in, well, an incredibly detailed fashion, even if those details are so well cemented in our minds that we can move right past them to the good stuff.

And I'm running a level-3 diagnostic on my brain to find out all the myriad times I've done the same thing.
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photo from Scott Fisher: Environmental Media Archives - it's the doorknob from Disney's "Alice in Wonderland," I believe.

13 Tips on How To Write A Screenplay

Even though I've stopped trying to write the Perfect Zombie Movie Screenplay (or any screenplay whatsoever), I'm pretty confident that there are many people out there who harbor the screenwriting dream. The cliche in Hollywood is that everyone drives around with a script in their back pocket. I tend to think that's close to the way it is across the country, if not around the world. For you Hinterland Screenwriters, like myself, the script isn't in your back pocket, it's up there in your head.

But getting it out fraught with dangers, procrastination being one of them. However, the sooner you start committing words to your laptop, the sooner you will feel dumb, foolish, immature, unstable, lonely, jittery, ridiculous, and bipolar. Like every other writer who's ever lived. Onward, then, to the 13 Tips:

1. Get clear on what stage your at. Are you a total neophyte beginner - the words haven't left your brain yet. Or are you further along - you complain so much to friends after you've seen a movie that they no longer invite you to drinks or dinner afterwards.

2. Realize right up front that you are doing Actual Work and you are Not Getting Paid.

3. Come up with a sellable idea. This is where the term "High Concept" comes in. How can you tell what's High Concept and what's not? Anything these days with Zombies is High Concept. Your coworkers foibles and the boredom of your job are not.

4. Create an awesome villain. And go for an extreme. Villains are either pure and simply people (think Hannibal Lector) or require makeup, costuming and special effects (think HAL, Darth and Sauron.) Even better: if the villain is on the same side as your hero!

5. Remove this thought from your brain and never let it escape your lips: "Somebody in Hollywood will be interested in this because it's in the news." Nothing could be further from the truth. And if Hollywood is interested, chances are they've got scripts already written. By the time you send your's in, the world has changed.

6. Study 3-Act Screenwriting Structure. After you've written your first draft. Nothing keeps a writer from completing a script or other piece of work like the "having to make it perfect the first time through" mindset.

7. Allow yourself to write crap for your first draft. Absolute crap. "So bad your five year old could do light-years better" crap. It's the only way. Sorry, but it is.

8. Resign yourself to actually writing. There is no market for ideas. Ideas attached to incredibly-well-executed scripts, however...

9. Make a list of all the movies you know that don't start with a bang. Then ignore this list, and start your screenplay with a bang.

10. Google "Screenwriting Mistakes" and Don't Make Them.

11. Write great dialogue. Stuff that sounds real, dilineates character, advances story, engages viewers, inspires actors, and is economical yet not at all terse. If you find you can't write dialogue, then listen to everyone who's around you. 24/7/365. Write down what they're saying. If you're not getting stares, angry looks, or outright threats to stop, you aren't doing it enough. If you still can't write great dialogue, find someone who can.

12. Fully believe that you can come up with a script that is better than most movies you've ever seen. Just about anyone can. The prevailing view among scriptreaders in Hollywood is that most scripts in their "To Be Read On Saturday Night" pile are awful. And they are, because they're trying to be like all the other scripts in Hollywood that actually go into production. So while anyone can write a better script, Hollywood is set up to always say "No." Which leaves the Hinterland Screenwriter between the horns, dilemma-wise.

13. Consider writing a play. You'll improve your dialogue craft immensely. Chances are you'll get a play produced easier, or you'll find actors who will do readings for you so you can hear how your writing plays out loud. And if you're really lucky, you'll see your work onstage, that will be enough, and you won't have to begin writing a screenplay because your dreams have been fulfilled.
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Why 13 Tips? Because writing a screenplay that actually gets optioned, sold or produced is 99% luck and 1% hard work, dedication, talent, craft, and passion. So I concede to bad luck right up front. You might think it's the other way around, 1% luck and all, but that's because you're seeing things from the hinterlands, where it can seem pretty roomy. It took me awhile to fully realize how the percentages shake out, so I don't fault anyone for their world view. There was no way I could understand it without some experience myself. The good thing is that it takes very little experience to facilitate dawn on your awareness. And yes, that picture's from Adaptation, a great movie to watch if you're wondering what writing is like.

10 Sure-Fire Procrastination Tactics

Let's face it: most of us are no good at procrastinating. We need that extra push from behind to get into procrastination's time-munching groove. We'd much rather re-caulk the bathtub, make those five extra sales calls, or revamp our resumes. But with a bit of practice, and the proper mindset, we can claim procrastination for ourselves, once-and-for-all. Here are some tips and tricks which I've collected from years of watching those around me fiddle their time away:

1. Play Tetris. For free. This game can go on forever, but since most of us fail at level three, we'll spend hours going back and forth from level one. You can tell people "it improves my hand-eye coordination," which is the excuse everyone uses.

2. Practice Six Degrees of Wikipediation. Begin by pulling up a big Wikipedia entry - something like "the Holy Roman Empire." Each time you reach a hyperlinked word, click on it and start reading the new page. If you're using Firefox, left click on the word, to keep it from opening a new tab. Try to avoid dead-ends, and see how far you've gone in an hour.

3. Check tomorrow's weather. Turn on The Weather Channel - just for a minute - just to see what tomorrow's going to be like. You'll turn off the TV right after. Promise.

4. Go for coffee. Or tea. Or french fries. At a cafe. Preferably one with lots of people walking by, where you're likely to run into someone you know.

5. Workout. This is a perfect activity, as it can double as Something That Is Good For You. And it always takes extra time to pack your gym bag, start up the car, drive to the gym, change your clothes, warm up, lift weights, take a couple minutes down time between each set, cool down, shower, dress, get into the car and drive back (home, preferably.)

6. Compile a list. It can be a list of just about anything. All the conferences you've been to - with the ones you've presented at in bold. Places you plan to visit. What you would do with a million dollars. All the things you need to fix in your condo or home. Jobs you'd rather be doing than the one your doing now. Ideas you have for screenplays (come on, you know you've got them.) Services you pay for that you really don't need (like Netflix.) Sometimes one of these lists can actually be useful.

7. Buy office supplies. Pens run out. Paperclips get lost. Staples get... stapled. Paper gets wadded up and tossed into the trash. Office supplies always need replenishing.

8. Order books. From Amazon. Topic: Managing Your Life. When they arrive, read them. Take notes on them. Stick the notes in a folder, then go to bed.

9. Google your name. Just to make sure your identity hasn't been stolen. You probably haven't done this is six months or so.

10. Read blogs. No explanation needed.

10 "Get The Body You've Always Wanted" Tips, Tricks and Motivators

It seems, no matter where you turn, we're obsessed with body size, exercise, and portion size. I'm obsessed as much as everyone else. So I came up with the following fitness tips and tricks to keep you motivated as winter (or at least fall) approaches. I use all ten myself, so they work (at least for me.) Feel free to add your own to the comments section! Just be sure to check with your physician if you've been a couch potato for too long and suddenly feel the urge to become Charles Atlas. Full disclosure: I find #3 the toughest to follow, unless it's combined with #1.

1. Invest in "Personal Buttkicking" (PBK)
Sign up for, but don't spend all your money on, PBK - my term for Personal Training. A trainer's expertise, motivational skill, personality and sense of humor will do wonders for your workout. Most trainers charge between $65-100 per 50-minute session, so it can get expensive. If you're strapped for funds, ask if you can contract for two sessions (I'll explain why in a minute.) Some gyms offer new members a couple of sessions gratis; if you're not new, watch for specials, or take the initiative and ask about discounts. Maximize your sessions by asking for diet and exercise tips for when you "go solo" again. Good trainers will provide you with simple meal and workout plans without being asked. Good trainers will also ask you about your goals. My reasoning for a minimum of two sessions? Trainers love clients who put everything they've got into their workout, and do it with a sense of humor. If you can muster a laugh when you think you're going to die, the trainer will remember you. Workout on your own when the trainer's with other clients and you'll feel like your in the classroom and the teacher is watching. I've had trainers volunteer tips and motivation for even after we've completed all our sessions. That's motivating!

2. Watch motivational/inspirational television shows
A steady diet of crime, murder, terrorism and political scandal on news shows, day and night soap operas, and Law & Order SVU (which I love) drains our energy. Content that's sarcastic, violent or features Brad Pitt feeds our inner critic and exposes us to hopeless scenarios. Try finding shows that feature people doing extraordinary things, that highlight creativity, and/or present others in a more positive light. "The Biggest Loser" is a good choice. "Wife Swap" is out of the question.

3. Replace your "cheat day" with a single "cheat item"
The trouble with "cheat day" - that all important 24 hours when you can eat whatever you want - is it expands too easily into "cheat 3-day." "I'll splurge on breakfast today," you rationalize, "lunch tomorrow, and dinner on Monday. I'll eat healthy the rest of the week. "Cheat meal" can go the same way, too, if you eat donuts in the morning, bacon at lunch and, what the heck, a cheesburger, fries and diet coke at dinner. I suggest focusing instead on a once-per-week cheat ITEM. For example, ice cream. Limit yourself to a pint, which forces portion control. Only buy one pint each week, close to the time you're actually going to consume it. Choose the "healthiest" brand you can find. You don't have to jettison taste - there's lots of great low-fat, low-cal, or light ice cream and sorbet out there. Take it home, give it your full attention, and eat it slooooooooooow, because that's all you get until next week. Your goal is to stop confusing your taste buds and acclimate yourself to enjoy healthier food.

4. Take stock and push ahead of the curve
I took this from my "Happiness Commandments." Basically, it's about training your mind to deal with workout pain. There are times I'm riding my bike or lifting weights at the gym when the miles or the pounds get ahead of me. I feel like something needs to pull me along, instead of pushing me from behind. At these times, I take stock of my body, asking myself "am I going to have a heart attack? A stroke? What hurts? My butt?" When I find I'm not doing too badly, and when I let my legs or arms or whatever hurt, I can compartmentalize the feeling, and keep it from taking over my entire body. And if I'm not going to have a heart attack, then I can push myself harder.

5. Sign up for a 5K
You've got to have a goal to work for - and in most cases, merely stating your desire to lose weight or build muscle isn't going to satisfy you in the long run. Have an actual event to work toward. Running your first 5K, bicycling in a charity ride, even going on a cruise or attending your high school reunion are good events to consider. Get your goal outside yourself, and you'll achieve what you need inside yourself.

6. Ask for a spot
If you're new to this whole gym thing, you could find it daunting. You might flash back momentarily to gym class in school. There's a big difference now, though. People might look focused and mean in a gym, but they're really just focused. Ask someone to spot you for a set of bench presses. You'll find that most gym denizens are happy to help out once in a while. You might even find a workout partner.

7. Find a gym as close to work or home as possible.
This is the old "location, location, location" thing. But it's especially true for gyms. Ideally, a gym should be walking distance from home or the office. If not, then try to locate one on your route from home to the office. If you don't have to go out of your way, you're more likely to get that workout in, even if you're tired and hungry and hate your life.

8. Watch out for endorphins*
Not so you can avoid the little buggers, but so you can realize when they kick in. Endorphins are chemicals your body releases, usually after some stress, which make you feel good. You may have heard the term "runner's high." That's a result of endorphins. After a stressful physical workout, your body dispatches these chemicals as a way of smoothing over the pain. It usually happens to me after a long bike ride. Watch for a general rise in your energy level an hour or so after your workout. Some people feel lighter, others more focused. Learn to recognize these feelings. If you find a way to bottle them, you'll make a fortune.
˙ǝpıɯɐpuɐuɐ pıouıqɐuuɐɔopuǝ ǝɥʇ ʎllɐǝɹ s,ʇı os 'ʇɥƃıɹllɐ*

9. Schedule your workout during your daily "transition times"
I have three daily "transition times," when my body forces me to get up and move: immediately after waking up (6:30am), lunch (12 noon), and the "late afternoon stretch" (5pm). My brain is no good at these times - but my body's jockeying at the gate. Pay attention to what your brain and body tell you during the day, especially those times your brain acts like a two-year-old and yells "I want to play!!!!" Then let it!

10. Buy something you almost can't fit into - but want to one day
Something tight, form fitting, and from the athletic store will do fine. Buy it even if it shows all your folds and bulges. You might even think the shirt or workout pants accentuate your love handles, etc. That's fine! You want it to! Then it will be easier to see your progress a few weeks down the road when the lycra doesn't have to strain so much.
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This post was inspired by the Tips and Tricks blog writing contest announced yesterday at Daily Blog Tips. Thanks for the opportunity to enter!

The Best Month In Which To Change Your Life

September. That's the best month to make those massive changes in our lives, the ones we think about on Monday morning as we're getting ready to go to work.

On New Year's Eve we come up with resolutions. But most of them revolve around food, drink and spending. And everyone knows "resolution" is just a euphemism for "wishful thinking."

Why's September the best month to affect those changes? A number of reasons:

1. August is one sloooooow month. Everything closes down, it seems. But everything else starts up in September. People start looking around in September, because they know everyone's back from vacation. People are easier to reach - even in this age of 24/7/365 availability.

2. You've probably taken a vacation in June, July or August, in which your brain had a chance to rest, regroup, tell you it's not satisfied, and come up with ideas to increase its future happiness.

3. We're hard wired from 12 years of schooling (more if you went to college) and we still get this "beginning again" feeling when the "back to school" ads start to appear.

4. Admit it - those back to school supplies (pens, paper, notebooks, etc.) you're buying for your kids - they reach down inside you and extract feelings of change much better than stupid hats on New Year's Eve. Just take a whiff inside a Staples or Office Depot. See what I mean?

5. For those of us in the (in)temperate zones, summer's dying. It's holding on, losing its grip, just like your old life. Remember back to May or June - didn't everything seem fresher and newer back then, just a couple of short months ago? And now how does it feel? Kind of like your job or your life. Used. On the brink. Ready to fall off the cliff. OK, so I'm stretching the analogies. But I'm sure you get what I mean.

6. Winter starts beckoning. Or threatening. What better time to begin solid activity to change your life? There's still sunlight in the evenings, but there's an urgency now, as we can see it slowly slipping away. You really don't want to get the heavier clothes out. But we're going to have to. And you really don't want to continue your life in the way you're doing now. And you don't have to.

So change in September. Start a plan this month, or lay out a plan for next September. Or, if you can, chuck it all and start new right now. I know I am!

Thou Shalt Not Be Miserable!
12 Happiness Commandments - Part 2

Yesterday I published my first six Happiness Commandments, inspired by The Happiness Project. Today, here's the second six:

7. Believe in the Next Big Thing
I once heard that actors feel they'll never work again after the show closes or the movie is finished filming. I'm that way with amazing experiences. I've had many, but after each one, I have this feeling that I'll never have another one again. But if I look at my track record, I can see that just when I thought things were bleakest in this category, another big thing would happen. This is very close to "having something to look forward to."

8. Take Stock Then Move Ahead of the Curve
last week I was feeling physically down. Tired. I blamed it on DC's wonderful allergy season (all year long). When I rode my bike, I felt behind the curve. But I took stock of exactly how my body felt, and when I found I wasn't going to throw up, have an aneurism, or a heart attack, I was able to push ahead.

9. Keep Acting "As If"
I've gotten really far with this - so much so, I recommend it to others.

10. Nobody Cares
Extremely freeing, although it sounds like a cause to be unhappy. But sometimes real unhappiness happens when you think others are looking at you in a less than stellar light. Truth is, most people are thinking about themselves, and not about you. This frees my thinking and energizes me to take more chances.

11. Once a Week
Meet a friend or a contact for coffee and advance my communications and online community building talents. I've been doing this over the last couple of months and I find it's a blast!

12. Write It, Wear It, Publish It, Lift It
My version of "just do it."

Thou Shalt Not Be Miserable!
12 Happiness Commandments - Part 1

Happiness is all the rage these days, and nowhere more so than on Gretchen Rubin's very useful blog titled The Happiness Project. Gretchen recently posted tips on creating your own Happiness Commandments. These are short phrases that stand for big ideals - you know you're not thinking large enough if they sound like items from a "To-Do" list. I've taken Gretchen's advice and come up with my own 12 Happiness Commandments. I think I'm on the right track - here are the first six:

1. Create Calm
Clutter clogs my brain. I feel much calmer in an uncluttered* room, working at an uncluttered desk. And if I'm calm, I'm happy.

2. Remember the Alibi
I'm a great one for telling people that if they only knew what was going on in the minds of others, then they'd feel a whole lot less self-conscious, as most people are probably thinking about themselves. Yeah, I'm a great one for that, and then I go out on my own and feel totally self-conscious. So I need to remember when Fort Lauderdude and I went to the Alibi bar in Florida a few weeks back, and I watched him from afar while I was getting drinks. He looked totally self-possessed and confident, although I knew he was thinking "I get out of here." I need to remember that moment.

3. Stretch and Breath
Instead of bounding out of bed and down the stairs or into the living room, I feel a whole lot better if I first take some time to stretch out after waking up. It's like breakfast, only much cheaper. And breakfast gets done at some point soon after. And taking a few deep breaths actually does help the body calm down!

4. Divide by 15
After all these years, I've found I work best in 15 minute increments. Sure, I can concentrate on something for an hour or so. But that's exhausting. I need refreshers every 15 minutes or so. And a good one is:

5. Walk to Nowhere
A great 15 minute refresher. The "nowhere" part is key. I used to think that running an errand would kill the two birds. I'd get out, and something would get done. But since I instituted these walks, sans multitasking, my brain gets clear and focused and I can think up more ideas. And more ideas = more happiness for me.

6. Option my Life.
Get interested in my life as if it's a billion-dollar screenplay and all of Hollywood wants to option it. If I don't think that, then exactly who else will?

Check back tomorrow for numbers 7-12. And in the meantime, consider Dumb Little Man's 30 Happiness Tips: Program Your Life for Optimum Enjoyment.
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*Decluttering tip: Don't let postal mail hit a flat surface. Sort it out by hand before you lay the stack of ads and bills down, then throw away anything that's classically "junk." I then put bills in a box on my desk. This has done amazing things for my living room.

All About the Package
A study has found some small proof of what parents have known for years: that children prefer foods branded McDonald's over foods in unprinted containers. Researchers asked children which tastes better, fries, carrots or milk in a McDonald's wrapper or the same foods in everyday, non-corporate garb. They answered McDonald's, as reported in today's New York Times.*

I could have told somebody that. Growing up, I saw it happen in my family. But my anecdotes aren't scientific, double-blind investigations, so it's interesting to see this behavior supported by some statistics.

The article taps into my recent thinking about this whole food-packaging issue. Urged on by all the "green living" info available online, I'm considering an experiment to see if I can go a week only eating grocery store-available foods packaged as simply as possible, with minimal marketing ink used in helping them jump off the shelves. I thought it might be difficult.

But once I took a look at my weekly diet, I found I would have to make such small changes, it might not be worth it. From bananas, wrapped in nature's best natural marketing wrapper, through free-range chicken, olive oil, fresh vegetables et al, my usual food intake requires little coaxing from Madison Avenue.

I would allow "coelacanth packages" - like egg cartons, which have been around since the dawn of human time, are absolutely necessary, and can be easily retro-fitted* with pipe cleaners, goggle eyes and multicolored paints to resemble caterpillars. I would have to give up peeled baby carrots though, in favor of the less-processed, straight out of the ground kind.

So I continue to work out the bugs in the experiment idea. But leave it to marketing guru Seth Godin to expand our thinking about wrappers in a still-relevant Fast Company essay from March 2001 that begins "That wedding dress is the wrapper on your wedding day." Seth's words have stuck in my brain over the years, as he analyzes our need for packages, boxes or bags:

"At the same time that we're abandoning some traditional wrappers, some businesses are becoming ever more obsessed with the wrapper. They understand that their businesses are really about wrappers, and so they offer their T-shirts, their soaps, their teas -- even their computer workstations -- in wrappers and packages that satisfy our inner need for beauty."

As further proof of the article's relevance, it seems that even in 2007 we'll gladly pay for the same cookies over and over, as evidenced in The Consumerist article "Like Those 100 Calorie Packs? You're Paying Twice As Much."
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*But not reported there first - CNN scooped the Times in early August, and Pronet Advertising posted an August 7 commentary on the study.

**Just find a bunch of kindergarteners and you've recycled, for a short time at least, months worth of trash; oatmeal boxes can become pigs this way too.

Horizontal Vs. Vertical

Just got back from spending a bunch of days in Fort Lauderdale, FL. For those of you who read this and are incredulous, saying "You went to Florida in August?!?!?" I say "It's a whole lot nicer than DC in August!"

I lounged on my friend's balcony and watched a parade of tropiclouds at every hour of the day.
I marinated in the ocean every day.
I read a book, one actual book, the same one, every day.

I'm finding it difficult to go back to reading blogs and other online information, though. I'm pretty sure it's because when I read the book (Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert) I moved my eyes from left to right, then down to the next line and left to right.

Online I read from top to bottom. Oh sure, there's left to right. But I think there's more perusing of lists, more text going by my eyes like the credits at the end of a movie.

It hurts. I'll get used to it again. Funny, though. I didn't have to get used to reading "the old-fashioned way."

As for Stumbling on Happiness - I really enjoyed it. Gilbert takes us on a tour of our brain's capacity to feed us illusions of reality. If that sounds just too metaphysical, I'll add that he also supplies us with easily-digestible results of actual scientific mind-testing, on human subjects that were not harmed in the pursuit of knowledge and, well, happiness.

I found much in the book that I've figured out for myself over the years, as well as examples in my own life that further pointed up how even I can completely delude myself into abject misery and despair. I'll post a couple of examples in the next post or so. Once I get used to typing, my laptop, and all these things called Web sites once again.

August 2007
While the world doesn't stop in August, it does seem to slow down a little (at least, that small part of the world in which I'm located.) I've been taking some time off, and have been doing things away from the online world. I'm finding this time away is allowing me to actually think, long thoughts uninterrupted by the need to check email, respond to a phone call, or do just about an other electronic-related communication. It feels good... and so I'll be away from this blog until early next week (but I will be back.)

Job Search Communications:
24 reasons why they aren't calling you for an interview

Jimbo posted a piece the other day about his frustration with job search communications - he found out, through the "grapevine," he didn't get a job he interviewed for, instead of through the people who interviewed him. This is a frustrating problem in the job search process - who hasn't felt that they're communication with a giant black hole in applying for and/or interviewing for a job? Jimbo's dilemma prompted me to dip into my years of applying for jobs and reviewing candidate resumes, and I've come up with 24 reasons why you never hear back from a company or organization once you've sent them your resume and cover letter:

1. there's no longer a job at the company;
2. nobody has time to review all the resumes;
3. the job's been changed and they need new resumes;
4. none of the resumes matched what their needs are, and they're really really picky;
5. they called you, and you called back and left a message, but they then decided not to call you again;
6. you're overqualified;
7. you're underqualified;
8. nothing on your resume, in their eyes, convinces them that you're even a slight match for the job;
9. they can't make a decision on who to call;
10. someone reviewing the resumes knows who you are and tells the hiring manager you should not be contacted;
11. it's taking them a really REALLY long time to review resumes;
12. you're just plain wrong for the job;
13. they think you'll ask for too much money;
14. your name reminds the chief reviewer of this bully that used to torment him in school;
15. they lost your resume;
16. the post office lost your resume;
17. you thought you sent your resume, but you really didn't;
18. the email you sent with your resume attached got lost;
19. the email attachment - your resume - got lost;
20. the resume attached was in WordPerfect and they have MSWord (or vice versa);
21. something about your resume turned them off;
22. you didn't send them all the information they asked for;
23. you're not the right sex, age, etc. even though this is illegal (it's tough to prove);
24. your background on the first five emperors of Holy Roman Empire is not up to snuff - that is, any reason whatsoever that you could never guess.

How To Get The Job Of Your Dreams
Part 2

Yesterday I posted my thoughts on Fast Company's short slide presentation titled "How To Get The Job Of Your Dreams.". After weighing in on the first three quotes, I promised my opinions on the second three today, and here they are:

"People who think they should just get things for who they are or whatever are the people who don’t make it. If you want to follow what you want to do, you have to have that extra drive and effort that nobody else has." -- Fatal1ty. Professional Video Gamer.

Not sure what he's saying here in the first sentence - I think it's "don't expect an engraved invitation." As for the second sentence - I'm tired of people saying you have to work so bloody hard that you might end up with a quintuple bypass and a stroke on your way to your bliss. Do we honestly believe everyone has to do it this way? I think this idea is just as bad as "magical thinking" - or "if you want it hard enough, you'll get it."

"The very first thing you have to do when you want to find that job you are passionate about is you have to be honest with yourself to a point where it may almost be painful… Because many times when you say this is what I want to do, everyone around you will look at you like you’ve lost your mind… You have to be able to handle the pressure and outside criticism." -- Rebecca Donohue. Stand-up Comedian.

I really agree with the first part of this quote. I've come to a point in my life (with my script writing) where I've been incredibly honest with myself, and it's been a painful decision to quit - although it's felt good too. And it's opened up new vistas for me.

"For people who want to get into music -- if you want to be an artist use the Internet. Make a cool video and put it on YouTube. There are so many amazing things made possible now with the net and with MySpace and so many ways to get your music out there." -- Mark Ronson. Music Producer and Artist.

Rings true for me. I wish I had today's resources twenty years ago when I was studying communications in grad school. Actually, I learned from the ground up, shooting and editing 16mm black and white film by hand, creating video with large, heavy equipment, learning the basics of lighting - key, back and fill. So I feel I have hands-on experience. But only up to a point. Now we're faced with zillions of people creating content online. And we haven't done it long enough to see whether or not it's sustainable by the "masses." I mean, how long can anyone create without seeing some sort of monetary return?

I've thought and looked at lists of people and thought some more and I still can't come up with anyone I know who's working in their dream job. I've come up with people who worked - in the past - in their dream job, but the dream changed.

I don't see a whole lot of writing on that.

How To Get The Job Of Your Dreams
Part 1

This just in from the "How To Do It" file... Fast Company has a short slide show titled "How To Get The Job Of Your Dreams." I was looking for other information on their site, but this drew me in like a black hole. I spent all of 1 minute 30 seconds viewing it, as it's very very short. The advice, quick quotes from notable people, hits the usual notes: give it your all, don't quit, pay attention, analyze, start small. No mention of luck. No mention of "surround yourself with people who work in their dream jobs" (although that might be difficult, as they're usually working.)

Still, it made me think, especially as I'm looking for a job. Here are my thoughts (in bold) on each quote. As there are six quotes in all, I'll run three today and three tomorrow:

"Never give up. People go 99% of the way and then just like when running a race, they get really tired towards the end. But it's those that go the last 1% who are successful. Edison was right: it's 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. Keep going because you never know when you might succeed -- success sneaks up on you." -- Jim Clash. Adventure Columnist, Fortune Magazine.

I give up, because sometimes I have to keep my sanity. Getting tired towards the end - that's one thing, and I'm used to that. Hating the race, or at least no longer finding it interesting (which is where I am now), is another thing entirely.

"An indirect path to where you eventually want to arrive may be better than taking a direct route. As a designer, it's beneficial to make oneself as eclectic and interdisciplinary as possible. Take auxiliary classes. Because while you're studying algae or even sheep diseases, you never know what information you might get and how that might end up influencing your design work someday." -- Pam Greene. Senior Design Innovator, Nike Considered Line.

That's the way my mind works. I like this quote the best, as it's something I advocate for others, as well as myself. Keeping options open, and interests too, have steered me into some pretty interesting jobs. Maybe by using this tactic my next job will be a "dream." The trick for me, though, is being open to new horizons on a daily basis. The older I get, the more I feel I need to revisit past comforts.

"All you have to do is go create your dream job if it doesn't exist. Don’t wait around for someone to hand you the perfect job -- go out and start making it happen." -- Steve Hager. Editor, High Times Magazine.

This is the "just do it" idea, and I've followed this advice before. The problem comes when I've met with some success crafting my own route, but it didn't result in a sustainable income.

And a final thought (for today) - I don't think I know anyone who is working in his or her dream job! I'll have to do a little research, and I hope to have some details for tomorrow's post (which will contain the final three quotes from the slideshow.)

What's Brand Me?
Revisiting "Personal Branding" a Decade Later

Ten years ago this month, Tom Peters' article "The Brand Called You" appeared in Fast Company magazine, and an era was born. The term brand stopped being the exclusively property of cattle ranchers and breakfast cereal manufacturers, and started being our property too.

I remember reading the article, and finding the concept interesting. But I was too busy working full time, writing plays in my off hours, and managing my life (both the social and everyday upkeep aspects) to work at defining my personal brand.

I've got a much better idea of it now. Today, something moved me to read the article again. I not only found out it's ten years old, I could see how, even today, people would still a difficult time explaining who they are according to their brand.

Simply put, my personal brand is what enters the room before I do.

We used to call it "personality." Or "personal style." But simple doesn't mean it's easy. I'm sure you've had people tell you "I hate working on my resume" or "I hate developing my yearly performance appraisal."

That's because we're really bad, and hesitant, at thinking about ourselves in this manner. Here's a thought exercise I've found useful to get around that problem:

Think of a friend, waiting for you in a restaurant. You're meeting for lunch, drinks or dinner.

He or she is thinking about what the experience will be like once you show up.

Is your friend looking forward to:
- laughing because you always say funny things?
- exciting political conversation because you're always up on what's happening across the country?
- telling you some great personal news because you're always happy and congratulatory?
- a long afternoon because it's going to be all about you?

The person waiting for you is attuned to the experience he or she is going to have once you show up.

Now take it wider. Think of how others might view you at work.

Are you:
- always ready to lend a hand, when it's needed?
- someone who people tiptoe around?
- the go-to person when anyone has a problem?

All these thoughts and opinions are elements of your personal brand. They're the things people instinctively feel even before they see you. They're the things people expect from you.

They might expect:
you'll always be positive
you'll always be difficult to deal with (and so maybe they just don't and you're left
alone!)
you'll always be energetic at every moment of the day
you to be calm but kind of out of it until the coffee kicks in
you'll always be there.

It even goes to the work you crank out. They might expect that:
it's always nearly perfect
it's always missing something
it'll be delivered so quickly that they won't be ready for it
it's always delivered timely
it's something they'll have to fix later

It really helps if you have some examples of things you know people have said about you. Snippets of a conversation, or the positive things written about your work in your last performance appraisal.

Simply put, our personal brand is what enters the room before we do.

Once I started thinking about myself and "my brand" in this way, I started laying a foundation which I can build on quickly when I need to. Like, when I apply for a job. Or when I'm about to meet a bunch of people I've never met before. Or if I need to change something I'm doing in order to make the outcome better or surprising, instead of the boring old status quo.

I can't promise you'll end up happy working on your resume, but you might end up much happier with your results.

And read the Tom Peters' article (again, if you've read it before.) Reflect on how timely it still is, especially 10 years later (which is a billion years in cultural time.)

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Picture from The Arizona Ranch Web site.

Screenwriter Secrets of Effective Storytelling!
The Structure: Are We There Yet?

Most of us, when we tell a story, start by loading it up with details. We feel we need to build up to the interesting part by carefully setting the scene. I read plenty of feature articles across the country that do this. Stories that start with an image, as if the writer wants us to concentrate on some microscopic details that will give us a feeling for the environment.

The problem is, when we're listening to that kind of story, we're impatient for it to begin. It's amazing how little background "staging" we need, really, to get involved in a story. We don't realize that, done correctly, our engagement can be immediate. Without all those pesky details.

Take this scene. I guarantee you it's part of a movie, although you'll never see it on screen:

FADE IN:

EXT. DAY - A ONE-ROOM SCHOOLHOUSE

A TEACHER (35, female) stands at the door, waving goodbye to the children. A YOUNG GIRL (14) waves goodbye to the teacher and starts down the sidewalk, followed by a dog.

EXT. DAY - LARGE VICTORIAN MANSION

A wall separates the grand house from the dusty road. A cat sits on one of the wall posts. The girl and dog approach the wall. The cat HISSES, and the dog BARKS. The cat jumps down into the yard, and the dog squeezes through a gap in the wall, chasing the cat.

GIRL
No no! I've told you a thousand times!

The girl runs to the front gate and swings it open. The front door of the mansion opens, and a severe and hawklike woman appears. The girls stops and...

I'll stop there.

I wrote the script portion above. Any idea what movie I'm talking about? Go ahead and read the beginning of the actual script:

FADE IN:
MS -- Dorothy stoops down to Toto -- speaks to him -- then runs down road to b.g. -- Toto following --

DOROTHY
She isn't coming yet, Toto. Did she hurt you? She tried to, didn't she? Come on - we'll go tell Uncle Henry and Auntie Em. Come on, Toto.

While the script is slightly different from the actual movie, the differences don't detract from the actual storytelling. And the names give a whole lot away. But look at the dialogue - it tells us everything we need to know. Sure, we get more information later, info that can help us put the pieces together. But while my version goes on and on, in the actual script, you're into the story in a flash. Plus you get two more characters. And in just a few minutes more, we get even more information about what happened (the technical term is "exposition"), plus we get conflicts, relationships, issues. And all before you've finished reading my version.

Try not to load down your story with excessive, irrelevant detail. See how much you can relate in as few words as possible. Make those words do double, triple, quadruple duty. Our minds are hard-wired to complete things, to close the loops, to look for patterns. Let your readers fill in the cracks themselves. Believe me, we love to do it!

And if you're interested, the next time you're watching a movie, especially a great one, pay attention to the beginning. Most movies nowadays spend very little time "setting the scene." They use a couple of establishing shots - maybe - and then boom, something happens, usually directly related to the plot.

The Best Dime You'll Ever Spend Part 2

10 Generators of Ideas

If a tree falls in the forest and no one's around.. you know the rest. By that same token, if you have an idea, but you never communicate it, does it exist?

Perhaps you've been bashed for your ideas in the past. You may have experience one of the killing methods in Part 1 of this post. How do you then turn around and get up the gumption to let your ideas flow again?

I've found, for me, 10 idea generators. They act all along the idea continuum, from first spark through the long building process to final product. The generators:

writing creates ideas;
dialogue boosts ideas;
facilitators grow ideas;
being unselfish welcomes ideas;
sunny summer days make the world seem safe for ideas;
music (and not just Bach) exchanges ideas;
learning excites ideas;
exercise unleashes ideas;
endorphins hammer confidence into ideas;
silence centers ideas;

And a great idea environment should have at least two generators.

EarPlay - 5 More Alternate Titles for Your Summer Outdoor Concert Listening

Previously in this series I wrote about the National Symphony's summer warhorse concerts at Carter Barron, and offered some titles that could replace some of the more overplayed repertoire. Here are some additional titles, and the sometimes overplayed pieces they can replace without causing a riot in the audience.

From The Planets - Gustav Holst's grand solar system tour for large orchestra gives us the planets "up close and personal," based on the astronomical and popular conceptions of each. Four movements from the eight-movement suite (Pluto hadn't been discovered at the time of composition) work extremely well outdoors on a starry night:

Mars (The Bringer of War). A mean, hammering, violent march, reminiscent of John Williams' music from The Empire Strikes Back.

Mercury (The Winged Messenger). Quick, fast and shimmering, like the scherzo from Mendellsohn's A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Jupiter (The Bringer of Jollity). A enormous, fantastic festival, bright and exotic, with a central theme that runs rings around Elgar's Pomp and Circumstance.

Uranus (The Magician). Conjures grotesque figures, lurking and bouncing, like the brooms in Dukas' Sorcerer's Apprentice. And no Mickey Mouse to be found.

Then back on Earth:

Four Sea Interludes from Peter Grimes - Benjamin Britten forgoes a day at the beach and gives us the ocean, after hours and off-season. Beginning with winds and sea birds diving in the strings, the suite goes on to feature vast ocean swells through low orchestral rumblings, and finishes with an brief yet devastating storm. The flip side of Debussy's La Mer.

How To Do It

I sometimes feel that what I read online is like a Monty Python sketch titled "How To Do It." In the sketch, some characters sit on a set and tell us how to rid the world of disease and play the flute. Only they describe it to us, and leave out the details. Basically like those EAP flyers they distribute in the office around Christmas which tell us to "just try to be less depressed" if we're having problems with the holidays.

It's made me look at how I've accomplished my big items, and ask myself exactly how I did it. I came up with the following steps that I've found are absolutely crucial in accomplishing anything. And lest you think I'm just repackaging everyone else's material, I'll provide you examples from my life after the short list that follows:

1. Take your FIRST CONCRETE STEP that can lead somewhere.
Do something. Anything (other than thinking). Just be concrete. Create a list, start a wiki, call a contact, join a seminar, find a coach. Just do something you can grow from.

2. Find an ONGOING MENTOR.
Preferably an individual or a group that you meet with more than once. Once a week, no less than once a month. And the "ongoing" is crucial. That person or group is going to prod you, give you a place to air your ideas, evaluate your process, and critique your work. She or They will help you through their own stories, and provide a special kind of mirror reflects your ideas through their sensibilities. You'll get suggestions you've never think of, you'll find what's unworkable, and you'll learn that some of your smallest, almost forgettable thoughts are sometimes your best ones.

3. Find ANOTHER MENTOR IF the cost of your first one is too high for you.
There are plenty of people out there who will take your money and give you a packaged product, which you then get to (or have to) implement. Just watch cable TV any Sunday morning and you'll see them selling you the answers to your problems. The best mentors, while not free, should ask for reasonable compensation for their services, and not demand you buy a complete package of materials or stay with them indefinitely.

4. Put your STUFF ON THE TABLE.
Most of us suffer from staying too "inside our own heads." We churn our ideas around and around, and think we're doing work. We are doing work, actually, but there comes a point at which the thoughts have to get out of our head in order to become real. I find that keeping thoughts and ideas in my head doesn't allow for them to grow and change. Once they're on the table, and other interested people have a chance to be affected by them - that's when the exciting work starts.

5. TAKE THE RISKS they offer you.
Great mentors drop you in the water and make you swim, perhaps even before you think you're ready. They'll see your abilities without your baggage. The best mentors may even provide you with a practice outlet which can give incredible feedback. But you can't get the feedback unless you swim.

How I Did It: Writing Plays

I began writing plays seriously about ten years ago. A day or two after my decision, and after I started writing stuff down, I met someone at a neighborhood cafe who told me about a group that became my chief mentor for the next six years. DC's Playwrights Forum provided experts and fellow writers for a very reasonable fee. My core group met every two weeks for a 8-session periods. The coordinators of my groups gave me not only ideas to improve my writing, but suggestions on what to write next, or while I was working on a larger piece. Fellow members took roles in readings of my scenes, and provided immediate feedback on what worked and what didn't. The Forum also produced public readings of my work in professional theatres and other arts spaces. The group also ran an annual conference, compiled contest information in the newsletter, offered free tickets to area productions, and communicated my successes to the entire organization.

My part? I wrote, and edited, and polished, and brought stuff in. I read books, sat through rehearsals of professional productions, talked to theater experts, and took my mentor's advice. A year after I joined, I had a one-act produced at a DC theater festival. Each year I was with the group, I had something big happen. I won awards, placed high in competitions, had in-house and public readings, and saw more work produced. The pinnacle of my achievement was having a full-length play of mine produced in Los Angeles.

In writing about this, I see that I'm describing the outcomes - how I met the goals. What I don't talk about much, because it almost goes without saying, is the down-and-dirty, crawling along the ground grunt work I did. And that was basically sitting down at my computer at least three nights a week and writing for an hour. Rewriting. Figuring out how to make things better.

First Steps. Ongoing Mentors. Following Their Advice. Grunt Work. Taking Risks.

So, maybe I can take my own advice, and follow my own rules listed above, for my next set of accomplishments.

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Here's the Monty Python sketch, from Episode #28, in its entirety:

Cut to a sign saying 'How to do it'. Music. Pull out to reveal a 'Blue Peter' type set. Sitting casually on the edge of a dais are three presenters in sweaters - Noel, Jackie and Alan - plus a large bloodhound.
Alan: Hello.
Noel: Hello.
Alan: Well, last week we showed you how to become a gynaecologist. And this week on 'How to do it' we're going to show you how to play the flute, how to split an atom, how to construct a box girder bridge, how to irrigate the Sahara Desert and make vast new areas of land cultivatable, but first, here's Jackie to tell you all how to rid the world of all known diseases.
Jackie: Hello, Alan.
Alan: Hello, Jackie.
Jackie: Well, first of all become a doctor and discover a marvellous cure for something, and then, when the medical profession really starts to take notice of you, you can jolly well tell them what to do and make sure they get everything right so there'll never be any diseases ever again.
Alan: Thanks, Jackie. Great idea. How to play the flute. (picking up a flute) Well here we are. You blow there and you move your fingers up and down here.
Noel: Great, great, Alan. Well, next week we'll be showing you how black and white people can live together in peace and harmony, and Alan will be over in Moscow showing us how to reconcile the Russians and the Chinese. So, until next week, cheerio.
Alan: Bye.
Jackie: Bye.