But That's Not What We're About!

As a promotional stunt for the upcoming Simpson's movie, some 7-11 stores are now Kwik-E-Marts, Homer's version of Whole Foods.

Jeff Brooks over at Donor Power Blog thinks it's a nifty idea, one that some nonprofit organizations might learn from.

According to Jeff:

"So often, a company's brand image bull-headedly flies in the face of reality, stubbornly insisting in an ideal that's baldly untrue. That's why 7-Eleven's willingness to laugh, even at their own weakness, is so amazing. And appealing. They've actually left behind their phony brand image and joined the real conversation. Maybe they figured out that being authentic, even when it's less than flattering, is better than sticking to an irrelevant playbook... I'm waiting for a nonprofit that can do that."

Every nonprofit I've worked for has complained "people just don't understand who we really are and what we really do." Among the specific "misunderstandings" I've run across in my career:

1. Everyone thinks we're a bunch of hayseeds and hicks, when we're actually quite sophisticated!
2. People believe we want to use these strategies and tactics for punishment, when we're really working to improve interpersonal communication!
3. We're not trying to destroy the concept of parental consent - although a prominent radio personality keeps saying we are - while we're trying to get kids and parents to talk even more!
4. We're characterized as sadistic money-grubbing technicians, worse than auto mechanics, when we're more necessary for good health than anyone thinks, and we've got the research to prove how we're just like everyone else!

In fighting these perceptions, each organization has run to solutions based on external communications, while trying to work through a certain amount of anger at those who won't listen or have their idea set changed. I like the Kwik-E-Mart idea of taking what you fear is your biggest stereotype and, to use a touchy-feely concept, totally owning it.

Think of the fun when, in your marketing meeting, you fill the flipcharts with all the crazy, negative assumptions leveled against your organization. Think of the bumper stickers you could design with slogans based on your most cutting criticisms. Even if you decide not to proceed as 7-11 has done, oh what collective wisdom you'll unleash!

In each of my cases, I'd bring the following ideas to the table:

1. How about we develop a character right out of Green Acres as our spokesperson - and give him or her a sophisticated edge that even he or she doesn't quite believe or understand? Like mixing tractors and caviar?

2. What if we put our practitioners into corrections-inspired outfits. Maybe dayglo orange jumpsuits or old-time prison stripes. Could you imagine them delivering services in that getup? Would the clients get it, and even laugh?

3. Maybe we could develop a PSA that says "Yeah, we think parental consent SUCKS!" And we're shouting it to America over a bullhorn from atop a really high building. Then we end with ways parents, guardians and kids can work together to avoid the need for parental consent.

4. Could we really get outrageous and create a Web site gloryfying our most negative attributes, and then deliver the facts along with the myths - but it would be up to the site users to find the clues that we're pulling their collective legs?

Of course, there would be massive problems in getting a nonprofit to Kwik-E-Mart themselves. Mainly because:

Nonprofits almost always are in a struggle for money, and would fear spending time and energy on something that could blow up in their faces and ruin their fundraising.
Nonprofits deal with subject matter and issues that often aren't funny at all, and could be severely anxious about coming across as "making fun" of the sufferers.
Nonprofits rely on established practitioner methods and traditions to make themselves credible in a highly professional marketplace - and traditions stick with the grip of epoxy cement.

But, as Scott the Nametag Guy writes today, sometimes you have to dream up some really crazy ideas to get anywhere.

And it'll be interesting to see if anyone follows Jeff Brooks' call...
Meanwhile, there's a blog carnival all about authenticity over at Sea Change Strategies.

Nuke the Office:
10 reasons small nonprofit organizations should go virtual

1. You've probably got a good number of part-time employees, and the rest of your staff is probably traveling, so there's a bunch of space going unused right now.

2. Your rent most likely eats up a significant portion of your budget.

3. It's getting tougher and tougher to raise those unrestricted funds that go directly to rent and other on-site operating expenses.

4. Half your staff probably doesn't really get along with, and won't mind not seeing, the other half.

5. You've got no bureaucracy to support.

6. Down deep, you know there's no "exchange of ideas" among staff when they're in the office (see reasons 1 and 2 above)

7. You're already farming out most of your communications and other administrative tasks, and staff spends a large percentage of time managing vendor, member, and committee contracts, tasks, and relationships via phone, email, and off-site meetings.

8. Your bookshelves are filled with reports and monographs and books and brochures and pamphlets that: A) you never look at, and B) are probably available online by now.

9. Your decor is early 90's castoff furniture, and your artwork is either your organization's framed publications (BORING!) or IKEA posters (FLÄRKE HANNES-KRISTER!), which will impress nobody, since they've got them too.

10. You've inherited some previous organization's warren-like maze of offices, cubicles, and dead-ends that would give Mozart composer's block.

In olden days, before we could send information wirelessly ourselves, the office suite was all about communication. Letters, memos, faxes, meetings, phone calls - they all required we be physically present to generate and be answerable to communications. Today, it's even more about communication. And with cell phones, the Internet, email, overnight package delivery, we workers don't become obsolete, but the previous structure of our workplaces do. How many of us fret over the look of our Web site, but never give a second thought to our office design?

Read more about it:
What Gen Y Wants From Work at Web Worker Daily,
and
Twentysomething: Start a company in 3 days with 70 friends at Brazen Careerist.

I'll be weighing in on this issue again, with:

• The real reasons for offices.
• Answering the naysayers questions.
• What to do with the money you'll save.
• Creative ways to deal with the new markets you'll create.
• What we'll still need offices for - and why we might not.

EarPlay - 5 Alternate Titles for Your Summer Outdoor Concert Listening

The Washington Post reviewed a couple of free family concerts by the National Symphony at Carter Barron Amphitheatre. I've been to a number of these around the city, and I think they're a great idea. The Post points up some problems with outdoor concerts in general, and posits that a more tranquil setting would be a huge benefit to developing a classical music audience. I see the problem as one of conservative musical programming. I've heard the Tchaikovsky, Bernstein, Rodgers, Copland, Grofé and Williams pieces a million times. These warhorses of the summer classical repertoire, while fantastic music, are not the only thing out there. Why serve up the same old tunes all the time, when there are other works with just as much spunk, tunefulness, dynamics and fun as the well-known pieces. Here are five:

1. Le Tombeau de Couperin - Maurice Ravel
Four short, dancing movements of orchestral color: a flying, spinning Prélude, a jokey, lurking Forlane, a smooth, elegant and modern Menuet, plus a bouncing, jumping Rigaudon for a finale. A combination stairmaster, treadmill, and nautilus workout for your ears, with a stretch and water break 3/4 the way through.

2. Joyeuse marche - Emmanuel Chabrier
Marches usually don't sound like this. Instead of laying down a steady beat for the troops passing in review, Chabrier's "joyous" version is all sudden starts and stops and the beat's all over the place. Tons of fun and much too short.

3. Concerto in F - George Gershwin
Sure, Rhapsody in Blue is great. But this is better. The first movement is practically an entire concerto itself, as it goes to all kinds of places.

4. Five Tudor Portraits - Ralph Vaughan Williams
A huge work set to poems by John Skelton (1460-1529), with three truly accessible movements for a neophyte audience: The Tunning of Elinor Rumming, My Pretty Bess and Jolly Rutterkin. This one's got variety to spare, with complex rhythms and colors for chorus and orchestra. Why not couple the orchestra with one of the area's choral groups? Sure, it takes more planning, but you get much more sound. And most of these non-professional but infinitely talented groups would do it for for free.

5. Capriol Suite - Peter Warlock
More fun rhythms jammed into a relatively short amount of space and time.

Why am I passionate about this? Because more people need to listen to this stuff! I credit classical music for improve my writing, generating my ideas, blowing the cobwebs out of my brain, or even just improving a part of my day. Now before you go thinking "he's going to tell me to listen to more Mozart" I'll tell you this: I can only take so much Mozart. The music I'm talking about was (almost) all written in the 20th Century. It's got intense color, incredible movement, and spiky syncopations. I'll be posting more examples in the next week or so; some of the pieces will tell stories, and others are totally abstract. Taken together, they comprise what I would counsel anyone to listen to if they want to expand their choice of iPod downloads.

Screenwriter Secrets of Effective Storytelling!
Part II: The People

#2: Introducing the Arch Nemesis

Every story has a villain. Think of the most popular ones from the movies: Darth Vader, Hannibal Lecter, HAL, dinosaurs. They drive the story's main activity, and can set off other conflicts among the heroes. They're also really fun to write, much more so than the boring old protagonist.

That's because the main character is usually a reflection of the writer, while the villains steal all the good lines. "No, Luke. I am your father." "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti." And the granddaddy (or grandmother) of them all: "I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!"

In telling your story, or an organization's, a customer's or a constituent's, it might be tough to flesh out the villain, however.

You might not want to name names directly. It might not be a person. It could be a disease, a force of nature, an immoral activity, or a frame of mind. Depression, tsunamis, badly-distributed resources, homophobia. If you were writing a screenplay, you'd give each of these its own personality. In telling your story, you might not have the space or time.

But you need to know exactly who and/or what your villain is. Take the time to dig down, flesh out, even describe for yourself what can vanquish its evil ways. Like a movie that tricks you into thinking you know who the villain is, in the story you're writing, you might think you know who your villain is (politicians are always the knee-jerk, fall back villains in everyone's minds), but you don't want to destroy relationships and burn bridges. And you don't want people getting the wrong idea.

You may end up with a story that doesn't specifically mention your villain, specially if your audience already knows and you're in full agreement. But knowing who or what your villain is gives you a better foundation on which to build your story. And who knows, you may even find yourself writing a screenplay based on the problems he, she or it can cause.

Nobody Ever Asked Me To:

#3: Help adolescents scale incredible heights

The young lady, a college sophomore, stood there looking up - way up - at Arnold Schwarzenegger. He shook her hand, while she shook all over. You see, she had only seen celebrities on TV or in the movies. Not live. Not like this. Never actually introduced to one of the biggest.

And I had a major role to play in that moment.

When I was hired a number of years before by a large, national youth development organization, my duties were basically entry-level management of scholarships and grants.

Little did I know that in just a few years I would be introducing a young college student to The Terminator.

See, at the start, the job was not at all exciting. But in those early days, I looked around the place, got to know some people and started understanding what the other jobs there entailed. After a couple of years I found myself part of a team which trained teens to meet with and tell their stories to high-level corporate CEOs, as well as become national role models for the entire youth program.

And it was a whole lot of fun. How? Two reasons. 1) I developed and presented the public speaking and story-telling trainings, and 2) the teens were fantastic, bright, energetic, fascinating and a joy to work with. They made our team proud, because they all consistently rose to meet the challenges we tossed their way. And they were always incredibly grateful to us for the opportunities to do some pretty amazing stuff.

Like consult with some of the biggest CEOs of corporate America. Like speak to audiences of 2000 at a time. Like play tennis against the President on the White House courts.

And meet Arnold when he was Chairman of the President's Council on Physical Fitness.

The youth organization recognized my efforts and rewarded me for them. Actually, no. That's not true.

The organization basically ignored that part of my job at performance review time. I got raises, but they were based on the other, more managerial parts of my job. My boss even once told me "I let you do the other things because I know you have a good time doing them." Not, I heard him intimate, because I show any aptitude for it or deliver a much-needed service to the organization.

In fact, a couple of us were criticized for what we were trying to do with these teens at the national level, as they thought it brought too much attention to ourselves. I came to realize that, if you show you're having too much fun in your job, people will resent you for it.

However, nothing, not even money, can replace my memory of that college sophomore, shaking (but smiling), looking up at Arnold that one afternoon - and the story she took back to the rest of the office.

Screenwriter Secrets of Effective Storytelling!
Part II: The People

#1: Knock Down, Drag Out

The next time you watch a movie, pay close attention to the main character. Notice how he is always on the go. How she might be sitting at a desk for just a moment, only to spring up out of his chair and leave the room. How many times have you watched a movie or tv show and asked the characters "why did you go into that room - you knew the killer was in there waiting for you!"

Something I learned in one of the screenwriting seminars I attended over the past few years: characters in movies differ from real life people in one main respect: when given the choice between "throwing a punch" or letting something pass, the character will throw the punch.

Now let's take that real life person you find you need to write about. Chances are very good that his or her life matches our own - distinctly lacking in chances to throw a punch.

That's when you have to dig a little deeper. Expand your idea of what "throwing a punch" is. Our lives, and those of our constituents, abound with actions that can be construed as a bit more dramatic, when put up against an opponent. Getting that second opinion from another doctor. Returning that latte because it's "just not right." Running for the subway train as the doors close. Asking that certain person out to lunch.

Dramatic characters are all about "wants." It's something they share with us - and why we find them so compelling. Often a story is all about a person (or character) wanting something - and going after it. That's where the essence of the story lies. In the character's want.

A teacher wanting his students to learn (or behave) - and the punches he throws to affect this change. That's compelling. A teacher working with well-behaved academic achievers? Not so compelling. That's why the end credits come when the teacher's gotten what he wants. We don't want to watch even ten minutes of non-dramatic classroom learning. That's the reason so many movie sequels fail. They really aren't sequels, they're the original movie character having to go after her want all over again.

Screenwriter Secrets of Effective Storytelling!
Part 1: The Language (continued)

#4: Ying or Yang?
Sometimes the most effective way of figuring out what something is, is to figure out what it isn't. That way, you can hone in on your subject.

However, this could hamper your storytelling.

I've often used the "negative" in describing what I see. The simplest example would be describing something at night. I might begin by saying "the room was devoid of light" or "the streetlights were all out." But I'm never satisfied with that description, because it makes the reader do too much work. And I'd rather have the reader bounce along in the story than stopping to figure things out.

So, I'll recast certain descriptions in a "positive" way. Instead of saying "devoid of light" I'll use "Darkness threatens to eat up the small square of light the moon casts on the floor." (Hey, we're talking dramatic effect here!) The "streetlights are out" segment will become "the only light on the street came from his flashlight."

Casting things in the negative stops the reader and makes him or her imagine first the alternate, which must then be removed. For "a room devoid of light" the reader must first imagine the room "with light" and then turn the lights off.

I'd much rather go ahead into the room and turn the lights off for you.

Living in DC: The Macy's Experience
I bought a new suit today, the first in many years. I bought it at the Macy's in downtown DC, after I saw online they were having a huge sale. At the store itself, Alvin (the suit salesperson) not only steered me in two seconds to the rack with my size, he suggested an alternative to the in-store tailoring. He also guided me to another Macy's employee, Lucy, who could "hook me up with the best shirt and tie combination you've ever seen. She's the best." Lucy was indeed the best - she suggested some combinations I would never have thought up, plus she paid attention to my wallet. The first shirt we looked at she dismissed. "Not on sale," she said, and then took me to the bargains. All told, I ended up spending $300.00. But that was before the extra discounts, which got me down to $200.00. Seems that today, the only thing they inflate are their Thanksgiving balloons.

Now all I need is another job interview.

Screenwriter Secrets of Effective Storytelling!
Part 1: The Language (continued)

#3 - To [adverb] or not to [adverb]
Adverbs ("The part of speech that modifies a verb, adjective, or other adverb") are used in screenplays, but sparingly. Used well, they can provide sparks in the reader's mind. Used badly (aka "too often") they're mud caking up on your boots. Weighing you down. Bringing "what happens next" to a halt.

Many storytellers, especially those of us seldom called upont to exercise our skills, can rely on adverbs to give extra emotional weight to the story. But what we don't realize is very often the facts of the story carry a significant amount of that weight already. Just by telling the simple, unadorned story itself, we can create the most compelling pictures in the reader's mind.

The problem with adverbs is that they dictate one way of looking at an incident, and remove the audience's ability to provide their own vision. Used heavily, adverbs limit the reader's creativity. They weigh you down.

In the "Aliens" example, there are two well-placed adverbs: blindingly and silently. And they aren't used metaphorically. They actually describe the effect on the audience's two senses - seeing and hearing.

Earlier, I said I fall into this trap too. I did in this post. In the sentence beginning "Many storytellers..." I first wrote "can rely heavily on adverbs..." When I proofed the post, I took my own advice, and deleted "heavily." And I think the sentence is all the better for it.

How Green Is My H2O
12 Ways WASA Can Help DC Break Its Bottled Water Habit - and Improve Our Plastic Container Environmental Impact

Fast Company's fascinating analysis of the bottled water phenomenon ("Message in a Bottle," July/August 2007) inspired me to come up with some more ideas for improving WASA's public outreach (see my previous post on the subject - 7 Ways to Improve a Municipal Water Report to DC Residents.)

According to Fast Company, America's water supply is "impressively safe," yet we prefer to spend billions on a substance we can get for free (or at very very very low cost), not to mention the environmental cost of all those plastic bottles.

I think this provides a great opportunity for DC's Water and Sewer Authority to take back their main product and reposition it in our lives. How to do this? Some examples:

1. Publish a "Did You Know..." series focusing on
- how much money we can save by filling our water bottles from the tap
- tips and facts about water's health benefits
- how municipal water purification is not that far removed from bottled water manufacturers' water processing systems
- why using DC's water is better than using bottled water.

2. Create a fact sheet itemizing all of WASA's benefits to DC residents (sometimes these things need to be spelled out, even the ones that can be termed "common sense.")

3. Design a snappy DC water system logo that looks less governmental.

4. Provide DC households with a free plastic gallon refrigerator water jug - prominently featuring the logo. Make the jugs, as well as reusable individual water bottles (adult and child/aquapod sizes) available to DC residents for a small fee.

5. Revamp the consumer sections of WASA's Web site to better represent the DC water "brand" and upgrade the graphics, writing style, and user information.

6. Start a DC water blog, highlighting facts, short tutorials, and breaking news around DC's water supply. Plenty of opportunities for puns here, which I won't burden anyone with at this point.

7. Develop a "Save the Water, Save the World" campaign, which encourages residents to keep track of the money saved through bypassing the purchase of bottled water, which they can then donate to charity (like WASA's S.P.L.A.S.H. Program.)

8. Conduct taste tests at community gatherings (farmer's markets, flea markets, neighborhood festival days) at a newly-upgraded WASA exhibit, which pit DC water against the top bottled water brands (and give away t-shirt sporting the new WASA logo.)

9. Create a school science curriculum showing the extensive water reclamation system and its component technologies.

10. Collaborate with DC's Department of Public Works on a program that encourages residents to lower the amount of plastic we throw away by reusing water bottles for DC tap water, and informs us on how much garbage we currently produce with bottled water.

11. Launch a "develop your taste for water campaign."

12. Combine forces with DC's Health Center on a "Water Fights Obesity" campaign that shows the positive health benefits of DC water (when combined with healthy eating and exercise.) Identify (and facilitate) some neighborhood "Jareds" (a la Subway) as spokespersons for the campaign.

***
Extra Added Attraction! Dumb Little Man offers "9 Reasons to Drink Water, and How to Form the Water Habit."

Screenwriter Secrets of Effective Storytelling!
Part 1: The Language (continued)

Off the Beaten Path
Just one more example supporting the “Level III Diagnostic” storytelling problem I describe in my previous post. In "What do you do with your blog on the weekend,” Problogger states:

“The weekend is here and I’m looking forward to some fun. You see today is my Son’s first birthday party (his actual birthday is next Friday) and we’re getting together with family and friends to celebrate his first year…”

I do this all this time, and I hear others doing it too. Even Problogger, who has an awesome site, falls into the trap. He lets us know that today is his son’s first birthday (a very cool detail), then he backtracks to tell us his son’s actual birthday is next Friday. It of course matters to him, but it doesn’t matter to us. Repeating the information breaks the story. Providing more info on the birthday (even if it's just clarifying) starts us thinking that the story's going down a different path, even though it's not.

I have a friend who does this so often while he speaks, that he often forgets the the point of his story, since he’s wandered so far off the topic. I have to tell him “go back to the original subject of your story” (that is, if I remember what it was.)

Bottom line: leaving out some details, even if they further clarify or even reveal a truth, is sometimes OK to do.

If I'm guilty of it in this post, I apologize.

Screenwriter Secrets of Effective Storytelling!
The Language (continued):
#2. Getting Stuck in a “Level III Diagnostic”

How exact do we need to be in our stories? Everyone these days deals with so much technical and highly sophisticated information. Programs, concepts, research and the like, so vital to the story, begs to be explained for the lay person (or anyone with power and little time.) What do you do when you need to include a technical term that'll take a few paragraphs to explain, but you don't want to give over that much space to it?

Give in and dumb it down a bit. Find a related concept, or an easy-to-explain item, that can stand in for the complex. You're not writing a doctoral dissertation here, right? (And if you are, stop reading and go back to work!)

Let's use Star Trek as an example. Gene Roddenberry's characters are always using “tricorders” when the set their “phasers on stun” to capture some “dilithium crystals” for the "warp drive." He was making terms up to stand for fictional scientific information that was supposedly centuries in the future. Did Captain Kirk ever stop and deliver a dissertation to the crew on proper phaser use? Of course not!

Roddenberry, in The Making of Star Trek, said that although nobody had ever heard of these things before, he wasn’t about to have a character say “We’ll meet in the Transporter room. The Transporter will disassembled our body’s atoms and shoot them down to the planet where the beam will reassemble us.” All the other characters already know that. To state it would sound unnatural. And in westerns, the gunslinger never says "let me aim my Winchester repeating action rifle, which will fire a number of deadly rounds, at the sheriff."

Roddenberry's solution? Create terms that are 1-off from what we know. He kind of “dumbed down” the future for us. That is, the Star Trek future.

Tricorder? Recorders.
Phasers? Lasers.
Dilithium? Lithium.

Lay them out and then back away.

A long description of the term "pathology" will break your story into pieces. Better to just say "disease." If you can find an image that’s 1-off from what we already know, you can cover even more ground. Don’t worry about getting every detail absolutely right. Just worry about the ones that are important - the details that move the story forward. And if someone complains? Offer to fix it the next time (yeah, I know, that's a terrible suggestion. Maybe someone else has an improved reply?)

7 Ways to Improve a Municipal Water Report to DC Residents

I just received my 2006 DC Water and Sewer Authority (WASA) Quality Report, a glossy, full color, six-page newsletter that I assume appeared in every DC household's postal mail box.

I took some time to really read my copy, instead of my usual action. Let's look at some suggestions to make it more useful:

1. Define for us some terms none of us use in our day-to-day communications. Terms like:

potable (I know what it means, but does everyone?)
free chlorine
orthophosphate
chloramines
Total Coliform

2. List some reasons we would contact you at the phone numbers listed.

3. Provide a few "watershed protection activities" that you suggest we join our neighbors in accomplishing.

4. Explain why WASA "purchases drinking water from the US Army Corps of Engineers, Washington Aqueduct" (page 2) if our "Drinking water...comes from the Potomac River" (page 1.)

5. Advise us whether or not the listed "violations" of EPA Drinking Water Standards constitute a real hazard to the DC population, and how they compare to other regions. The report contains some pretty technical details all written in federal governmentspeak.

6. Lead us through the extensive tables (pages 4 and 5.) I tried to make sense of them, but ended up drowning in data (pun intended.) Do we really need all that information right then and there, or could we make do with just a few facts, and some guidance on how to find more.

7. Explain the photo of two fire fighters spraying water at a burning house. Maybe a caption would help.

I do have a few positive comments, though. The report's layout is effective, with plenty of white space and an easy-to-read typeface. Contact information (phone numbers, offices, email addresses) appears throughout the publication, so I don't have to hunt for it. And picture use is spare but effective (although I'm still puzzling over the fire fighters - do they need potable water to fight fires?)

Overall, I think the writers and editors could learn a thing or two from Made to Stick. While they've clearly and concisely delivered half the information, WASA might find some additional methods of humanizing the document. After all, Water is Life (or so WASA states in the 2005 report.)

Screenwriter Secrets of Effective Storytelling!
What's this series about? Scroll to the end of this post for the answer...

Part 1: The Language
Screenwriters (especially unknowns) are always swimming upstream. They have two pages to grab the reader’s attention, and then not only keep it, but make sure that reader blasts from sentence to the next and one page to the next.

Screenplay readers (usually always attached to a production company) will sometimes take home a stack of scripts to read provide what’s called “coverage,” which includes whether or not to advance the screenplay to whatever the next round is. And script readers claim that the piles of scripts next to their beds are basically worthless, unreadable, and worst of all, boring!

It’s all a part of the ongoing problem we all face: attracting interest, and then maintaining it.

In order to do this, screenwriting language is simple, clear, concise, unadorned, all the things you’ve learned through school and in Strunk & White.

What does screenwriting language do? To begin with it:

I. Plants a crystal clear image in the reader’s mind
Remember the first time you saw Aliens? If it was in a packed movie house, you’ll definitely remember the audience’s reaction to this scene. I remember the audience I was in: everyone said “Oh, NO!”


It started with a crystal clear description in the script. Notice how the words, with blazing efficiency, give us the scene:

Newt, standing waist deep in the water, watches sparks shower blindingly as Hicks cuts. She bites her lip, trembling. Cold and terrified. Silently a glistening shape rises in one graceful motion from the water behind her. It stands, dripping, dwarfing her tiny form. Newt turns, sensing the movement...She SCREAMS as the shadow engulfs her.

Terry Rossio, co-writer of all three Pirates of the Caribbean flicks, says “Write what you see.”

To paraphrase for the rest of us: Write what you saw.

***

About this series: Made to Stick devotes an entire chapter to Stories. I've found that many of us a pretty good at telling stories, but not so great at writing them. I've seen organizations design pages on their Web sites, asking for story submissions, but what comes back (if anything comes back) is usually unusable.

That's where I'm stepping in. As a playwright and screenwriter (semi-produced), I've compiled all sorts of facts, methods, tools and ideas from the experts in dramatic writing. I've categorized them under three headings: The Language for Stories, The People in Stories, and The Structure of Stories. And I've taken heed of one of the methods and just started the series, without a lengthy explanation at the beginning. Here's hoping that by writing them down, I'll at least use some of these ideas when I get stuck, as often happens.

(This post's "Headline Emotional Marketing Value" score: 80%)

It May Not Be Your Passion If:

#13 - You kill off other, genuine interests in order to pursue your dream.

I think we Boomer types were sold a bill of goods when we were growing up. "You can be whatever you want," we were told. The subtext was "pick one thing to be and work at it as hard as you can."

The trouble is, I was always (and still am) interested in so many things.

Space. Classical music. Quantum theory (for the lay person). Science. Art. Bicycling. Mountains. Greek and Roman history. Interpersonal relationships. A great summer's day. And so many others.

Movies and theater are in there too. But not to the extent that they cancel out all the others. And so, I was confused for a long time, thinking I needed to spend more time on one thing, instead of allowing myself to pick and choose from among many.

This is especially true for someone like me, who isn't a prodigy in anything. I think the prodigies (the Spielbergs, Stephen Kings, and others who excel at one thing) have been held up too long as the benchmark. "Be like them," we've been led to believe.

When the real message should be "be like you."

[pictured: David finally meets the Blue Fairy who can grant him his wish in Spielberg's AI: Artificial Intelligence.]

Nobody Ever Asked Me To:

#2: Become a musician.

Another post in my series of really cool things I've done in my life that nobody ever asked me to do - and some actually tried to discourage.

Fourth grade and my school offers lessons in instrumental music. I ask my mom if I can learn to play the clarinet. "No," she says. "I have to rent the instrument and you'll lose interest in a couple of weeks."

Fifth grade. School offers again. I ask again. "Oh, all right," my mom says. She rents the clarinet, I learn how to read music and start playing.

I stop playing somewhere in my junior year of college. But by then I had picked up singing, since I had this musical knowledge.

I sing off and on, ending with a performance for Elizabeth Taylor at the Kennedy Center Honors, backing up Dionne Warwick and Burt Bachrach. Well, me and 250 others in the chorus.

Nobody asked me to start the music thing. School offered. The parents said no. I wait another year, and get a yes. My musicianship ends up taking me to Carnegie Hall, Europe, and the Disney Symphonic Spectacular. Pinnacle moments in years of performing.

These days, I think I need to rack up more "no's."

RII: Request for Irrelevant Information
First, the solution: Safeway management should instruct cashiers to look at the customer's receipt – and if there aren't any minus signs (indicating savings), then the cashier should offer the customer a savings card application form.

Where I'm coming from: I've noticed an increase in employees asking me for irrelevant information. At the DMV, when I got to the front of the first line (for the forms), the employee behind the counter asked me "how would you like to pay for your driver's license renewal?"

"How would you like it?" I answered, a question for a question (that sounded just as awful as it reads.)

"Oh, you can pay by any method," she said.

In the time I then had to sit and wait, I wondered exactly why she asked me that. She didn't do anything with the information. And telling me I can pay by any method - be it cash, credit card, or check – is proof there isn't any reason for the question in the first place.

The cashiers at the Safeway in my neighborhood are an ongoing source of irrelevant questions. I know management requires them to ask these questions, as they’re always offered in exactly the same dull monotone. Until a short time ago, each cashier asked "do you need help with your grocery bags?" My neighborhood's populated by a a huge percentage of young, physically fit, extremly capable people, who clearly (on sight alone) do NOT need help with their grocery bags.

And for a while last year, each cashier was instructed to point out how much I saved at each store visit. This entailed a lengthy and scripted comment by each cashier, delivered in that monotone.

Nowadays, as the cashier starts ringing up my items, I'm asked "do you have a savings club card?" Yesterday, fed up with answering "yes" for no good reason, I ignored the question and focused on entering my debit card code into the scanner.

I'm pretty sure the reason the cashier asks is to find out which customers don't have savings cards, and then sign them up. But there's a better way of doing that. I opened the post with it. Instead of requiring cashiers to parrot the phrase "do you have a savings club card," give them the opportunity to show their wisdom and attention by figuring it out, all by themselves.

Ironically, when the cashiers were told to tell us how much money they saved, that meant the cashier had to look at the receipt.

I’m sure the cashiers would love to match the action with the dialogue.

Living in DC: 5 Ideas to Make My Friendly Neighborhood DMV More Customer-Friendly

To renew my driver's license, I spent close to two hours this afternoon at the Georgetown DMV office -

10 minutes waiting in line to get a form and number from the person at the first counter.
5 minutes waiting to take the eye test and pay the fee.
95 minutes waiting to get my picture taken.

Here are some ways I came up with to remedy the situation - developed during the standing-in-line part, as I was reading The 4-Hour Work Week while I waited to be photographed:

1. Distribute numbers the way they do at the deli. Hook it up to a computer, and remove the need for a live person handing out each slip of paper.

2. Mount the forms on wall racks. They've already got the forms available online. You may ask, "why didn't you just run the form off at home?" I experienced computer problems when I tried - my problem. However, I would still have to wait in line for the number.

3. Designate more "information kiosk" staff during the crush time - which will always be the lunch hours. They can help those people who need to do more than fill out the form. I'll gladly stand in line if I have specific questions.

4. Buy more cameras. There was only one, which caused the 90-minute bottleneck.

5. Track lighting. Fluorescent lighting screams "YOU'RE STUCK IN A BUREAUCRACY OF OUR CREATION AND WE DON'T CARE!"

I did have one good experience today, when I called the DMV number with a question. The employee at the other end (I didn't get her name) quickly and accurately gave me the information I needed.

Still, I'm going to forward this post to the DC DMV and see if they can use any of my suggestions. I fully expect to hear back from them something along the lines of "The lunch hours are always our most busy times of the day. Customers should be aware that they may be required to wait for services. If you can plan on arriving at off hours, the DMV will most likely be able to handle your request more quickly."

I'm sure the DMV knows when they'll be swamped with people. And if they know what the problem times are, they can do something about it. Like institute one of my ideas, or better yet, come up with their own. I'll bet DMV employees, being on the front lines, have a wealth of ideas to bring to the table. They may never have been asked.

Living In DC: A Customer Service Spectrum
There's a perfectly-situated mom&pop non-chain no-place-better-to-sit-in-the-city establishment on my block called Java House. I use it as my office daily from 2-5pm and sometimes later. The food's marvelous. Usually all you have to do is take a seat in the patio and one of the employees will take your order. Sooner or later.

There's enormous variation in the customer service I experience here, though. I'm talking light-years of difference. It all depends on who's working.

The weekend daily guy is absolutely awesome. After inquiring how your are (with genuine interest), he asks what kind of sugar you want with your ice tea (sweet-n-low, splenda, equal, sugar in the raw, or just plain old white), and wants to know many packets. Which he then he immediately delivers.

The weekday woman is middle-aged and has been here for awhile. She's attentive and efficient, wastes no words, and appears often on the patio, so you're assured you won't have to wait. I've become such a regular that she'll just bring me my ice tea less than five minutes after I've sat down.

The weekday afternoon guy is quiet but professional. He doesn't work every day, so you're not sure when you'll see him. More of an assistant manager, which means if he's the only one on, it may be a few minutes before you see him outside. In these cases, you can see him working inside, often tending to the big coffee bean roaster. He'll also bring me my drink before I order it.

The weekday afternoon young lady will often make you wait. She's always smiling, but sometimes you won't see that smile for 20 minutes. Sometimes it looks as if she's ignoring customers when she passes among the patio tables. While I wrote this post, I had to go inside to order.

Quirky, yes. Maddeningly annoying? Not really. No one who works here makes all that much money. But with the infestation of all those chain shops (Dupont Circle has three Starbucks - and you can see all three at once!) it makes me wonder if sometimes, the mom and pops count on quirky to save the day.

***

The accompanying picture to this post is from a Washington Post article on this very cafe. The author gets the atmosphere right, and I can see some of the patrons she describes. But there has been a huge increase in laptop use, which includes me!

Nobody Ever Asked Me To:

#1: Get my first raise.

I'm reading Timothy Ferriss's The 4-Hour Work Week and I was particularly impressed with the risks and chances he's taken throughout his life. It made me look at my background in a different light. I've always thought of myself as a low-risk/no-risk taker, a guy who'd rather be miserable with the status quo than chance getting called on the carpet for his actions.

But I've been able to identify times in my life when I actually did take risks. Tim's examples have helped me see that what I've previously thought were errors and faux pas actions can be taken as assertive and positive. In each case, I noticed that my success in the risk taking was due to my having started along the path, and nobody asked me to begin that journey.

Take my first job out of college, with the federal government. I noticed I should have been hired at a higher grade level since I had a college degree. I asked the personnel office about getting a raise. They said "we'll see what we can do." I went back to work.

A few days later, I get called into the Director's office. She's holding a form. She says: "I just received this from Personnel. They're asking me to sign it in order to raise your grade level. What do you have to do with this?"

"Well, I said, "I saw that people with a college degree should be hired at that grade level, and I just went to Personnel to talk to them about it."

The director continued. "We don't do things that way here. Employees should not be requesting pay raises. They must be approved by either myself or, to start with, your supervisor before official paperwork is started."

"Sorry," I said. "I didn't know, since I've just been here a month."

The director sits down, takes out a pen and signs the form. "However, I'm going to put this through and approve your new pay level."

I was a bit shocked. "Did I do something right or wrong here?" I wondered. "She's telling me I did something wrong, yet acting as if I did something right."

"Thank you," I said. "I won't do it again."

And that's how I got my first raise.

I need to remember that more often, and concentrate more on other times when I asserted myself, especially now since I'm trying to get myself to take more chances.